(Don't quote me facts. I'm not having it.)
Oh, you heathen persecutors! Oh, you who have taken it upon yourselves to punish the innocent of any crime, for a slight so slight as to be absurd.
You who came to America in search of freedom and food only to then inflict your cruel traditions upon a once-kind populace.
Your paincentric practices have spread through this nation like a cancer to the point where this day, once a holy day, has become one of fear and terror for all those not of your faith.
Why should we be paralyzed by fear? Why should we cow to your unholy and abominable pinching? Why should men and women of faith be forbidden from eschewing certain colors--or risk corporal punishment?
Oh, the horror.
In solidarity with the persecuted, today I wear neither green nor orange.
On this, and every other St. Patrick's Day.