LDotFMotNYl: Deleted Scenes (3)


(Note: This is the third in a series of deleted scenes [visit 1 and 2]. If you are arriving here for the first time either because you received an LDotFMotNYl or if you do not know what the LDotFMotNYl is, you might consider visiting here first.)


The Big O as Narcissistic as His Parents

The Big O's main difficulty in brushing his teeth is distraction by his own pretty face perfectly reflected just inches away. How can he be expected to focus on something so petty as dental hygiene when he could be looking at himself in the mirror?

Geneticists and ethnographers visiting the Thteed household immediately pointed to this behavior as certainty for his parentage.

"The father has spent countless hours of his life making faces in the mirror," said investigatory team leader Dr. Randolphus Von Pejos. "But that is a mere mayfly compared to the Galapagos turtle's length the mother specimen has stood there with her tweezers."

The happy couple, not knowing any better, treated news of the study results (to be published in the summer issue of Vanity Studies International) as absolutely fabulous news.


It is absolutely true that the Big O enjoys examining his face in the mirror. And it is true that sometimes he is so enchanted watching himself that he can't properly brush. (Although proper brushing is only vaguely likely in the best of circumstances.)

It is equally true that his parents have mirror problems as well. I can get stuck in front of the mirror, trying to solve the mystery of male beauty, yes, though I am more likely making grotesque faces. If Lady Steed did not forbid it, that is. She says my faces are "scary." They are not scary. They are living sculptures of a wide range of emotions.

(Incidentally, I have a somewhat unique--though unrefined--drawing style which I think ain't so bad. But once I drew some figures on the chalkboard at Institute. Later, when class started, the students and instructor were appalled, wondering who defiled this Mormon Sanctuary with such "evil" drawings.

(They weren't evil. They were smiling! And waving! They were friendly! Gruntsch.)

Anyway, it is also true that Lady Steed has an unhealthy and possibly unholy relationship with her tweezers. This truth is what kept this portion of the letter out of the final draft. Lady Steed didn't want you to know.

Heh heh.


  1. It also seems to break with the business firm pretense of the letter. I think the cut was a good choice.

  2. I had an unholy relationship with Bon Losee's $3 for an eyebrow-wax for a while, until the time I left there bleeding. Tweezers are, I think, both less unholy and safer.

  3. .

    I agree with both of you. Wax is about as unholy as it comes. (Especially proven by that one time it got all over the bathroom fictures.) And the delete did not fit the conceit. Which I didn't realize at the time, but is probably why I was so willing to let it go.)