Another problem solved, courtesy of Thmazing


Have you ever, fellow laptop owners, had that awful experience where your battery crashes? Have you? Ha ha! Loser! Not me!

But not to worry! I, Thmazing, have decided to bring my patented noCrash technology to my blog-reading public. Yes, this technology is mine, but I am "sharing" it--because I am a good person to whom you should show proper obeisance. Especially after you send me your $19.95 (US) and experience the joys of noCrash for yourself.

Of course, greedy, hatemongering profiteers would kill for full details, but I trust you because you trust me and I will give you a glimpse into the science behind this genius technology that will change your life forever.

You, of course, being an online person, have had the unfortunate experience of a blazing fast connection that, to put it kindly, was simply too blazing fast. The clever new post from your favorite blogger went speeding past so fast you only caught the witty epigram. The Flash animation you've been hearing about for weeks moves so quickly on your broadband connection it appeared to be nothing more than a blur of angry color. The Google search necessary for completion of your doctorate returned so many results so quickly your motherboard melted.

Modern technology is wonderful, of course, but this unconstrained speed is ruining lives.

noCrash started out as an attempt to solve this ubiquitous problem. I, Thmazing, invented a way to "brake" the broadband process and slow down the Internet to safe and enjoyable speeds. This alone would have been enough to win me a place in the hearts of the unwashed millions. But I, being Thmazing, was not content to stop there.

The patented noCrash braking process, by slowing down the Internet, released massive amounts of energy. I used this to heat local soup kitchens for a few months until it occurred to me that there was a better use for this previously untapped energy source.

Within the week I had connected my newly named noCrash brakes to my laptop's battery and voila! a never dying battery!

Here's how the process works on the consumer end:

Within the lifetime of the battery, the user, must access the Internet. Even if the user does not need the Internet, it is sensible to log on and just let it sit--noCrash, though its patented self-surfing-and-braking process, will surf the web, braking to reasonable speeds as it goes, and use that braked energy to keep the laptop battery at full change.

Now, some people, notably Stefan over on the Nobel committee, have called noCrash a "perpetual motion system." At the risk of false modesty, may I now dispel that notion. noCrash is not a true perpetual motion machine. At least, as far I know. Come to think of it, it very well may be a perpetual motion system. Huh.

Anyway, visit noCrash now and enter the promotional code thmusingsfan4ever and receive $5 (US) off the already low low price of $19.95.

This offer won't last forever! Act now!


  1. Perpetual motion machine? Sign me up!

  2. Have I told you lately that you're insane?

  3. .

    Not lately, no.

    But I'll just go ahead and sign you both up.


  4. I just ordered mine and I can't wait to be your first testimonial...

  5. .

    Yes, the masses may already be aligning, but I will be sure to cut you to the front of the line.