Costco Concierge Part II

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You can read part one on Thutopia or Thubstack.

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Last time, I was frustrated by Costco Concierge's decision to give me brain surgery when all I came to the hospital with was a broken leg. Since then, more adventures have ensued!

(I should mention that Costco Concierge is a separate company than Costco though, obviously, they are tightly connected. I don't understand the exact relationship.)

About a month after they sent my repaired laptop back to me, the exact same hinge broke in the exact same way. So I reached out again.

I was very very very tempted not too. I considered fixing it myself or paying someone local but, in the end, I decided to give them another chance. So once again I took photos of the break and sent it in to them. Here's one:

As per usual, they asked me to call for an update. I am convinced part of their business plan is to never respond in email in case anything they write can be used by the consumer to get what they (the consumer) wants.

So I called and they said they wouldn't fix it because, get this, it was the thing they fixed and therefore that hinge was no longer under warranty.

Take a second to think about the implications of this. So long as a warranty-fulfilling repairer says they fixed something, if it doesn't work anymore, it's no longer their responsibility. That ain't great for the consumer.

So I pushed back and the phone jockey said she'd talk to management and get back to me. Once again they asked me to call and asked me to call but this time I did not. So, finally, they called me. And, luckily, they called when no one was home and so I have audio. Check it out:

If you know me, you know that outrage does not come easily to me. I have spent more outrage on Costco Concierge already this year than I usually spend on all sources put together in a couple years.

Anyway, I wasn't having it. And I was not calling back.

What you see below is the email I sent them. I'm quite proud of it and I encourage you to steal from it if you ever have to deal with Costco Concierge:

Hi, a couple notes about your latest message.

1) We have not established whether the broken hinge is a manufacturer's defect or caused by a manufacturer's defect which leads to the hinge breaking. However, this does not matter, as explained below.

2) Your repair lasted roughly a month. As I understand 15 U.S. Code § 2304 (the Federal minimum standards for warranties), you need to fix it again. Check it out:

if the product (or a component part thereof) contains a defect or malfunction after a reasonable number of attempts by the warrantor to remedy defects or malfunctions in such product, such warrantor must permit the consumer to elect either a refund for, or replacement without charge of, such product or part (as the case may be)

In other words, legally speaking, it does not matter whether this broken hinge is the manufacturer's fault or just a bad repair. It's still covered (legally) by my Costco warranty.

Now, I don't know if the federal commission in charge of warranties has defined what "a reasonable number of attempts" to fix a laptop hinge is, but if you think it's one, fine.  I have a recording of you saying you will not repair it any more.

3) Which brings us to the Costco warranty which, in accordance with the federal law quoted above, says that "Costco reserves the right to fulfill the second-year warranty obligation through, at Costco's choosing, repair, replacement, or a refund up to the purchase price."

4) I am perfectly happy accepting a replacement or refund in lieu of a repair (which, again, you have already waived the opportunity to redo). I would prefer a refund as I would love to purchase my next computer from someone other than Costco, but I will also accept a replacement as that is what the warranty (which is, after all, a contract between me and Costco) allows.

Thank you for getting me that replacement or refund as soon as possible.

I felt very lawyerly writing this. And I can't help but wonder if they felt lawyered. Because, three days later, they agreed to let me return my laptop.

 

Of course, even this had to be weird:

 

Unfortunately, we are unable to proceed with repairs; please accept our most sincere apologies. To minimize your time without your computer, we'd like to offer you an alternative warranty option.

If you reply "I agree", I'll send a return advisory email to your local Costco warehouse managers advising them that we weren't able to resolve your issue. You would need to bring the computer, ac adapter, and power cord to the Returns counter. Simply provide them with your return authorization number and they'll help you get a replacement unit to fulfill Costco’s second year warranty.

Please note, returns are at the discretion of the warehouse and Costco Concierge cannot provide any further assistance.

By replying “I agree” to this email, you agree that your current unit has no physical damage and was not misused in any way. I'll send a confirmation email once you agree and the return advisory has been sent.

(Highlighting in original.)

"I agree" seems to mean to very different things here, one of which is obvious nonsense. So when I wrote back, I said that "I agree to replacement/refund being handled by a warehouse." I guess that was satisfactory.

 

But that's not the end of the story!

 

So I print off the email they send (just in case the Costco folks have no idea what I'm talking about—this was a good idea, by the way) and take in the old machine. Now, as I read the federal law quoted above, I should have the option (my choice) of a refund or a replacement. But the Costco warranty says Costco gets to decide. I don't know if, by purchasing something from a store, you're entering into an implicit contract with them overriding federal law (it's not like I signed anything), but I didn't really want to make a stink. I just need a laptop!

Anyway, they use my email to find the email Concierge sent them—and I get myself a copy of this as well. I'm not going to post the whole thing, but, I agree or no I agree, it says right on it there's a hinge issue.

This is what I think is most interesting and worth sharing:

This is fine, I guess? Of course, Costco doesn't tell you when you go into their warehouse that you will be getting something "new, improved, [but] less expensive," but I would probably have been fine with that. Probably. I knew that I was likely entitled a full refund, but I was also done fighting. And it's easier for me to argue over email than in person.

They sent one guy over to the "current line-up" to see what would make a good option in exchange.

Unfortunately for Costco, there was only one laptop "new, improved, [but] less expensive" and it was sold out. The next one up was a hundred bucks more than I had paid but it was almost identical—same stats, save a hair more RAM, and it can bend backwards and become tabletlike. He asked if I would be okay with that? I said sure. An exchange that's slightly better and costs more means I come out ahead, right? So I go back to customer service where . . . they want to charge me a hundred dollars?

You said this was an exchange.

No, it's an upgrade.

You said you'd get me an exchange. This is an upgrade. I didn't ask to pay more.

But here's the fun thing: not only would they not give me a refund, but they had already put the Concierge-authorized money—the full refund from my original machine—onto a giftcard. But I'm not allowed to hold that giftcard, let alone take it from the store with me, let alone change it in for cash so I can buy from someone else. I get a computer now or I'm just screwed. (This conversation, alas, went unrecorded.)

You said exchange.

So she offered to cut the hundred bucks down to fifty and I said yes. Maybe I could have haggled down to no additional cost or maybe I would have just made them mad—who can say? But one way to think about it is I had had a new computer for a year and a half for fifty dollars and then I got a new computer. That seems okay, right?

I don't know if I did right to accept paying them $50. Feel free to tell me your opinion.

On the bright side, I now have a receipt saying I bought a new computer this week. So, for two years from now, Costco Concierge is back on the hook.

Yayyyyy.

Punch a dolphin, feed the cat

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071) Sensational Wonder Woman, finished June 22

I found this book on the library website because they didn't have the Colleen Doran book I did want. And while she only penned one of the stories in this anthology, I grabbed it and now I've read it and it was . . . fine. Some are better than others, but it was kind of fun to read a bunch of one-offs instead of some building, "important," superhero story.

one sitting


072) Ain't Burned All the Bright by Jason Reynolds and Jason Griffin, finished June 27

About as much text as a picture book but over three hundred pages long. As is mentioned in the note at the end, this lets the art be more than illustration.

It's a tale of a kid at home in 2020 as his parents watch the news—from separate rooms (dad is sick, presumably covid). The five people in his family are in covid-era quarantine and the art and words explore the isolation and loss and confusion or all the horrors 2020 presented us, yet rarely by making them explicit. Which means this book is either futureproof or will age terrrribly.

I'm surprised my library put this in the adult nonfiction because, in my mind, it's YA fiction like most of Reynolds's books. But what do I know?

two days
 

073) 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides) by The Oatmeal, finished June 29

I really recommend reading The Oatmeal at The Oatmeal rather than a book. They were originally formatted for online (and even the posters flow better than the books) and you get to pick the ones that are interesting rather than turning the page and bumping into one of his overly ugly early pieces designed to be churned quickly rather than be great.

gosh i dunno like five years maybe
 

074) Socks by Beverly Cleary, finished June 29

This book was a handmedown from an older cousin and one I loved as a kid and read many times. It's been in my kids room for ages but maaaybe none of the boys ever read it? So inbetween Tiffanys I read it to the 5yrold. She liked it; I liked it.

As a piece of writing, I found aspects of it pretty impressive. For instance, Socks is the primary point-of-view character yet most of the action involves people—people talking and doing all sorts of people things—and yet there are no pov violations. Socks navigates whats around him with a cat's understanding. This results in a lot of dramatic irony and all without any cheating!

I'm not sure I've read any Beverly Cleary since I was a kid. This kinda made me want to move to Ramona or something next.

And: the Darwin illustrations are great. I love their just-ink vibrancy.

under two weeks
 

075) The Ultimates Volume 1: Super-Human by Millar/Hitch/Currie, finished June 30

This dates back to 2002 but I checked the copyright page multiple times because I thought Nick Fury didn't turn into Samuel L. Jackson until after 2008 and the release of a cinematic Iron Man. Not so.

Although you can't help but to wonder if Marvel didn't see this book as a pitch. In one scene where the characters are imagining themselves in a movie, Fury casts Jackson as himself. And although the argument for Tony Stark to be played by Johnny Depp is pushed pretty hard, Robert Downey Jr. does get a shoutout elsewhere in the story.

So the whole thing's a bit surreal—another MCU from another corner of the multiverse, where Hank Pym is an abusive husband, Captain America is rude, Hulk is horny and Freddy Prinze Jr. is a major movie star.

Not quite how things turned out.

one day


076) In China with Green Day by Aaron Cometbus, finished July 4 

 

I really do like Cometbus's voice. I bought a few more of his works and I tried to pick ones that seemed similar to the first I read and here I succeeded. He's an excellent essayist if you think Montaigne nailed it the first time out. Personable, first-person, a tad narcissistic but utterly engaged by and with the world around him.

Cometbus was friends with the guys in Green Day well before they were famous and they invited him to join him for several stops in Asia on a world tour. He went because he wanted to visit China (bad luck: the China shows were cancelled and Hong Kong, at least in 2011, still felt different).

Cometbus totally cops to his own biases and failures of sight, but the Green Day guys come off great, over all, and the opening act, in brief appearances, like total dicks. He tends to spend part of their time in each sitting wandering off, walking, getting lost, seeing things no one else will ever see. And since the Green Day machine is taking care of him, he doesn't have to worry about what comes next. He just needs to get in the bus on time.

Anyway, it's a great view of a corner of reality most of us will never view. And we have a gregarious (and grumpy) host to guide us.

Cometbus
54 | 55

weekish

Previous Posts

Let's start the year off with some old friends

001) U Is for Undertow by Sue Grafton, finished January 4
002) Far Sector by N.K. Jemisin et al, finished January 7
003) Joseph Smith and the Mormons by Noah Van Sciver, finished January 7
004) The Blank Wall by Elisabeth Sanxay Holding, finished January 11
005) The Art of Perspective by Christopher Castellani, finished January 11
006) Bad Kitty Goes on Vacation by Nick Bruel, finished January 12
007) Remina by Junji Ito, finished January 15
008) The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O'Neill, finished January 15
009) The Tea Dragon Festival here by Katie O'Neill, finished January 15
010) A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett, finished January 18
011) Diana: Princess of the Amazons by Shannon & Dean Hale and Victoria Ying, finished January 26

Books, beginning at twelve

012) Just Julie's Fine by Theric Jepson, finished January 28
013) The Art of Description by Mark Doty, finished January 28
014) Green Lantern: Legacy by Minh Lê and Andie Tong, finished February 5
015) Serious Concerns by Wendy Cope, finished January 9
016) The Art of Mystery by Maud Casey, finished February 11
017) The Art of Bible Translation by Robert Alter, finished February 13
018) No Longer Human by Junji Ito, finished February 15

You may have already read this

019) Zatanna and the House of Secrets by Matthew Cody and Yoshi Yoshitani, finished Febraury 17
020) Fuzz by Mary Roach, finished February 19
021) Deserter: Junji Ito Story Collection by Junji Ito, finished February 25
022) You May Already Be a Winner by Ann Dee Ellis, finished March 4
023) Audience-ology by Kevin Goetz, finished March 4
024) The Writing Life by Annie Dillard, finished March 7

Soooo many comics (and my first H.G. Wells novel in at least 16 years)

025) Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett, finished March 8
026) The Croquet Player by H. G. Wells, finished March 11
027) Lost States: True Stories of Texlahoma, Transylvania, and Other States That Never Made It by Michael J. Trinklein, finished March 12
028) Nightwing: Leaping into the Light by Bruno Redondo and Tom Taylor, finished March 13
029) Batman: The Court of Owls by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo and Jonathan Glapion, finished date
030) Invisible Ink: My Mother's Secret Love Affair with a Famous Cartoonist by author, finished date
031) Ghosts of Vader's Castle by a slew of folks, finished March 15
032) The Flintstones Volume 1 by Mark Russell and Steve Pugh, finished March 16
033) The Flintstones Volume 2 by Mark Russell and Steve Pugh, finished March 16
034) The Jetsons by Palmiotti/Brito/Sinclair, finished March 16
035) Exit Stage Left: The Snagglepuss Chronicles by Mark Russell and Mike Feehan, finished March 18
036) Ballad for Sophie by Filipe Melo and Juan Cavia, finished March 19

You tell me whether it's garbage-in or not

037) Bride of the Far Side by Gary Larson, finished March 23
038) Batman: Night of the Owls by the entire DC bullpen, finished March 23
039) The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin, finished March 25
040) The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash, finished March 25
041) Slaugherhouse-Five or the Children's Crusade: a Duty Dance with Death by Kurt Vonnegut / Ryan North / Albert Monteys, finished March 28
042) The Fox and the Star by Coralie Bickford-Smith, finished March 28
043) Jem by Frederik Pohl, finished March 31
044) The Mundane Adventures of Dishman by John MacLeod, finished March 31
045) Because Sometimes You Just Gotta Draw a Cover with Your Left Hand by Stephan Pastis, finished April 4

Books: extralong edition

046) Patsy Walker, A.K.A. Hellcat! Vol. 1: Hooked On A Feline by Leth/Williams/Allegri, finished April 9
047) The Hatred of Poetry by Ben Lerner, finished April 11
048) Weird Al: The Book by Nathan Rabin with Al Yankovic, finished April 11
049) My Year of Flops by Nathan Rabin, finished April 16
050) The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennet, finished April 19
051) Beast of Burden: Occupied Territory by Dorkin & Dyer & Dewey & Piekos, finished April 16
052) Building a Better Life by Stealing Office Supplies: Dogbert's Big Book of Business by Scott Adams, finished April 22
053) On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century by Timothy Snyder, finished April 27
054) Salt Magic by Hope Larson and Rebecca Mock, finished May 5
055) Star Wars Adventures: The Weapon of a Jedi, finished May 6
056) Hemingway in Paradise and Other Mormon Poems by Scott Hales, finished May 8
057) Romeo and Juliet: The War by a team assembled by Stan Lee, finished May 10
058) The Dark Horse Book of the Dead edited by Scott Allie, finished May 14
059) A Little Lower than the Angels by Virginia Sorensen, finished May 15

A reasonable number of books for a change

060) Irredeemable by Mark Waid, et al., finished May 20
061) Stanslaw Lev's The Seventh Voyage by Jon J Muth, finished May 23
062) Sir Gawain and the Green Knight translated by Simon Armitage, finished May 28
063) Heike's Void by Stephen L. Peck, finished May 30

These books are fine books

064) Night Weather by JS Absher, finished June 2
065) Will Eisner Reader, finished June 2
066) Pen Pals by Aaron Cometbus, finished June 4
067) I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett, finished June 6
069) Pluto: Urusawa × Tezuka 001 by Naoki Urasawa et al, finished June 16
070) The Gadget War by Betsy Duffey, finished June 16

final posts in this series from

  2007 = 2008 = 2009 = 2010 = 2011 = 2012 = 2013
2014 = 2015 = 2016 = 2017 = 2018 = 2019 = 2020 = 2021

___related___
UNFINISHED BOOKS
REJECTED BOOKS

June film flybys

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ELSEWHERE
library dvd

42 Up (1998)

I find this series gets more and more moving as we get closer and closer to my age. I'm curious to see how I feel in the next film, as they shoot past me.

For simplicity's sake, let me talk about just two of the characters. First, Bruce, whom is the person I have come to most admire over the course of the film. His integrity and values seem worth aspring to.

And Neil, who started off as perhaps the most charming of the children only to turn into dark Michael Cera as a teen, then, through his twenties and thirties, troubled and homeless. He's still broken at 42 but he's successfully run for his local council and his life has purpose and direction.

It's a starting discovery to learn that Bruce and Neil have connected. And years ago! After 28 Up, in fact, and that Bruce has been Neil's friend in London all this while. It would be difficult not to draw the conclusion that Bruce's goodness and stability have not been a significant element of Neil's gradual . . . redemption might not be the right word, but at least his return to something akin to stability.

Seven Up! — 7 Plus Seven — 21 Up — 28 Up — 35 Up

HOME
library dvd

Princess Mononoke (1997)

I've written about my history with this movie before, but tonight I think is the first time I've genuinely loved it. It's absolutely stunning and thought-provoking and perplexing and moving and unsettling and wonderful.

This is a movie that absolutely refuses to give us what we want. And we are all the better for it. Like a good parent.

Anyway, it's sitting with me. It's a movie, the experience of which, lasts much longer than the viewing of it. We need those.

ELSEWHERE
library dvd

49 Up (2005)

So . . . now that they're older than me, they seem really old. Even though they aren't that much older than me. They look old, most of them seem settled into the sins of boomerdom, et cetera.I believe this is the first time the three East End girls didn't get interviewed together.

Something I appreciated about this film was that they asked just about everyone what they thought about the films and being in them. And they almost universally agree that it's rough going through their past every seven years.

I regret that I'm rushing through a few of them this month as it gets to feel more repetitive and even a tad boring compared to more generous spacing. Keep that in mind for yourself.

Seven Up! — 7 Plus Seven — 21 Up
28 Up — 35 Up — 42 Up — 49 Up

ELSEWHERE
Tubi

Monster on the Campus (1958)

One of the classic posters! In fact, I've had one for over a decade on my classroom wall and now? I've finally seen it.

It is as deliciously terrible as you'd expect. And, like a lot of films of this sort, the climax is the only boring part of the movie.

The science is stupid—a coelecanth was preserved with gamma rays and sent to an American university where the peculiar qualities of this hulked-out prehistoric pisces's plasma turns the evolutionary clock backwards on anyone who gets it in their system.

Anyways, it's terrible by any reasonable measurement. And I had an excellent time watching it.

HOME
Kanopy

Killer of Sheep (1978)

A good example of an interesting film made on minimal budget. Sure, there's not much plot but the sense of time and space and community washes over you. The camera is used to great effect and the sound design is also pretty great (though the mix is often terrible).

Although I'm hesitant to say the movie is about anything, the title character works at a slaughterhouse and battles a terrible malaise that precludes him from sleeping, smiling, and his wife's seductions.

One thing that makes the movie work is the sheep slaughterhouse. It's heavily symbolic in the best way, in that it never tells you just what these images mean. And so their meaning evolves and doubles back and multiplies as the movie progresses. It's openended in the best way.

But between the slaughterhouse and the lack of plot—it really does feel like a movie for museums and not cinemas—I can't imagine successfully showing it to students outside an actual film course.

ELSEWHERE
Kanopy

The Green Man (1956)

A delightfully madcap mindcentury murder-comedy. Not as good (at least in my memory) as, say, The Ladykillers, but it was fun and had some excellent moments.

The sexual aspects are curious. That the leading lady will leaver her boorish fiance for the much more suitable vacuum-cleaner salesman is hardlt a surprise, but the bounty of actual adultery (or, at least, adultery-in-planning) surprised me and the innocent, chopped toad-loveing girl delaying the inevitable with her aristocratic December was interesting to watch and wonder how it played to a contemporary audience.

HOME
library dvd

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

It's a bummer when you're hoping for another Kong movie and instead you get another Godzilla movie.

Yup. This is an extremely stupid movie. It's a bunch of plotholes strung together, some great actors trying to sell some terrible lines, labored efforts to make excuses to put children in danger, and constant absurdity.

It is also completely awesome. Just amazing. Kinda wish we'd stuck with our plan to make this our first trip back to theaters. It would have been overwhelming.

HOME
library dvd

Soylent Green (1973)

So I'm just going to assume you already know the twist. Because surely you know the twist. Right? Okay.

I do wish it were possible to see this movie without knowing, but I'm not sure just how shocking it could be. The reveal is postponed but then we discover as the main character finds the evidence. And he doesn't yell it running down the street, either. I always assumed it was futile, but definitely nothing is happening here.

I do like that it's a detective movie. Cross-genre is always fun. And I liked that they didn't try too hard to be futuristic. It's just 70s New York turned to 11. Besides the cordless police boxes and whatever he was taking notes on, the paraphernalia was mostly contemporary. Once we got used to it, that worked great.

My fears for the future no longer include overpopulation, but scary near-future scifi is still an important part of any healthy diet.

HOME
Kanopy

56 Up (2012)

Something about the introduction and editing and vibe of 56 Up made it feel the most modern by a sudden leap. I'm not sure why. People with more film education, please tell me.

I still suspect Michael Apted has particular fondness for Tony, but this time he moved him to the end. And he didn't share anything from his acting sideline which is surprising because Sue, who appears near the beginning of the film, mentions she is now acting after talking to Tony! So while I'm certain you can start at 56 and feel right at home, there are details only us longtime watchers can catch.

Among other interesting additions:

Our two rural kids, one from a farming background and one more wealthy, sat on the couch together.

The meta elements are becoming more pronounced as more of the participants reflect on the good and the bad of their participation.

John is finally comfortable enough with himself to explain his I'm-not-so-priveleged comments of the past films. His father died when he was young and his mother scrapped to put his education together. So for all his aristocratic background, he did know something about hard knocks.

In short, I'm convinced they are correct when I say we do not really know them. But each round, we get to know them a little better.

But it's true that we the audience can be a bit entitled. I'm a little bitter Andrew skipped out so long and I did not get to see his wife age. I'm a little embarrassed by this admition, but it's true. And I can be petty about other things too. How did plain Lynn and her weird-looking husband have two beautiful daughters, for instance. These are the questions we have as we skate over the countours of their lives.

It is kind of a rough deal, but I appreciate them taking this journey, even if it does end up being just for my amusement.

Seven Up! — 7 Plus Seven — 21 Up
28 Up — 35 Up — 42 Up — 49 Up — 56 Up

HOME
Kanopy

The General (1926)

Only two kids home. One suggests we watch Charlie Chaplin or Bill Keaton. (Bill? Is that right?) The other suggested The Matrix or The General. And so a compromise was reached, and quite easily.

This is, of course, an excellent movie. But it's Lost Cause leanings do feel strange today.

The story is true (roughly) and, allegedly, Keaton did not think audiences would accept the Union as the good guys so he made up a Confederate to be the hero. I don't know a good source for this, but I have my own assumption. I suspect it's basic comedy thinking. Keaton (and Chaplin and other silent clowns and many other fine comedians through history) tended to play people downtrodden. He's not just short, he's on the losing side. The Confederates will lose this war and so it makes comedic sense to make them the heros. The Union plays sort of a Keystone Cops role. They have the power, ergo they must be the buffoons It's also notable that the unenlisted (and unenlistable) Keaton character largely locks horns with Union officers. In other words, this is basic comedic imbalance of power with the hero on the bottom.

It's also worth mentioning that the only Union soldier we see killed a) is the primary antagonist who b) has just sniped three Confederates, and c) is killed by accident. We see more dead in gray than in blue.

And Keaton's character is entirely apolitical. (And this is a racially homogenous South. Which is . . . interesting.)

I'm not making excuses, but the trends of 1926 and the laws of comedy make it difficult to imagine the movie made any other way. Which is a shame, but I get it. In a hundred years, maybe, it might not matter.

Or Keaton may have judged wrongly. The movie didn't do great when it came out and it entered the public domain in 1954 because no one could see a reason to renew the copyright. It was also enormously expensive to make. In a way, The General may be the reason Keaton didn't get Chaplin's elongated career. Which is mindboggling today, but maybe we should choose to blame it on the Lost Cause not being as popular as Hollywood wisdom had it. Birth of a Nation was more than a decade earlier. How nice to image people were over. (It could also just be that people weren't ready for a Civil War comedy yet with a few veterans still at dinner tables. Or maybe the nearness of World War I made war comedy a bit bleh. Who can say)

Anyway, I love this movie. But to show it in school today would requite talking more about the failures of American politics and history than the film itself. Good thing Keaton made other wonderful movies.

HOME
Disney+

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

This remains one of the greatest pieces of popular entertainment, one of the greatest adventure narratives of my lifetime. I was thinking what to compare it to and Star Wars popped into my mind. And then I began to realize they are the same movie.

Keira Knightley plays Princess Leia.

Orlando Bloom plays Luke Skywalker.

Geoffrey Rush plays the half-man / half-monster Darth Vader.

Johnny Depp, in a bit of stunt casting, plays both Obi-Wan and Han Solo.

In an interesting choice, R2-D2 and C-3PO are reproduced in both good guy and bad guy forms, though the pirate version is more like The Hidden Fortress characters than the robots were.

Anyway, it's a terrific movie and I love it (though I did notice some cheating on the pirates-can't-feel bit—uncomfortable splinters and a warm dress, for instance). The only complaint I have is that they kept making them. I suppose the second one was a fine movie, but it ends with one of the greatest betrayals to filmgoers in movie history.

Captain Barbossa's death is one of the most satisfying villain deaths ever shown on screen and bringing him back rendered that moment meaningless. Which I why I never watched movies 3 or 4 or 5. Screw them.

This is precendeted of course. Although I've watched four of the five Jurassic Park movies, none of then lived up to the masterpiece that is the first. (And based on their Tomato scores, I'm guessing 5 and 6 are not redemptive.

That said, the youngest son is thinking about watching them all. I may try to join him. There were bits I liked from #2. Maybe knowing the terrible ending ahead of time will make it more bearable.

Or maybe I'll just go in my room and watch something better.

HOME
our dvd

The Matrix (1999)

Speaking of the great popular entertainments of my lifetime!

Still holds up. And I don't remember ever being as moved by Trinity's emotional climax before.

Lots of little details in this movie really make it feel whole even though, sure, aspects of it are pretty silly. But Carrie-Anne Moss holding up her hand in two phonebooths to bookend the film? Marvelous.

HOME
library dvd

The Green Knight (2021)

Having just read this, I was distracted by the wild differences. I'd go so far as to call it disneyfied, not that it was cleaned up but that all kinds of new characters were introduces and everything was shuffled and changed. Which is fine! Just . . . should've watched the movie first, maybe.

Anyway, it's a beatiful film! As Lady Steed said, this guy is really good at making movies with minimal dialogue. Well done, sir!

And smart move keeping this at a $15 million budget. That way it could make money (barely, but there was a pandemic). Unlike a similar movie with a similar pedigree I might mention.

HOME
Amazon Prime

Jallikattu (2019)

This is an amazing movie. It takes place in an Indian/Christian/Communist village and, depending on the moment, it reminded of me of everything from Jaws to mother! to Lord of the Flies toTree of Life to The Northman to World War Z to, I don't know, Jackass?. Wow. Just . . . wow.

The film is embarrassingly rich with characters and I'm sure if I watched it again, I would be able to follow even more of their arcs. But all you really need to know is that this film is a ride you have not taken before. You have not taken this ride before. It is something new.

Get on the bull.

Among the heavy questions this purely fun film asks is when does community effort become a mob? And do we need outside forces to destroy us when we have each other?

If nothing else, I encourage you to look it up and watch the first five minutes or so just to see its brilliant and simple way to introduce its world through visuals and sound.

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All the President's Men (1976)

After Lady Steed and I watched this she said that she wished she'd seen it as a teenager, that she finally understood Watergate. This time we watched it with the 15yrold and his background knowledge was even weaker so we had to help him understand some of the background that would have been inescapable for a contemporary audience. Which would swiftly make me wonder whether this movie has a future a generation from now EXCEPT he also found the movie completely compelling, riveting, entertaining, and, hey, educational.

Maybe it's the type of movie everyone should watch and then immediately watch again.

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The Post (2017)

This seemed like an appropriate followup to All the President's Men (see above) as I remmebered it being about Katherine Graham's reactions to the whole Woodward/Bernstein affair, but I was wrong. This is about the Pentagon Papers and really should have preceded the older film.

But they are a great pair! Spielberg's team captured the era excellently. Even though it's before the newer and brighter newsroom, it felt like the same place. And the little coda about the Watergate break-in feels like outtakes from the older movie.

It was wonderful watching Kay Graham find her footing and (of course) Meryl Steep makes those moments live. But it's an excellent cast all around, lots of favorite faces in roles bit, medium, and small.

(Incidentally, the complaints Times reporters made about how the Times was portrayed in the film seem to reflect a poor capacity to read movies rather than worthy complaints re accuracy. But I get that they would rather have the movie been about them.)

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2020

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2019

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2018

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2017

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2014

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2013

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