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I had a revelation last fall.
In the spring I’d listened to a handful of YouTuber’s talk about why Jim Croce’s “Operator” has some of the best lyrics in rock/pop history, analyzing the one-sided conversation and the narrator opens his heart to the operator he’s asking to place a call.
(There are tons of them and I watched at least three, but this is the only one I could find in my history.)
Then, over the course of about a day, I heard two of the other four songs below. And I realized
holy crap
maybe I just really really love songs that are half of a telephone conversation?
Because I love all these songs and they are all one half of a telephone conversation.
Let’s discuss them all briefly, shall we? By order of original release.
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Jim Croce: “Operator (That’s Not the Way It Feels)” — August 1972
Even as a kid, I had a thing for lost-love songs. A plaintive voice bemoaning the love who left without closing the door never to be seen again or bumping into someone with whom things can never be the same (still a year-end must for me) or, more realistically for wee me, a love that never happened in the first place.
Anyway, of these, Jim Croce’s “Operator” is one of the best, and its point of view—of a man talking to an unseen stranger through his longing for a lost path—allows him to work through the various stages of loss until he arrives at something like peace. It’s a resolution (if not quite a redemption).
But the key moment in the song is when the narrator says, “You can keep the dime”—rhymed with time and kind—he recognizes the kindness and catharsis he’s received from someone who owed him nothing. He’s released. He doesn’t need to make that call. He’s already made the call that mattered.
Two humans meeting and finding each other—anonymously, never to speak again—and yet having a connection, a shared meaning, within one, single, human moment. It’s wonderful.
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England Dan & John Ford Coley: “I’d Really Love to See You Tonight” — May 1976
One thing writing this will do is reveal how, from a very early age, I was primed for heartbreak and lost love. Now here I am almost halfway through a century and I still haven’t had a single breakup and yet these songs still speak loudly to me. Let’s blame the human allegiance to metaphor, shall we?
Anyway, here we are. They’ve broken up. This time he gets her on the phone and…what does he say?
For a long time, I’ve assumed he’s saying, “I’m not talkin’ ‘bout the live-in,” ie, he’s not suggesting the get back together permanently, that he move his stuff in. Online lyrics sites are split between “I’m not talkin’ ‘bout movin’ in” (which he’s definitely not saying) and “I’m not talkin’ ‘bout the linen.” The latter one sounds the most right of the three and it could be a fun play on words with the next line (“And I don’t want to change your life”), so I think I’m going with it.
Regardless, he misses her. And while he says he’s only calling because “there’s a warm wind blowing and the stars are out” you and I both know that what he really wants is a chance to believe she might still love him ever so slightly—and that that flame might rise again if only, you know, she’d “take a drive along the beach / Or stay at home and watch TV / You see, it really doesn't matter much to me.”
I know, buddy. I know.
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Lionel Richie: “Hello” — February 1982
Brace yourselves:
This song isn’t actually taking place over the phone.
It’s taking place entirely within the narrator’s mind. This is unrequited love. (In the official video, he’s a drama professor in love with a blind student. I’m assuming professional ethics are what keep him from approaching her directly?)
But in my mind, it does take place over the phone. Perhaps he’s leaving a message on her phone. (Answering machines were almost a hundred years old but didn’t really catch on for another two years…so maybe?)
More likely, he’s holding the phone in his hand. His other hand is maybe holding down the receiver or possibly he’s listening to the dial tone and the song ends when it gifts up and starts blaring at him and he’s forced to admit to himself that he’s not dialing that number.
Not today, anyway.
So yes, he’s on the phone, but no one is on the line.
It’s very sad.
And I am revealing a lot about young Theric today, aren’t I?
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Stevie Wonder: “I Just Called to Say I Love You“ — August 1984
If you ever pick up a copy of Rolling Stone you’ll know that Stevie Wonder is a) one of the least sentimental most hardcore musicians who has ever lived and b) this song is the most saccharine piece of bubblegum ever inflicted on the American public.
Okay, Rolling Stone.
Anyway, he’s some kind of songsmith. This is an easy song to pull out of the ol’ internal jukebox and it works for almost every day. It the “Very Merry Unbirthday“ of holiday songs!
It’s also the first (and last) song on this list that’s genuinely happy. This narrator’s in a good place, lovewise. Here’s the opening:
No New Year's Day to celebrate
No chocolate-covered candy hearts to give away
No first of spring, no song to sing
In fact, here's just another ordinary day
But how wonderful when your ordinary is utterly infused with a lifetime love.
I just called to say I love you.
If you have such a you, make such a call.
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And now for a couple honorable mentions.
Nicole Atkins: “The Worst Hangover” — (never released as a single but 2014)
This is perhaps my favorite song (it’s competitive) off one of my favorite albums from the last fifteen years. Which means it’s not filled with childhood nostalgia and angst like the above four, but the real reason it’s only an honorable mention is because I’m not sure the verses are delivered on the phone. The chorus most certainly is. And the “I’m dy-y-y-ing” fadeout at the end is one of my most quoted bits of songery. I sing it, like, literally all the time. And no one knows what I’m quoting because Nicole Atkins has not has a Stevie Wonder–like career. But even so, most critics and fans seem to have written Slow Phaser off as being unlike her other work and therefore less worthy of consideration which is BANANAS because THIS ALBUM IS GREAT.
(Caveat: one song on the album I’ve never listened to because the opening notes prove it an ultimate earworm and . . . I’m nervous having it in my head all the time.)
Nicole, if you’re reading this, I WILL COME TO THE SLOW PHASER ANNIVERSARY TOUR. Don’t miss the Bay Area. Even if it’s just me and you there it will be the best night ever. I can’t wait.
(Unquestionably, this will be the best way for me to hear “Sin Song” for the first time.)
Also, Nicole, if you’re here, is your narrator on the phone the whole time? I think not but cannot say with absolute certainty.
You guys. It’s such a good album.
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Adele: “Hello” — October 2015
I’ll also mention this perfectly good song that everyone expects me to mention even though I just like it. It can’t compete with the nostalgic power of the core four and it can’t compete with Nicole Adkins because that’s one of the greatest albums of all time and although you have a beautiful voice and I might respect you, Adele, I might admire your character, but I fear that I shall not be able to give you my undivided attention. Sorry.
In other phone news I wanted to illustrate this essay with a photo of a payphone receiver hanging off its cord. The photo I have in mind was taken by Helmut Newton and appeared in an edition of I think American Photo circa 1998 (certainly no later than that). The issue was filled with single photos by famous photographers selected by the famous photographers themselves. I’ve never forgotten this photo, mostly because of what Newton said about his photo. He said that nothing is sexier than a telephone. Except a pay telephone.
Anyway, I couldn’t find the photo, but that information should help you interpret this sexy Newton payphone photo if you feel like clicking on it. Warning: sexy Newton payphone photo.
