Younger than myself

.

According to RealAge, although my birth certificate calls me 32.4 years old, I am actually only 28.5. What does this mean, besides potentially hanging around the house and hassling Lady Steed a couple extra years? Not sure. The website doesn't say what I can do with that extra life. But! if I want even more extra life, it recommends the following:

Get your cholesterol tested. (Why? I thought I told you my cholesterol numbers were awwwwesome.)

Spend 120 seconds at the sink. (I said I brushed too; what gives?)

Watch your BP. (Sigh..... You're just saying this because I never bother memorizing the numbers. I can tell.)

Ease your headaches. (I think we miscommunicated. I haven't had a migraine in almost twenty years and the little headaches are rare.)

Stop the burn. (Again, this isn't a problem I really have any more. You need to listen better.)

Watch the lead foot. (I know, I know. You're not the first to tell me that.)

Get air bags. (Check. Soon enough I'll be in airbags all the time, I'm sure.)

Bring home a furry friend. ("Get a dog if possible." Are you joking?)

Boost your omega-3 intake. (You're probably right, here.)

Get a daily dose of C. (It's sitting right there. I just need to remember.)

Boost your E. (Right. Also, right there. Just need to remember.)

Pump up the potassium. (Good news! I've trained myself to like bananas! But I tend to leave them for the baby.)

Boost your folate intake. (I'm sure it's in the multi. That's, you know, right there.)

Up your calcium and D intake. (Undoubtedly. Thank goodness the pills right there waiting for me to take it.)

Take a closer look at your diet. (You just want me to take your other survey, don't you?)

Eat more grains. (With butter?)

Vary your veggies. (I don't remember us talking about this, but I see you know me better than you let one. A broccoli-based diet is insufficient?)

Have some fruit. (I have to admit I was ashamed how low I had to mark this. Next time I'm at Costco, I swear.)

Kick up your intensity. (I don't understand. I told you I don't exercise at all. How does one "kick up" nothing?)

Tighten and tone. ("Devote at least 90 minutes each week to exercises that build muscle strength and endurance. But slowly work up to this amount." You crack me up.)

Do more cardio. (More than nothing? "Gradually work up to 210 minutes of cardio a week." Holy crap, are you serious??? Who has time for this?)

Know your numbers. (I'm not sure, honestly, what good knowing my heart rate will do. And telling my BMI is 21.1 means nothing to me. Is that good?)

Stretch. (You seriously expect me to do "two or three 30-minute sessions per week of balance and flexibility exercises"? What good are these things? And why did you never have a question that incorporated my walking to work? That must count for something.)

So if I'm ever going to have the life-expectancy of a teenager again, apparently I still need to work on some things.

But seriously: what would I do with all those extra years? Someday I'll finish watching the Thin Man movies and then I think I'll be set. You?