RRR: this year's cookoff

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A Pair of Pickles
by Theric


Pickle One: Thcucumbers with Thpeppercorns

Everybody loves a cucumber. These were taken fresh from the garden, sliced thin and soaked in an organic apple cider vinegar. (Because nonorganic apples will kill you if fermented. It’s true. Ask anyone.)

To counteract the environmentally friendly foods of homegrown veggies and organic acids, peppercorns were added, which, as I’m sure you know, are transported from faraway lands on carbon-spewing barges that are eager to destroy all life on Mother Earth.

The combination of forward looking and the remnants of the oppressive spice trade turn this potentially simple dish into a potent questioning against modern Western culture and the future of this very planet. Will we survive? Or will we all perish? Thcucumbers with Thpeppercorns doesn’t pretend to answer that question, but it asks it in a forceful and through an entirely new vocabulary.


A Pair of Pickles
by Theric


Pickle Two: Kick-You-in-the-Teeth Carrots

Baby carrots. Sneer. What a misnomer. They’re just fullgrown carrots that have been unfairly cut down in size and, you may be sure: they don’t like it. And they ain’t having it no more.

Kick-You-in-the-Teeth Carrots give the benighted and humiliated carrot a chance to regain some of its lost dignity through a juxtaposition of their naturally cheery color and the chance to strike back at oppressive humanity with a quick kick to the teeth.

(Eat at your own risk.)

9/20/08 10:11 PM