Fifth Five Books of 2007

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25) Frank by Jim Woodring, finished April 12

Woodring is so storied and respected and yet, in my brief glances, I would never understood why. But today, when I returned Concrete to the library (see below), I saw this volume and decided to give it a fling. And you know what? Believe what you hear. What a mindtrip. Reading Frank is like leaving entering Wonderland.
under an hour

24) The Complete Concrete by Paul Chadwick, finished April 3

Quickly: Concrete is a superhero-like character in a nonsuperhero world. He is an exquisitely realized character in an exquisitely realized world. ¶ One thing I sometimes wonder is if, given comics' spotty history, I am more willing to forgive well done work of its minor problems. It's possible. This book, for instance, is not flawless. But I've already applied the adverb exquisitely to it twice. ¶ I first heard of Concrete at our last library; there was a shorter (and color) story of Concrete trying on actordom. I knew nothing of the character or his world and I did not want to find out by reading something from his later history. So I never did check it out. ¶ Then I found this one at our new library and put it on my mental to-read list. I was not disappointed. ¶ This volume was not accurately "complete" when published over a decade ago, but it is still a great and good-enough introduction to the character and I recommend it to anyone looking for comics. You won't be disappointed. ¶ [UPDATE: Lady Steed couldn't get through the first story to the better stuff, so....]
three weeks and a day

23) The Rumpelstiltskin Problem by Vivian Vande Velde, finished March 30

Ever read a book so brilliant in concept and execution that you just want to steal the idea for yourself? Such a book is this. VVV takes a stoty that really doesn't make a lot of sense and makes six new versions, each of which stays true to the old tale while being completely different from each other and finding its own unique way of telling the story. So you have versions where Rumpelstiltskin is a friendly elf and loves the girl or where Rumpelstiltskin is a hungry troll or where Rumpelstiltskin is the lonely lady down the street or where Rumpelstiltskin is the girl's father or a confused soldier who has no idea what is going on. ¶ VVV takes the story and attacks it from a new point of view or with a totally new set of basic facts yet never once denies the Rumpelstiltskinniness of it all or lets the story become anything other than a perfect fairy tale. The book is a delight. I should totally steal it.
two days

22) Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson, finished March 28

SPOILER ALERT Since everyone in the reading world has already read this book, I don't feel bad about talking about what happens. But in case you have not read it, you may now consider yourself warned. ¶ So I had never read this book before, in large part because of its huge onus. When I was a kid, it was always Shock and Horror when word came down that yet another class of impressionable kids was being forced to read this book filled with bad language. (Final tally: 1 "bitching", 2 "damn"s, 1 "hell" [not including "damn"s and "hell"s used in an appropriate, religious context].) So it was never a book I thought I could bring home, and I was never one for being tricksy about such matters, so I just never read it. And, in fact, knew next to nothing about it. Although, since it's an award winner, I should have known someone would die. Though I didn't really think much about it until the book whaled me in the head with the most heavy-handed foreshadowing I have ever encountered, leaving me lying in the grass whimpering, blood streaming from my ear. ¶ Even with that grievous sin on its hands though, the book was still pretty good. I'm a little surprised it's a classic that has affected so many kids so profoundly, but not all that much. It was worth reading and quite short and "important" so, you know.
perhaps a month

21) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller et al, finished March 23

I'm glad to say this Batman book--checked out the same time as the last--was much better. I finished reading it under the watchful gaze of Master Fob, Batmanologist, and under his explicit approval. I liked the book very much, though I am ambivalent about the ending. After the book proper was Miller's storyout for the ending in prose before it went into collabomode. (Watch me make up more words everday! Here at Thmusings!) I have to say I like the original better than the final product. Makes me rather wish his original vees were all reprinted as appendices. But alas.
over a week

PREVIOUSLY

20) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, finished March 16
19) Batman: Gothic by Grant Morrison et al, finished March 13
18) Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, finished March 7
17) Stink: The Incredible Shrinking Kid by Megan McDonald, finished March 7
16) 50 Professional Scenes for Student Actors: A Collection of Short 2 Person Scenes by Garry Michael Kluger, finished March 6
15) Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair by Pablo Neruda, finished March 5
14) Frindle by Andrew Clements, finished March 1
13) Brain Wave by Poul Anderson, finished February 27
12) The Best American Comics 2006 edited by Harvey Pekar and Anne Elizabeth Moore, finished February 26
11) Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, finished February 15
10) The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ edited by Mormon and Moroni, finished February 7
9) Lisey's Story by Stephen King, finished February 1
8) The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett, finished January 26
7) Empire by Orson Scott Card, finished January 24
6) Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, finished January 22
5) Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh, finished January 17
4) Superman Adventures Vol. 1: Up, Up and Away! by Mark Millar, finished January 16
3) A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson, finished January 12
2) Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud, finished January 11
1) Galápagos by Kurt Vonnegut, finished January 10

In Memoriam V.K.

.

We hardly knew thee.

Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Thing

.

There I was, in Korea, a missionary--though that's not relevant to the problem at hand, which was melting soap.

Without a soap dish, it swiftly turned to goo and oozed down the walls of the shower.

With a soap dish, it swiftly turned to goo, making the dish a bowl of soap soup.

This was a problem. A problem in need of a solution.

Enter my costar whom I could call Dr.****v, but that is too similar to his real name. So I could call him S***************s, but that's his email address and is currently ungooglable and should remain that way. And I won't call him Th*******t because that is too close to my own name. So I think, for reasons I shan't be explaining today (because they're too astonishing not to get their own post someday), I will call him Ratman.

Elder Ratman and I frequently lamented the existence of a workable way to save our soap. When we weren't eating ice cream or drinking carrot juice, that is. Or, um, doing missionary work.

This was at the Boo, our mission offices. Our apartment (atop the offices atop the church building) had two showers side by side separated by an ~7'-high tiled wall and it was the goal of the other 4 to 8 missionaries living at the Boo (it varied) to shower before us, as we had something of a reputation for singing and chatting and just taking too bloody long.

But we never had a really worthy topic to sing or chat about until that auspicious day, there in a corner of our regular grocery store, we found Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things. Sweet. Nelly.

A Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things is shaped like a turtle. The shell removes so that soap may be placed inside, and the turtle's legs keep the draining holes high that the water may actually drain.

To whit, with the introduction of Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things, our soap no longer melted.

And thus we had to compose a song-----

RATMAN: Turtle Soap Soap Dish Con-tainer Thing!
THMAZING: Bum! Bum! Bum!
RATMAN: Keeps your soap from melting a-and everything!
THMAZING: Bum! Bum! Bum!

That was as far as we ever got, but that four-line song was sung every single day with deep and abiding feelings of love and respect for our Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things.

For our Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things saved our soap.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ratman returned to Korea not long after I came home and he did me the kindness of sending me the new JuJu Club and Seo Taiji albums. This is the mark of a true friend.

Ratman also assisted Myke and me in certain scientific endeavors which we are prevented from discussing by executive order.

Ratman also tells the best jokes about paintchips. EVER.

Ratman makes excellent and artistic use of airplane vomit bags.

Ratman has vast experience in cutting up animals.

Ratman is freaking awesome.

One of the reasons I am finally finishing this post today (I started it ages ago) is because Ratman has recently been uncovered lurking at Thmusings. And Ratman is one of the most gloriously offkilter human beings Earth has produced and he SHOULD be gracing the world with his genius rather than hiding it under a bushel.

You heard me.

Start a blog.

Even one post a month would be something.

Ratman?

Ratman?

Ratman?

note: for a long, long time now, I've been meaning to start a series of posts that are open letters to dear friends who I wish would blog; though not quite in that form, it may be fair to include this as the first in that series

Placeholder

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(sorry, lots to do today; I'll do better later; in the meantime, work)

Easter Svithe

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(I'll leave it at that)






last week's svithe

What you need for the best weekend ever

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Yeeeeeep. This is what it's all about, folks.

The perfect hat.

For the perfect weekend.

To your left (volume three)

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Master Fob's Fobcave

Master Fob and I met in a creative writing class taught by Dean Hughes, after which we went on to found Fob. Master Fob's blog may be the only blog (besides my own and my wife's in which I have read every post in its entirety (including only blogs at least a year old).

Mr Fob writes some of the best svithes and his personal life has become can't-miss for a goodly number of the web's voyeurs. Of course, those people are messed up beyond measure, but still, sort of makes you wonder what you've been missing, doesn't it?

(example: underwear)

Foxy J's Yellow Wallpaper

I may well have met Foxy before Mr Fob as she was working in the same office as Lady Steed. In fact, they talked about their respective husbands and discovered that we might well know each other before we did. Then, one time, when I returned a comic script I was reading for him, Lady Steed and Foxy J remet each other face-to-face in the presence of their husbands and that was that.

Although I may never forgive Foxy for having morning sickness when I made them my famous rotten-bean soup.

I haven't made it again since.

(Although I think that's just a coincidence.)

Queen Zippergut's Palace

Queenie met Mr Fob at a writing conference and he invited her to be the third founding Fob. She was perfect. She was sharp, funny, a good writer. She had a hard time actually completing things, but she remains a master of the excellent start.

Then she married some English guy and crossed the pond and started her Palace. Although! although she can be a sporadic writer, when she's on top of her game, she's on top of the game.

Now if we could only get her to finish that novel.....

Recession Cone's Set of Feasible Rays

RC and his wife (see next) moved into our ward (c. 2002) then showed up in our hypnobirthing class (2003) then took over our hospital room when we abandoned it for an evergency c-section (2003) then moved to the Berkeley area not long before we arrived (c. 2006). After borrowing my copy of Cat's Cradle, RC rightly suspects we may be part of the same karass.

RC's blog is not that different from talking to RC. You can expect fascinating facts dealt with erudition and hefty opinion. Check it out. Comment. Keep him writing.

'sposita's Mariposas Oscuras

It drives me nuts, starting your name with an apostrophe---makes me hate putting it at the beginning of a sentence---I can't decide whether to capitalize the first-but-post-apostrophe letter or not---maddening.

In other news, she also takes pictures.

Volume One, 1990 - 1999
Volume Two, 2000 - 2000

I Mispoke

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(WARNING: this post contains HIDDEN but UNCENSORED language. DO NOT highlight the blank spots unless you can handle some VERY INAPPROPRIATE ENGLISH.)

.

You know how sometimes someone might say something which would not normally be anything unusual for them to say, but because of certain company would be rude or inappropriate? For instance, saying one has to take a crap in front of a prim grandmother rather than formal excusement for nose powdering? Yes, well last Friday a young lady mispoke in front of two adults at the high school, during class, one of whom was me, which she then quickly corrected.

Her mispeak:

"Shut up you damn fuck!"

Which was then corrected to:

"I mean dumb fuck!"

Have yourself a very pagan Easter

.

I was bothered yesterday, when looking at the drug store ads, to see Easter paraphernalia featuring SpongeBob SquarePants. Now, I love SpongeBob as much as the next guy, but what does he have to do with the cruel murder and glorious resurrection of the son of God and savior of all mankind?

Really, I would like Easter to be a holiday purely religious. Even delightful and historical fertility symbols like cute lambs, chicks and eggs, and ever-fertile bunny rabbits are weird and out of place.

Easter is about Jesus and Jesus only.

Now, while there may be no Christmas without Easter, somehow the gross commercialism of Christmas doesn't bother me so much--perhaps because it's in the spirit of baby showers. But pastel-egging the salvation of man seems a little less appropriate---like the general agreement that we don't like Grand Canyon brought to you by McDonald's.

Oil and water.

Lady Steed and I are thinking we'll switch chocolate bunnies and egg hunts to Saturday, with egg coloring on Friday, and leave Sunday for Christian stuff. I don't say this to make us look good, but simply to add to my argument that a SpongeBob Easter is no Easter at all.

And it's just weird.....

General Conference Svithetacular 177.0

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SATURDAY MORNING

Richard G Scott

Man, Elder Scott is always RIGHT THERE when it's his turn to speak. Every second counts....

On prayer, the command to.

Extended pleas of love and gratitude--

Prayr most effective when striving to be clean and obedient.

Hakuna matata

Never feel to unworthy to pray

the immense power of prayer---comprehendable?

(in the bedroom: I am informed Dumbo needs another blanket)

(we had intended to watch video feed of conference online, but our new machine's Vista is not supported by byu.tv or ksl.com)

(but audio feed reminds us of the early days of marriage, lying in bed and listening to the radio)

no thought save it was to ask me

study it out

THEN ask

shall FEEL that it is right

"a feeling to pray more"--there's a shade of humor though

he's giving his personal versions of how answered prayers feel

So...how do you determine the difference between a stupor and just not paying attention?

peace v burning v stupor

God will answer prayers in the way best for you

-----

This is the first time the svithtacular has been initially typed, rather than transcribed from handwritten notes. How this will make the thing different it not yet certain. I would hypothesize that there will be more svithtacular this way, but one talk a trend does not make. And the Big O has not been too....Oey yet....

Thank you, choir.

-----

Jay E Jensen

A flood? Every time? How exhausting.

J Reben Clark: Music bested only by prayer to get us closer to God.

church music should fascilitate a spirit of worship (def?)

:listen to the prelude music:

hymns as lullabies

1)get early to listen to prelude
2) exit reverently to get the postlude
3)SING the hymns, you lousy good-for-nithings
4)I foget this one---something about appropriate
5)use hymns to play with scriptures
L)listen to hymns in home to get Spirit

blessings

-----

John B Dickson (sp? i've no visual)

Good morning youself! (said friendily)

To the youth.
That's not me no more no more
That's not me no more

I have no memory of making a specific WoW commitment, but that hasn't stopped me from staying clean. It's something that I just can't fathom not doing. Why would I suck beer? I have no motivation? I suspect that some things can just be built into one's nature making those sins no temptation at all. While other things....

His story on that subject was so astonishingly generic that it could have been anyone while, in effect, being no one.

Sorry. I don't mean to complain.

Yes! It would be wonderful!

I won't cheat!

No vulgar jokes!

There.

Now for success....

Interesting. Good is cool. Finally!

-----

Elder....Holland? Why didn't we hear him announced?

words are sacred

ergo blogging is sacred?

Caution re: how we speak to each other and of ourselves

Not often we get people quoting the apocrypha in GC

James: offending not in word makes the perfect man

tongue a rudder

reminds me of that old anti-forest-fires ad re: one tree many matches, one match, many trees

(the finite versus the infinite)

WATCH YOUR TONGUE!

the same mouth....

These things ought not so to be

out of the same mouth proceedeth blessings and cursings
these things ought not to be

Wifes?!?!

abuse:bad

on words as the shapers of children

It is appropriate for Elder Holland to speak on words, for he is a master of the things.

Okay, no more calling the Big O an evil abomination destined to destroy all that this world has ever made that was beautidul.

Just kidding, Bog I!

"Negative speaking so often flows from negative feeling. Including negative felling about ourselves."

Theric.

Whatever Whitney said.

Optimistic
bright side of things

Pessimistic
drags mena way from God

Ha HA!
I knew it!

Man. Everything looks too yellow.

Hit me one more time. I can still hear you.

No misfortune is so bad that whining won't make it worse.

Amen!

Speak with a new tongue: the tongue of angels.

-----

Mystery Person why didn't I hear these speakers announced? / Lady Steed thinks it may be Elder Bednar

He looked forward to canning season?

Fine reasons, but still....

How a cucumber becomes a pickle? This sounds good.

Pickles are awesome.

They have no more disposition to do evil but to do good continually.

TRANSFORMATION

I like the pickling process being the born-again process because pickling takes time and steps.

immersion, saturation

I predict that this excellent metaphor will be one of the most-remembered and most-quoted parts of this conference.

THE PARABLE OF THE PICKLE

I just got a chain in the eye....

-----

President Thomas S Monson who also conducted

family

death

each must choose to whom he will listen

so easy to choose disbelief; it requires nothing

change

death like going into another room

eyewitnesses

the testimony last of all

unshak[e]able

surgery

His endless resource of story is endlessly astonishing.

dead at 22
dead at 14

death is our universal heritage; all must pass its portals

The hottie rejected him?

Sorry---the Big O and I have been singing the Alphabet Song.

-----

SATURDAY AFTERNOON

President Hinckley conducts in the Tabernacle, back again, to be rededicated this session

Pretty cool

Pres Boyd K Packer

Shoot. Making that sandwich took longer than I expected

excellence is often invisible

I hear sirens through the speakers---anyone know what that was all about?

surely this isn't a testimony of a building---what's he driving at?

Tabernacle a house of faith, fasting, glory, etc, even His House

"symbolic of the Restoration"

You hear, that Choir? Stay on task!

standards of the testimony of Jesus Christ

(standard like a flag)

A hit hymn?

-----

Elder Earl C Tingey

Brigham Young v GB Hinckley

-----

Bishop H David Burton

yet more on the tabernacle

-----

Sister Bonnie D Parkin I don't think I spelled that right

We find in the bittter chill of adversity the true test of our gratitude
--D O McKay

good talk

-----

Elder Marlin K Jensen

constantly accumulating a reservoir of memories
something to dip into

The First Vision

forget yourself and go to work
for 70 years

Memory and Remembrance in the gospel

-----

Pres James E Faust

is there still a baptismal font in the Tab?
where is it?

outdoors meetings
canvas tabernacle
tabernacle
internet
Progress!

-----

Pres Thomas S Monson

Ah. So the baptistry's gone.

I'm a sucker for a story

Play Misty for meeee!!!

-----

President Gordon B. Hinckley

Fair to say that Tabernacle of "curious workmanship"

-----

Dedicatory Prayer

PRIESTHOOD

choir: everyone touch your nose!
who's the bald guy? He looks awful old for this choir....

Eld Joseph B Wirthlin

more reflections

football
giant
dropped pass
inside voice
Mongolia

keeping eyes on balls
focusing on goals
prioritizing values

Joseph, do what is right no matter the consequences. Do what is right and what is good will follow.

integrity as lasting

have they been showing recreative clips like this all day?
were they all sepia-toned?

"Priesthood means service; bearing the priesthood, I will serve."

sugar beets

service passed on; the power of a great leader

what's your gift

the gift of obedient service?

-----

Elder Robert D Hales

the divine decision that determined eternal progression

noticed: the idea of a single, determining choice

JBW's was in youth
RDH's was in preexistence

RDH's others:
occupation, mission, priesthood, spouse, I missed a lot

all these decisions made in a rather short period of time, ~1 decade, ~your twenties

the fighter pilot who did not prepare for disaster and thus died

preconditioned responces

no decision? DIE WITH THE PLANE

Am I that kind of friend to others?
Am I the kind of person I want my eternal companion to be?

At least I don't need a haircut after all.

the internship of life

develop gifts and talents

prayer in the selection of schooling

so many pilots....

what a way to go

the spiritual inner ear
1 degree at a time
cannot be detected
spiritual vertigo

all or nothing as a pattern for life

time on earth sufficient--
if learned to use wisely during youth

eternal heritage v. things of this world

BE THERE
we were all there in the counsel of heaven
how about at church or on the job
There?
Mm?
Mm.

(and not as a witness)

at the Celestial Kingdon

amen

-----

Bishop Kevin B McMullin

all may receive
all may succeed

this is true

"you are in charge of your world"

evils of chemistry class

failureto approximate the law of averages

CRASH!

good news: we don't have to be like Kevin McMullin

Lord, power, Saints, [illegible]

-be faithful
-unencumber your life
-lay up in store

I think I'm going to go ahead and interpret this as permission to put food storage on Lady Steed's to-do list.

Oh crap.

Now I'm an infidel. Worse than, in fact.

a year's supply of debt and food-free

Ooo! New pamphlets!
I'm there.

like mac&cheese?

mmmmm legumes..........

I don't know how to spell that.
But it didn't sound Italian

Trust in the Lord with all thy heart
lean unto him
He will direct you

-----

President Faust

what about the talks specifically for men between 40 and 60?

Peter, priest, learns to listen to the spirit during ordaining a teacher

IS the Lord's business

darn fathers/mothers/society/will
oh
will.....
Devil!

What?
The devil can't make me do it?

Whoops.

old age - difficulties run into us.

my paisley tie seems to represent the food chain

a generous supply of baling wire

any kind of skill requires specialized learning

Jacob Marley. That poor guy really screwed things up.

success‡immediate
Y? reqs hard work
reqs time

leverage uniqueness

could make beds but not his bed
follow?

Go forth in faith

-----

President Monson

6½ billion

determination
courage (counts)

"all the boys you could capture"

"Have Courage My Boy to say No"
errr, yes

always, at all times
"I am carrying my priesthood here"

the limit of priesthood comes to you
(me)

I'll be in the Navy! Not a mission!

the story about the book at the bottom of the bag is his story

Monson! Aren't you an elder!
Give me a blessing!

surprising that he'd never even seen a blessing before

pursuit of worthyness

does he ever turn down an invitation?

knocked-down road sign
dying of liver cancer
wet rag
right hand and left
angels round about you

3J4
no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth
give your [dying] father that

I wonder if he calls his wife before going off on these things or if she's just grown to accept that he's just off doing good

-----

President Hinckley

"I regret that I am so old at a time when the world is so exciting."

12yrs:stat!
almost 40% of all this dispensation's missionaries(!)
3mil400,000 converts (>¼ current membership)
retention (def?) up "significantly"
"Significantly"?

Put your shoulder to the wheel

I'm no elephant....

on Joseph F Smith
born
dad dies
crosses plains
mission to Hawaii
(via SF shingle mill)
remarkable dream
(oppressed
(friendless save for the poor
(no intelligence, just a boy
(dreamed of a journey
(Hurry! Hurry!
([I remember him speaking of this]
(carrying only a bundle
(mansion, destination
(Hurry!
(BATH
(:check:
(:clean:
(bundle--clean clothes
(Hurry!
(door
(Prophet Joseph Smith: You're late.
(JFS: Yes, but I am clean! I am clean!
(clasped, drawn in, door closes
(Hyrum, Brigham, Heber, Willard
(a man, a man, I am a man
(a valley of people
(onstage: people known: incl. mother)
awoke a man
without fear
witness/manifestation: "made me what I am"; if anythng good at all

Joseph, you are late.
Yes, but I am clean! I am clean!
---and thus a boy became a man
---possessed of courage
---born of a clear conscience

Isaiah: wash you, make you clean, put away evil, learn to do well, scarlet sins white as snow.

be ye clean that bear the vessels of the Lord

(I think that was the title of the last talk)

clean language
(ixnay on the ainvay)

clean thought

clean body (dress/manner)
(ixnay on the attootay)

sloppy dress---}sloppy manners

Might?

"unbecoming"

----tech-no----

cultivate kinship with HIM

amen

-----

SUNDAY MORNING

President James E Faust

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

that crazy guy who shot up the Amish

hurt w/o hate

love them who hate you

it is an incredible story

I haven't heard the family's letter before

How did the Amish forgive?

Because of a fully incorporated faith in Christ.

anger as normal first response

we may never know why some things happen

forgiveness leads to greater well being--fat people, listen up

required to forgive all, even people who slip in casual fat jokes

"This thing will destroy my family if we don't forgive."

healing and peace came with forgiveness

hatred retards spiritual growth

-----

Elder Dallin H Oaks

on divorce

"divorce touches most families in the Church"

the effects of divorce on the eternal family relationships

is marriage only a private relationship?

easier to divorce than fire sometimes

"starter" marriages

looking at marriage as a fragile contract not good

from the beginning [divorce] was not so

marriage as requirement, as godly, as eternal

but some marriages do not progress

because of the hardness of our hearts, we are not held to the standard Jesus taught

to good Church members who have been divorced:

a couple awful stories from the Philippines

need for the healing power of the Atonement (available)

to married members, spec. those considering divorce:

for most problems, remedy not divorce but repentence

problem not ... shoot lost it ... but selfishness

divorce not an all-purpose solution, has many long-term not-good consequences

b/c divorce separates children from the longterm goals of parents, children suffer; divorced parents deprioritise children

a marriage, like life, a precious, living thing

we do not give up while any prospect for healing

balance current disappointments with past good and future glory

festering is destructive,
forgiving divine

cf: Faust

UNIVERSALLY, all divorcers insist that their situation is special and unique and exempts them from what they agree is the proper way to do things

change as excuse

stat: divorce rarely makes people happier
stat: staying married usually does

"my husband and I and the Lord . . . if two of us can hang in there, we will make it"

cannot control and not responsible for the acts of others, even when they hurt us deeply

Do the best you can.

to those contemplating marriage:

avoid marrying an unfaithful cad

if you wish to marry well, enquire well

hanging out and email insufficient

"ample opportunities" (!)

marriage does not require a perfect man and a perfect woman (one perfect person enough?)

sacrifice, sharing, redaction of personal liberty, economy, children and their baggage, deepest and sweetest emotions of all

-----

Elder Neil L Anderson

April 1973? That was a long time ago.

GBH meets young naval officer, convert, not from Christian nation thus may lose all on his return

"It's true isn't it? Then what else matters?"

some things are evil and must be avoided
some things are nice
some things are important
some things are absolutely essential

build and fortify faith

when an individual motivated by conviction of truth....(it's good)

do our choices reflect such motivations?

I lost my CTR ring and cannot choose the right

excuses can impede our progress

oh.....that kind of veil....

(stories)

this refrain manner of talk-giving seems to be gaining in poplarity among General Conference speakers

-----

Sister Nikki E Matsumori

The Book of Mormon has stories for kids of all ages.

to convert parents?

to someone without knowledge of the story, she could be interpreted as saying that we convert people so their children can fight those unconverted; not so! hooo

on the evils of Isaiah

persistence is the key (to reading the scriptures)

learn that Jesus is the Savior

Stanley

covenants increase faith

Holy Ghost

Mexico City

not all goodly parents are Mormon (pt1)
but their legacy can still strengthen their convert children in the gospel

first-generation converts' obligation to pass on new truth to their children

-----

Elder Glen L Pace

kyo whey whey wun
(only one in the high school)

to the youth: do you know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God?

"Oh....but I always wanted to read that pamphlet. Thank you!"

it worked every time

inescapably bored
stack of free stuff
Joseph Smith tells his own story
riveted
heart filled with joy

Crying?!?!

the Comforter will bring all things to your remembrance

read and pray about Joseph Smith story

-----

Elder M Russell Ballard

Bible as miracle

Bibly holy

Bible's role in teaching of Christ

Bible's existence may be blamed on neither chance nor coincidence

(inspired folk)

(sacrificing folk)

(is it Teasdale or Tynsdale)

Roger Williams calls for restoration

looking for God with the Bible

(meaning Bible as tool,
not the god with a book)

reformers led to wide Bible ownership led to First Vision

(Roger Williams dead by now)

Hooray for the Bible!

search the scriptures for they are they which testify of me

scriptures rich in history sermons doctrines testimonies

LDS believe that all scripture given by inspiration of God and is profitable

Bible a pillar of our faith, a powerful testimony of Christ

studying the Bible reveals doctrinal underpinning of the restored gospel

need to balance study to understand all scripture

Do Not Devalue the Bible

bedrock of all christianity

our responsibility is to share
we do not belittle
we do not dilute or abandon the Bible
we build upon it
in testimony of Christ

"another" testament, not "the" testament

last conference, Bible quoted ~200 times

we not only believe, but strive to follow the B's teachings

we must help all--even our own members--to understand the Bible

amen

-----

Pr Hinckely

sounds older

feeling like the last leaf on the tree

but some of you may go before I do

but with age in mind, wish to give testimony of the basic truths of this work

may not know everything, but of that which I am certain I speak today

Nicea, ad325

our fortune: doctrine not from committee but from personal experience, starting with Joseph Smith in the Grove

too many experiences of answered prayers

counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good

if ye do these things (pray) ye will be lifted up at the last day

2. (also re: First Vision) Christ lives

Creator, Jehovah, Savior, Word

great atoning sacrifice

forgave murderers

resurrection

3. the Atonement
w/o it life meaningless

mortality a stepping stone to a more glorious future

no Christmas without Easter

4. re: Restoration

priesthood (A&M)

misheard: "ladies' hands on the heads of Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery" (Lady Steed heard it that way too)

Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church.

5. the blessings of the House of the Lord
(temples)

offer blessings had nowhere else)

sealing of families for eternity

most remarkable: authority to do vicarious work

20,005 sessions? That's a lot.

~as many people as in the Conference Center today

imagine if we were all so dedicated

-----

SUNDAY AFTERNOON
last session
Monson conducts

Elder L Tom Perry

the activator kid

gospel restored for all who will listen and obey

I wonder if we're hearing about the First Vision more than usual this conference....

and, of course, the first article of faith is often now first quoted by antiMormons. that's not irony; that's to be expected; and for the same reasons

point: God DOES inspire men in THIS day and age

the churning out of the book of mormon

Oliver's a much fancier wordsmith than Joseph

May 5, 1829

the power to act in the name of the Lord again on the earth

I just told that story to my Primary class last week

April 6, 1930

New church!

message unique: fullness of gospel restored

BOLDNESS

saving ordinances revealed

-----

Elder Henry B Eyring

SOMEDAY
....dangerous....

What's wrong with today?

And then you run out of time.

God gives each day as a treasure. And he will require an accounting.

Worrying about old yesterdays, looking to uncoming tomorrows, not so good.

"SOMEDAY I WILL" a thief of time (life).

postnow: that darkness in which no labor may be performed

not that it matters----you will, after all, be possessed of the same spirit then as now....

get those garments made white in the blood of the Lamb

choose ye this day whom ye will serve, but as for me and my house....

the Holy Ghost is a cleanser of sin

Even Jesus said he must work while it is day, for come the night, nothing may be done

Ergo, we must labor for him and serve him without delay

Hooray for those who arrive early

early in a literal day, study and prayer, can also send the day off in a good way

nothing about this life meant to be easy

test them now herewith
see how we'll react

we had confidence before we arrived
(can we feel so now?)

receiving gospel
baptism
reception of the Holy Ghost
all possible for even the humblest of us
no requirement of great intellect or wealth

temptation to procrastinate will always be great

that his bowels may be filled with mercy that he will know how to succor his people

tepmptation to delay comes from
1-complacency re: what already done
2- overwhelmedness re: what yet to do

SOMEDAY

Aiiieeee!!!!!

Sheez. No pressure.

leave it to others cause I'm all good, or my next day will come

The Danger in Taking a Rest (b/c you feel you have done enough)

Elderly servant: "Oh please, take me with you."

Never stop moving.

Like a shark.

the days of the children of men were prolonged that they might repent while in the flesh

overwhelmed by own poverty no excuse to wait
serve now
they may be waiting for you
in the name of the Lord

two promises for the overwhelmed
1-hardest things seem today better if you serve today anyway as you will receive new strength and confidence; Jesus will take care of it
2-by choosing to serve to day you will feel His love and grow to love Him more

...for how knoweth a man a master whom he has not served and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?

feeling his love will draw you back into service knocking away feelings both complacent and overwhelmed

so pray every day

-----

Elder Gary J Coleman

Courtney the 14-yr old Mormon Christian Mormon

A christian faith centered on the Savior

the idea of three separate beings dates to biblical times--why, the Father spoke at Jesus's batpism!

post His death and resurrection, Stephen (Steven?) saw them both

this separation doctrine became lost

Curse those Niceans! Those Constantinopleans!

many struggle with that teaching of the Trinity

when he learned the Mormon thoughts on the subject, oh, what a difference!

(check: First Vision)

the good shepherd

reality of additional scripture and revelation

Lady Steed and I were just noticing how this conference seems to be hitting very hard very basic doctrines like the First Vision, our takes on Christ, the Godhead, scripture....

Wonder if more people not LDS are listening than usual because of Mitt Romney?

Dunno....

living water

Restoration of Priesthood Authority ("or the authority to act in God's Name") (see?)

every priesthood holder can trace his authority directly to Jesus Christ

"I am a devout Christian"
fortunate to have all these truths just enumerated
understanding of the Godhead ... etc

amen

-----

Elder Charles W Dalquist

(I hope I'm matching names and talks correctly)

GBH a prophet as much as any other previous

to YMs and YWs of the church, their leaders, YSAs:

"there never was such a time as this ... such a generation of youth" (gbh)

baptized beneath a storm of stones and shouts
miraculously untouched

Who's on the Lord's side, who?
We ask it fearlessly.
Who's on the Lord's side, who?

a question for us all

recommended answer: I am.

consider going back for the brass plates

(1N3:7)

not recommended: Who me?

consider the other Israelites v Goliath

NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE
(i am a child of god)

living prophets
parents
teachers
that sweet ole pamphlet

memorized hymn

God knows us as his children

everyone paying attention to this talk should send me a quarter for a free single-serve cone at Cold Stone*

-----

Elder Yoshihiko Kikuchi

The Law of Tithing

FULL DISCLOSURE: I LOVE THIS KIKUCHI GUY

quoting Malachi

robbing God, storehouses, proving, windows of heaven

ah, so that D&C scripture means you should note your funds at Dec 31 and pay tithing on the difference on the next Dec 31. So be sure to spend everything before that date.*

I the Lord require a willing heart and mind

stake reoprganization assignment

drought

young bishop called as new stake president

Elder K thinking about the drought

asked them to
1-faithfully pay tithing
2-regular prayer
3-daily scripture
4-willing Sabbath observance
5-temple often
6-willingly sustain and follow new leaders
7-stakewide fast (and any others who want to participate)

the coming of rain

on entire community

in complete disregard of the forecast

and again

late in April

snow in the mountains (=good)

reservoir filled (almost)

frost came late the following winter to allow the harvest

blessings continue

in Chronicles: peole humble and pray and leave wickedness and then He hears from heaven and forgives their sins and heals their land

tithing paid by faith

(money incidental)

take the lord at his word

(last three gbh)

let us demonstrate faith with tithing

Jesus the savior
Joseph saw him and his father
Gordon the prophet now, inviting you to the temple

-----

Elder Dieter Uchtdorf

The Point of No Return

devil would have us believe each sin constitutes such a point

the devil may quote scripture

sin: the willful transgression of the law of God

God never loses hope in/for us

Jesus came not to condemn the world but that the world might be saved

safe return possible if we follow the plan of God for our salvation

a Great Plan of Happiness
(and salvation)

eternal happiness and glory

consequences for generation to come
and that came before

all have sinned
all come short of the glory of God
but!
repentance and forgiveness possible

yes, we are accountable

but!
we may claim the blessings and mercies of the Atonement

"the divine and eternal operative principle of repentence"

no, it's not repentence that saves us,
but the blood of the lamb

not what we do, no matter how sincere,
but Christ's mercy, grace, forgiveness

true repentence--what is it?
requires a strong (and correct) faith
trust in God
faith in Christ changes thoughts beliefs behaviors not in line with God's will

true repentance affects our life with the effects of the Atonement

the essence of the miracle of forgiveness is that it brings peace

God wipes away the tears of remorse, anguish, guilt, etc

wickedness never was happiness

nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy

let these things trouble you no more
only your sins
with that trouble that will bring you down into repentance

removed: burden of guilt for our sins

Holy Ghost will verify this to us
no other testimony of repentance can be greater

Come Unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy-laden

encircled in the arms of love

I the Lord remember no more
Ah, but we remember
Thus how can it be

key: Satan is a LIAR

Capiche?

after Alma forgiven, yes, he could remember his sins, but those memories troubled him no more

not that we should dwell on old sins

for will not God remember them no more?

extending forgiveness a precondition to receiving forgiveness

we need the moral courage to forgive and to ask forgiveness

including...forgiving ourselves.....

-----

Elder Russell M Nelson

last year while en route to stake conference, stopped at restaurant; leaving, an unkempt woman (28) called out to them

she spills the story of her sins

but as she spoke, the beauty of her soul gradually revealed

any way out?

yes
hope linked to repentence
you can change,
come unto Christ,
be perfected in him

the kingdom of God at hand, repent

ye must repent, be baptized, become as a little child

with restoration, doctrine restressed

I, God, suffered these things for all that they might not suffer if they would repent

but...

if they do not repent....

you know.....

able to deny themselves of all ungodliness

reinstitution of paid indulgences*

repentence necessary for spiritual growth

natural man an enemy to God till he gives in to the Spirit

ie, conversion

REPENTANCE IS CONVERSION

dead who repent will be redeemed though ordinances performed in the house of God

Earth will be smitten with a Curse without a Welding Link

Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam?!?!

Yes!

And you too!

And, also, he wants us to be welding blacksmiths

eternasmiths....

-----

President Gordon B. Hinckley

wonderful conference
rededicated Tabernacle
filled to capacity every session
words gone across the world
now we go home
oh wait
I am home
I don't need to drive
but yeah! drive carefully!
use the May Ensign for FHEs
yes!
each speaker's words represent prayerful attempts to inspire
so be better
may we have peace and harmony in homes
love, treasure LS
(check)
encourage me, wife!
he's right!
it's an old one, but still a chestnut!
I do need all the help I can get!

Good-bye.

Amen.

The end.

-----

previous svithetaculars
176.0
176.5

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last week's svithe

I love Google

.

And this is why.

To your left (volume two)

.

I've been delinquent on this project, but I can't let the whole week go by without an entry. So today: only one, the sole blogger confirmed in 2000, Silly Marie.


Silly Marie's Middle Drive

And here we meet the first blogger whose precise year of corporeality confirmation is uncertain. I mention it for her only, but she is not the only one. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

Silly is the wife of Brother Brass--my wife's brother. And we like her a lot. I mean, a lot a lot. Like, what the heck is she doing in Texas? That's a long ways away! She should come to California! And if she wanted to, she bring along that husband of hers as well.

She started blogging just over a year ago and it's been good times ever since. Of all the posts I've ever read from anyone, I probably think of this one the most. Although I'm still a little leary of that new background color. I don't think it will last past too many new baby diapers, to be frank.

But otherwise, all hail Celia, the Silly Marie.

Volume One, 1990 - 1999

On observing red rover red rover:

.

Theric! Say it ain't so!

.

I was at Ross the other day and, long story short, picked up this book and read it.

The book opens from either end; one side has Maleficent on the cover and tells the Sleeping Beauty story with her as narrator. The other side lets the princess tell her version of events.

Let's get the facts straight here and now:

YES. I did read a book branded "Disney Princess".

YES. I read the entire thing.

YES. I liked it.

YES. I laughed my silly little head off. I am not exaggerating when I said it slew me. The book was really funny, people. And for $2.99, I really should have bought it. Shoot.

The real questions have to do with the writer, Kiki Thorpe:

1) Why didn't she write all these My Side of the Story books?

2) What's with the career composed of nothing but crap for Disney and Nickelodeon (et al)? You have skills, Kiki! Do something all your own! Put that creative spunk to work on a project that will give you a better royalty deal!

Also: you don't happen to live in the East Bay, do you?

Love me, love my svithe Hate me, hate my svithe

.

Being a general optimist and having a high opinion of humanity in general, I sometimes forget that people hate me. People who hate Americans. People who hate whitie. People who hate Mormons. People who hate those who never get enough sleep.

These people necessarily hate me.

But I forget.

I just looked up "Mormon" on Google News; most of the articles were about that Romney fellow and many of those were about how some people just hate Mormons. What really gets me is good Christians who start frothing at the mention of Mormonism, but I'm not looking to pick a fight. Let 'em hate. Whatever.

The reason I was googling though was to find this article which recently ran in a local paper. The article's about how Mormon's are trying to be perceived differently--as less secretive for example.

It's a funny thing, being perceived as secretive, because we're really anything but. Those 60000 missionaries aren't out there making sure secrets get kept, after all.

Lady Steed recently told our neighbor what my forthcoming book is about (August! Start saving pennies now!), viz, Mormon kids at BYU. She said that she would be very interested in such a book because Mormons are so mysterious and secrety.

Oh.

Well I guess we do need to be less secretive then.

I'm not about to make any huge pronouncements or groundbreaking suggestions, but I do wonder what sort of line is between Seeming Secretive and Overwhelmingly Proselytory. It is one-dimensional? An inch wide? Six miles?

Don't know. But apparently I'm still to one side of it.




last week's svithe

To your left (volume one)

.

I'm starting a series of posts on the bloggers I am currently linked to. We'll pick up at the top and work our way down. So. Without further ado.


Myke's Toad Spit Chronicles

I met Myke in August 1990 shortly after moving to Tehachapi. He came up to me at church and asked if I liked football. I said not really. He said me neither. And so it began. Myke is referenced in the current version of my Official (so-called) Bio--and for good reason. He was one of the people I founded Antemoff Software with. Never heard of Antemoff? You're not alone, but that does not change the fact that the hundreds--perhaps thousands--of pages we cranked out developing stories for games preventing my creative life from stagnating during some pretty lousy high school years. And Antemoff did not die easy. As late as 1999 I was considering quitting school to make it happen.

Myke's blog, however, barely deserves the title. He has posted exactly once, and that a long time ago. If it were anyone else I would have yanked the link by now.

Start a real blog, bucko! The world needs you!

Lady Steed's After Happily Ever After

Lady Steed was not the first of the people listed under 1999 that I met. But she gets first billing because I married her. Best decision I've made. And that's not just well recycled rhetoric; it's true.

Myke and me's best high school teacher, Mr. Bill Richards, a confirmed bachelor of some years, told me that I had to get married. Had to. "I don't usually say that, Thteed, but you really need to get married."

Why?

Perhaps because I am a gross incompetent and would likely have either starved to death or gotten lost in the desert by now were it not for the guiding hands of one Lady Steed.

Not that that is all she is good for. Oh my no. Seven years of scintillating conversation, for instance. And more! more! more!

But I think that might be enough for today. We wouldn't want to, you know, embarrass anybody.

Nemesis's Voice of Reason

Nemesis was probably the first met of these three '99ers. In 2002 we would work together doing webdesign (pro bono) (which is to say, as part of a class assignment) for BYU's English Department. Oh, how we slaved! Only to have them scratch all our hard work a couple weeks later and hire professionals. The bastards.

Nem was one of the first two bloggers I linked to and everything I said about her then is still true. If I were suddenly approached by some house to edit a collection of Best Blog Posts, the book would certainly be Nem-heavy. If you haven't been to her blog before, the time to start is now.

Miss Hass's Happenings

Nem, Lady Steed and Miss Hass were all roommates back in 1999 when I first met them. So it should be no surprise that their place was among my favorite places in the entire world. Or that I overstayed my welcome on more than one occasion. For which I now apologize without quite meaning it.

This summer they (and the rest of them) are supposed to let me make up for their largess by coming to our place for a week. This reunion is looking less likely all the time, which is a shame, but hey! we'll always have Provo!

Right, Miss Hass?

more to come

.....test.....

.

asdasdasd

(test completed)

Sometimes things press

.

Today's important topic is global warming which, as I am sure you---

FIRE! FIREFIREFIRE!!!!!!! FIRE!!!

Sorry. Global warming which, as I am sure you know, has come to the forefr---

FFFIIIIIIIRRRRREEE!!!!!!! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

Excuse me.

Global warming, which has come to the forefront of public consciousness through the efforts of Alb---

FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

Albert Gore, who used to be---

FIRE! FFFIIIIIIRRREE!!!!!!!!!!! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

FIRE!

Vice-president but these days---

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRE!

Sigh.

Look, maybe we should just have this conversation some other---

FFFIIIIIIIIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

Do you remember that one time?

.

Because I wish you would tell me. I've been trying and trying and I just can't.

It's so frustrating!

Svithe: In brief

.

Starting with Psalm One verse one:

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

Links to:

Prov. 1: 10--My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.

Links to:

Isa. 59: 7--Their feet run to evil, and they make chaste to shed innocent blood: their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; wasting and destruction are in their paths.

Links to:

Hel. 12: 4--O how foolish, and how vain, and how evil, and devilish, and how quick to do iniquity, and how slow to do good, are the children of men; yea, how quick to hearken unto the words of the evil one, and to set their hearts upon the vain things of the world!

Links to:

Heb. 3: 12--Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God.

Okay....something cheerful, maybe?

That linked to:

Gen. 6: 5--And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

Hmm. Links to:

Gen. 8: 21--And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.

Yes! Okay! Let's stop there!


last week's svithe