Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Thing

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There I was, in Korea, a missionary--though that's not relevant to the problem at hand, which was melting soap.

Without a soap dish, it swiftly turned to goo and oozed down the walls of the shower.

With a soap dish, it swiftly turned to goo, making the dish a bowl of soap soup.

This was a problem. A problem in need of a solution.

Enter my costar whom I could call Dr.****v, but that is too similar to his real name. So I could call him S***************s, but that's his email address and is currently ungooglable and should remain that way. And I won't call him Th*******t because that is too close to my own name. So I think, for reasons I shan't be explaining today (because they're too astonishing not to get their own post someday), I will call him Ratman.

Elder Ratman and I frequently lamented the existence of a workable way to save our soap. When we weren't eating ice cream or drinking carrot juice, that is. Or, um, doing missionary work.

This was at the Boo, our mission offices. Our apartment (atop the offices atop the church building) had two showers side by side separated by an ~7'-high tiled wall and it was the goal of the other 4 to 8 missionaries living at the Boo (it varied) to shower before us, as we had something of a reputation for singing and chatting and just taking too bloody long.

But we never had a really worthy topic to sing or chat about until that auspicious day, there in a corner of our regular grocery store, we found Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things. Sweet. Nelly.

A Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things is shaped like a turtle. The shell removes so that soap may be placed inside, and the turtle's legs keep the draining holes high that the water may actually drain.

To whit, with the introduction of Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things, our soap no longer melted.

And thus we had to compose a song-----

RATMAN: Turtle Soap Soap Dish Con-tainer Thing!
THMAZING: Bum! Bum! Bum!
RATMAN: Keeps your soap from melting a-and everything!
THMAZING: Bum! Bum! Bum!

That was as far as we ever got, but that four-line song was sung every single day with deep and abiding feelings of love and respect for our Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things.

For our Turtle Soap Soap Dish Container Things saved our soap.

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Ratman returned to Korea not long after I came home and he did me the kindness of sending me the new JuJu Club and Seo Taiji albums. This is the mark of a true friend.

Ratman also assisted Myke and me in certain scientific endeavors which we are prevented from discussing by executive order.

Ratman also tells the best jokes about paintchips. EVER.

Ratman makes excellent and artistic use of airplane vomit bags.

Ratman has vast experience in cutting up animals.

Ratman is freaking awesome.

One of the reasons I am finally finishing this post today (I started it ages ago) is because Ratman has recently been uncovered lurking at Thmusings. And Ratman is one of the most gloriously offkilter human beings Earth has produced and he SHOULD be gracing the world with his genius rather than hiding it under a bushel.

You heard me.

Start a blog.

Even one post a month would be something.

Ratman?

Ratman?

Ratman?

note: for a long, long time now, I've been meaning to start a series of posts that are open letters to dear friends who I wish would blog; though not quite in that form, it may be fair to include this as the first in that series