Giving in to my sudden need for instafiction


Good gravy, man. What are you doing with that dog?

What did we say about saying good gravy.

I only said it was charming and made me sound British.

No. We said it made you sound like an idiot.

J----- turned back to the puppy who was falling over his oversized feet in hopes of getting his attention. It was horrible, J----- felt, what he was about to do to this dog. And the dog seemed determined to make him feel the full measure of guilt.

So what are you doing, anyway.

I'm testing the explosive you built for me.

On a dog?

Why not a dog? This certainly counts as neutering.

Generally neutering doesn't involved utter destruction.

Well do you have a better suggestion? My kids had a dog. Squirrels are hard to catch. People strike even me as unethical.

But your goal---

Yes, but for practice? Unethical.

Ch-----frowned. Working with these types always left him feeling dirty. He watched as J----- rubbed the powder into the puppy's fur then poured the detonator onto the linoleum.

Ah man, not in my kitchen.

You said surfaces should be unscathed.

Should be. This isn't the most precise method you're using here.

J----- shrugged and pulled a bag of jerky from his back pocket. He tore the top off and pulled out a length of meat. He waved it over the puppy whose hips collapsed from too much wriggly anticipation, the tail whipping back and forth too fast to follow with the eye. Then he tossed the jerky under the table and the puppy took off after it, immediately passing though the detonator. A puff of white smoke and horrible howl.

Geez, J-----! My neighbors are going to hear that.

J----- just watched as the white smoke turned to gray to black until a pile of smoldering bones and ash lay in the puddle. He walked over to the sink and grabbed Ch-----'s sponge mop. He pushed the remains and no mark was left on the linoleum.

Amazing. You're really outdone yourself.

I don't know why you can't just trust me.

J----- snorted.

Okay, okay.

I'll need the full order by Friday?

Friday? You said June!

Can you do Friday?

I'll need some motivation.


I guess that'll do.

See you then.

Aren't you going to clean up the mess?

But the screen door was already swinging shut.

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