Spencer W Kimball helped with this very Mormon svithe

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I know that grammar is proof of intelligence....

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Testimony meetings are some of the best meetings in the [Church] in the whole month, if you have the spirit. If you are bored at a testimony meeting, there is something the matter with you, and not the other people. You can get up and bear your testimony and you think it is the best meeting in the month; but if you sit there and count the grammatical errors and laugh at the man who can’t speak very well, you’ll be bored . . . .

Boredom is an inborn state. Boredom is a reflection only of the person being bored. Don't you find it so? I'm never bored. Never. Not that boring people are bad!

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And I really think it's good to, um, be nice to people?

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“I know it is true.” Because those few words have been said a billion times by millions of people does not make it trite. It will never be worn out. I feel sorry for people who try to couch it in other words, because there are no words like “I know.” There are no words which express the deep feelings which can come from the human heart like “I know.”

It's a brave thing to claim knowledge. I'm iffy about claiming to know who the second president of the United States was. I think I know. I'm pretty sure, in fact. I would be really surprised if I was wrong. But what if I am wrong? What then? What is the worth of my soul then?

I think I know exactly how you [feel], for I went through the same experience in my mission. I wanted to be very honest with myself and with the program and with the Lord. For a time I couched my words carefully to try to build up others without actually committing myself to a positive, unequivocal statement that I knew. I felt a little hesitant about it, too, for when I was in tune and doing my duty I felt the Spirit. I really wanted to say that which I really felt, that I knew, but I was reticent. When I approached a positive declaration, it frightened me and yet when I was wholly in tune and spiritually inspired, I wanted to testify. I thought I was being honest, very honest, but then I decided that I was fooling myself . . . . While you were in the Spirit . . . you felt it deeply, but after you were 'out of the Spirit' and began to reason with yourself and check yourself and question yourself, you wanted to back out . . . . I have no question in my mind of your testimony. I am sure that you (like I did) have countless golden threads of testimony all through your being only waiting for the hand of the Master Weaver to assemble and weave them into a tapestry of exquisite and perfect design.

Yeah, it seems like testimony fluctuates according to how well and how often I express it. It never dies, exactly, but--

[A testimony] is a little like a rose. Just keep the rain off it; just keep the irrigation water off it for a little while and what happens to your rose? It dies. Your testimony dies. Your love dies. Everything has to be fed. You feed your body three times a day. The Lord says to keep your testimony, to keep your spirit alive, you have to feed it every day . . . .

That reminds me of something President Lee said.

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I know my wife is totally hot

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A testimony is not an exhortation; a testimony is not a sermon (none of you are there to exhort the rest); it is not a travelogue. You are there to bear your own witness. It is amazing what you can say in 60 seconds by way of testimony, or 120, or 240, or whatever time you are given, if you confine yourselves to testimony. We’d like to know how you feel.

But there's nothing to that! There's no artistry! There's not room for surprise!

Some of our good people get so terrified at triteness that they try to steer around and away from their testimonies by getting out on the fringes. Don’t you ever worry about triteness in testimony. When the President of the Church bears his testimony, he says, "I know that Joseph Smith was called of God, a divine representative. I know that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God." You see, the same thing every one of you says. That is a testimony. It never gets old, never gets old! Tell the Lord frequently how much you love him.

But there's nothing to that! What good does duh do anyone? I can do better than that!

You know this testimony is a tremendous thing, a most important thing. Any minister or priest can quote scripture and present dialogues. But not every priest or minister can bear his testimony. Don't you sit there in your fast meeting and cheat yourself and say, "I guess I won’t bear my testimony today. I guess that wouldn’t be fair to these other members because I have had so many opportunities." You bear your testimony. And one minute is long enough to bear it.

Really?

Every month the First Presidency and the Twelve meet with all the General Authorities in the temple. They bear testimony and they tell each other how they love one another just like all of you. Why do the General Authorities need a testimony meeting? The same reason that you need a testimony meeting. Do you think that you can go three, and six, and nine, and twelve months without bearing your testimony and still keep its full value?

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I thank thee oh God that I have a testimony and am all set, good to go

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The Lord says in the 60th section of the Doctrine and Covenants, “With some I am not well pleased for they will not open their mouths” (D&C 60:2). What does he mean? He says that if they do not use it, they will lose what he has given them. They lose their spirit. They lose their testimony. And this priceless thing that you have can slip right out of your life.

I wouldn't let that happen--

Don’t forget it! You have to fight for a testimony. You have to keep fighting!

But I'm a lover, not a fighter. Haha!

What are you going to do with your testimony? Are you going to keep it sharpened like the knife with which our mothers cut the meat? Are you going to let it get dull and rusty?

Um....

You have a testimony! It needs building and lifting and enlarging, of course; and that is what you are doing. Every time you bear your testimony it becomes strengthened.

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So.... I know that Jesus loves me and that if we follow the teachings of the Bible and the Book of Mormon and President Hinckley, we will have the Holy Ghost with us and we'll be able to take full advantage of the Atonement and if all you schmucks out there----

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Just tell how you feel inside. That is the testimony. The moment you begin preaching to others, your testimony ended. Just tell us how you feel . . . .

I feel good.

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