If no news is good news....

.

Then have I got some good news for you!

Behold:

No news.

I have no new news.

None.

None whatsoever.

I really hate to disappoint, but what can I do?

I have no new news!

Forgive me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But--

On the bright side:

At least the news is good!

So you have that.

Don't lose it.