A dozen rhetorical questions


1. Why wouldn't birds suddenly appear everytime you are near?

2. In that case, would you say you love me for a billion dollars?

3. Are you going to add Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation to your Amazon Wish List?

4. Speaking of, what do you think of Thamazon.com, for after the corporate takeover?

5. Don't you mean life liberty and the pursuit of sweet Alaskan oil?

6. What the heckety heck heck heck?

7. Well which would you prefer--killing babies or a black & tan with extra caramel sauce?

8. My way or the mafia way?

9. Is there anything hotter than a chick bass player?

10. How about seventeen baguettes?

11. Would you like to lick my dog's eyeballs?

12. I'm sorry, were you shooting at me?

13. C'mon baby, don't tell me you wouldn't like one night with the Scallion Stallion, king of the wharves?

14. Um ... this monkey?

I hereby declare a blogger's dozen to be 14. *


  1. .

    * I apologize to those of you who, upon reading that last sentence, were enraged because that joke is recycled and repackaged from my book. Believe me, it kills me, but I just wanted to so I did. Is that so bad? I mean really?

    (Should we make it 16? Er, 17? Er....)

  2. ALWAYS the black & tan with extra caramel sauce. Only the more recent Leatherby's concoctions are just...icky!

  3. 1. Because you are not John Woo.
    2. Not a chance.
    3. Yes. and I love her accent.
    4. Thounds Thpectacular.
    5. I mean life, liberty and the gub'mint taking away all our property rights.
    6. It's the Utah way.
    7. Oh, I don't know. Whose babies?
    8. The Mafia way.
    9. Yes, a chick surfer with one arm.
    10. No, thank you. Bagguettes don't keep very well overnight, and I don't think I could eat 17.
    11. No, I'd prefer five pounds of fat.
    12. No, I was shooting at your shirt.
    13. ?? I don't like royalty.
    14. No, the one cowering in fear behind the rabbits.

    For answers to more great questions, check askstupid.blogspot.com

  4. .

    Love the Stupid!

    (and miss hass too of course)

  5. Done! I shall demand 14 donuts next time I order a dozen! I love the blogworld. I plan to live here forever and ever and ever...