Thvlog V: Making duck noises with my mouth

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Theric and the Deathly Svithe

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No, no one has died recently, thank you, and I haven't even really been dwelling on such things, but heck, I haven't posted on death in over a week and not in a svithey way in even longer, so I figured it was time.

I learned in my college-freshman course in physical science (taken as a senior, incidentally) that we measure and prove time through entropy: things breaking down. And that, therefore, when there shall be time no longer, we may assume that entropy has been halted.

This makes sense. Resurrected bodies do not die; resurrected worlds do not end.

And so the death of friends becomes nothing more than a memory.

(Although, given the lack of entropy, a memory that never fades. But maybe the whole Death Thing will just seem amusing from the perspective of six eternities later. How can I say?)

Anyway. That's a little svithe on dying for you.

Go forth and die no more.

Than the one time, I mean.





last week's svithe

Frzday

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Zt's Frzday and all the kzds are ready to party!

Zt's Frzday and all the squares are anxzous to kzck off thezr wzngtzps and go danczng.

Zt's Frzday and the deer and quazl are abandonzng the campgrounds and headzng for the hzlls.

Zt's Frzday and the Clown Assoczatzon zs outszde czrcus management pzcketzng.

Agazn.

Dang it! I can't believe we totally missed this!

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To your left (volume seven)

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So we invited Petra over for dinner tonight, as part of her conversion to the Cult of Northern California, and she was--you'll all be glad to hear--very polite and becoming.

Whew.

Anyway, we confirmed her corporeality and fed her Mutant Tomato Pizza. Which was GOOD, dagnabit, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Also: she proved herself to be a person of exquisite taste and discrimination by borrowing a bunch of our books. That's a sure way to get on our good side. Unless you leave them in the bathroom and they sustain serious water damage.

Twice.

I'm looking at you, Nemesis.

....bleeding librarians....

Anyway, we trust Petra will prove to be much more responsible than that.

And she was an excellent, if belated, start to our 2007 corporeality-confirmation schedule.

Who else do you know that spends her spare time judging Indonesian transvestite contests?

Scary!

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Check out our tomato.

Check, check, check (61-80)

today's episode of check check check
is dedicated to alfred hitchcock
who shows up a lot on this list
and rightly so
and who would no doubt still be making movies today
on his 108th birthday
if he wasn't
you know
dead

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61. "Sullivan's Travels," 1941.

I'm so happy to see Preston Sturges represented on this list. No moe shutouts, Mr Sturges!

And this is even my favorite of his movies!

Or would be, I'm pretty sure, if I'd ever seen any of them.

But I'm still pretty sure I'm an awfully big fan....

62. "American Graffiti," 1973.

This is a good movie. But like a lot of movies in the next twenty, I'm surprised to see it on this best-hundred list all the same.

63. "Cabaret," 1972.

Yes, I liked Liza Minnelli in Arrested Development. But that only made me more loathe to see her done up sexy.

64. "Network," 1976.

Sheesh: I;m already mad as hell--why would I want to watch this movie?

And yet....

I do....

65. "The African Queen," 1951.

Bogie and Katie Hepburn jousting on a boat. I;m unsure why we've never watched this....

66. "Raiders of the Lost Ark," 1981.

Scared me as a kid. Still haven't quite forgiven it. Maybe that's why Lady Steed still hasn't watched the copy I bought her a year or so ago

67. "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?", 1966.

Me. I don't want Liz Taylor shouting at me. Not at all. And I think I'ld like my first experience with Albee to be on the stage.

68. "Unforgiven," 1992.

I'm not a huge cowboy-movie kind of guy, but this one's definitely on my list.

69. "Tootsie," 1982.

Another good-enough movie whose top-100 status I find questionable.

Although it's is a zillion times better than crappy ole Mrs. Doubtfire.

70. "A Clockwork Orange," 1971.

I don't care how many people warn me against it: I still really want to see this movie.

Just maybe not the eyeball part.

71. "Saving Private Ryan," 1998.

Hhhhhh.

War movies.

Isn't there ugly enough already?

I don't mean to knock the worth of war movies, but today, now, this year, they're just not for me.

72. "The Shawshank Redemption," 1994.

I've never seen this except on tv, so I don't know what I'm missing, but what I've seen is terrific.

But how could it not be, when starrin Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman?

73. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," 1969.

Not since I was a kid. High on my list of mustrewatches.

74. "The Silence of the Lambs," 1991.

Like Shawshank, never seen this except on tv. But it's awesome.

75. "In the Heat of the Night," 1967.

Someday. I've heard too much compelling stuff to put it off forever.

76. "Forrest Gump," 1994.

Why do people like this movie? I saw it in theaters because it was all the rage, and when I walked out half-a-day later, it was like I had not even seen a movie.

When you see a good movie or a bad movie or fun movie or a hilarious movie or an exciting movie or an embarrassing movie or a lousy movie, you leave at least knowing you have seen a movie. Seeing Forrest Gump was like having 2½ hours of my life just suddenly lost to me. It was like not having seen a movie at all.

Several years later it was on tv and I tried to give it a second chance.

No dice.

It's the most absent work of art ever made.

Suck on that, Zemeckis!

77. "All the President's Men," 1976.

Ummmm. Which all the X's men is this again?

78. "Modern Times," 1936.

Haven't seen this one, but I just read that in it, "Chaplin has two wrenches and he's chasing after a woman with nuts on her nipples".

!!!!!

79. "The Wild Bunch," 1969.

Another cowboy movie, yes?

I'll add it to the list.

80. "The Apartment, 1960.

Prety good. I always like Shirley MacLaine. And Jack Lemmon too (with one notable exception). But I like my comedies funny. And this one ain't.

Add it to the good-enough-but-what-the-heck-s-it-doing-here list.

In Memoriam J.E.F. a svithe

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I remember: I had just graduated from high school about a year previous and Gordon B. Hinckley became the new president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As counselors he chose Thomas S. Monson and some guy I had never heard of before, one James E. Faust.

This was an eye-opener for me, that there could be an apostle whose name I did not even recognize. I mean--I watched General Conference. I read The New Era--or at least the comics--how did I miss a guy who had been one of the Twelve for over thirty years? My personal opinion of myself as a with-it young Mormon took a hit.

So President Faust became a guy I took particular interest in.

Just because he died I'm not going to lie and say he gave some of my favorite talks--honestly, he was never one of my favorite speakers. And it's true I'm biased towards better writers, but President Faust has soul. And the last few years as he has stood to speak--so visibly enfeebled--I have been touched by the greatness of his heart.

Nowhere in scripture does it say blessed are the more talented wordsmiths. Nowhere does it say the clever scribes are more likely to convert.

And really--it was probably just a matter of taste--the man was brilliant, ask anyone who knew him. And his professional life was marked by good deeds. And what's more important, leaving the world a better place or impressing Theric with your prosy?

Now I just need to convince myself of that fact....

Anyway, President Faust, congratulations on your graduation. We'll be thinking of you.

Love,
Theric

ps: I'll be trying to go me and do likewise






last week's svithe

Thvlog IIII: Happy birthday; time to die

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So I had a birthday. An ever-notable marker on the path towards death. And, well, I know how I'll die. And it's the same way Über S will die. So we made a video together.





(clever grad student-types may want to note that in this video i used the black bars for a completely different effect than the way i normally use them here on thmusings; how about them cheese logs, clever grad student-types?)




Buy the shirt!

AAAAAARRRRGH: A Dilemma

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I have never been in this situation before. Two schools want me to teach for them. Both are ideal positions, but ideal for different reasons. Both jobs have but few minor drawbacks. I'm torn. I have no idea which one to choose. I have until tomorrow.

I'm nostalgic for the days when it was take the burger flipping job or have no job at all --- and that was it.

I can't remember ever being this stressed over a decision.

Look: this is me shuddering: -~-~-~_~__~-`-`-`-`-`-`_-`-~_`_~__~-`-~--~-~_-~-~-~

Check, check, check (41-60)

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41. "King Kong," 1933.

I was surprised when I saw Peter Jackson's version to realize that I didn't know big chunks of the story and, therefore, must never have actually seen the original film. This was appalling, and so earlier this year I fixed that--and in the best fashion: sitting in front of a big screen. And although Jackson's take appeals more to my modern tastes, I liked the '33 version too. And, for the record, Fay Wray is gorgeous and those dresses should be illegal.

42. "Bonnie and Clyde," 1967.

I want to see this--I like it when married couples going around killing people. It's totally my thing.

43. "Midnight Cowboy," 1969.

I know, I know:
Dustin Hoffman

Jon Voigt

only X-rated movie to win best picture
So why haven't I seen it?

I guess I just can't get over the fact that Dustin Hoffman's character is named after a Muppet.

44. "The Philadelphia Story," 1940.

Jimmy Stewart. Cary Grant. Kate Hepburn. This movie should be awesome, but when we watched our copy, I was pretty underwhelmed. I wanted funnier. And, well, the circumstances in which we watched it weren't ideal.

So the next time we see it, I'll know better what to expect and I'll get more out of it.

Lady Steed saw it as a play with Miss Nemesis and they thought it was hilarious.

I look forward to that.

45. "Shane," 1953.

I have never seen any Alan Ladd movie. Not even Shane.

Man, I suck.

46. "It Happened One Night," 1934.

Classic Capra screwball and although it's a nice flick (and allegedly killed the undershirt industry), it's by no means the greatest of the screwballs. I've never been quite sure why it always shows up so high on these lists. I mean--it's a good movie, but #46 of all time? I like Tad Hamilton better!

47. "A Streetcar Named Desire," 1951.

This is another movie with a great reputation that all anyone can tell me about it is that Marlon Brando is hot and sweaty in it.

Stella, indeed.

48. "Rear Window," 1954.

It's a shame we only have this movie on VHS, because even though it's not one of my top Hitchcock faves, I like talking about this one a lot. For instance, those of you who've seen this movie--I bet you think Raymond Burr killed his wife, don't you? Well, I say he didn't. Think I'm wrong? Prove it.

49. "Intolerance," 1916.

This wasn't on the list ten years ago, and I know nothing about this movie.

I feel . . . . . . . . ignorant.

And I don't like it.

50. "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring," 2001.

Okay, I love this movie, but it's my Snow White complaint all over again: the first movie of a set is voted onto this list not necessarily because it is the best of the set, but because it is the first of the set. Drives me nuts.

Anyway, seen it several times, loved it each, own the theatrical release and so should you.

Unless you own the extended edition. Because that's awesome too. And the special features are the best. I love them. I would marry them, except....

(Just kidding!)

51. "West Side Story," 1961.

I've never seen this and I thought I would find it annoying, but I listened to the overture on a classical station once and loved it. So I guess I shouldn't think that anymore.

52. "Taxi Driver," 1976.

Child prostitution is awesome, of course, so I guess I'll have to check this out someday. In the meantime, I'll remember Jodie Foster in this and this, instead, thank you very much.

53. "The Deer Hunter," 1978.

Oh boy. Another sad Vietnam movie. Sign me up.

54. "M*A*S*H," 1970.

I do want to see this one.

It's the Korean War.

It's totally different.

55. "North by Northwest," 1959.

Probably Hitch's straightest action flick and a fun ride. But again, probably not as good as people make it out to be. Wonderful to watch, but he made better.

Not with Cary Grant though.

56. "Jaws," 1975.

Haven't seen it since I was a kid, but I just read something Hitchcock said after seeing this film ("He['young Spielberg']'s the first one of us who doesn't see the proscenium arch.") that totally makes me ready to leave my fears behind and check it out again.

57. "Rocky," 1976.

Nuther boxing movie.

Nuff said.

58. "The Gold Rush," 1925.

I've only seen parts of this one, but those parts were good.

Go, Charlie!

59. "Nashville," 1975.

I don't know much about this particular Altman film. Unless I learn something really fantastic all of a sudden, M*A*S*H and A Prairie Home Companion will remain well in front of it on my to-see list.

60. "Duck Soup," 1933.

Man, the Marx Brothers are AWESOME. And if you're looking for a place to start, this is as good as any. Or, you can just do what I did and get this and this and never look back.

Today in Primary.....(svithe material)

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....was the Big O's first chance to give the scripture and prayer in Primary, so we've been practicing all week and he's been getting pretty good at it. Then it came time to stand in front of all the other kids and I went with him, then the shyness hit and his ear stuck to his shoulder and he fell face-first into my chest and nearly knocked me over and that was pretty much that.

For those of you wondering what it was he was trying to say, this was it:

For, behold, the Comforter knoweth all things, and beareth record of the Father and of the Son.

When we got home, we tried it again and it turned out much better:





last week's svithe

Only a couple hours till Coast Guard Day

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Have you decided what you're getting me?

Auschwitz Cantaloupe

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Kids say the most perplexing things.....

All Work and No Play

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It's a little known fact that in my spare time I do some freelance magazine illustration. Dr. M. A. Malien is starting a breastfeeding column for one of those ubiquitous new-parent magazines and I was offered the job of illustration. Then they decided to go with well lit but generic photographs of pretty babies with pretty mommies lounging on brightly colored furniture and I got a kill fee in the mail.

Anyway, I had already done all the work on the first three months' columns, and while I lack the medical school credentials, perhaps if you, like Lady Steed, are a nursing mother known to complain that your “b**bs” hurt, maybe there will be something in it for you.

Dr. Malien's main thesis, however, I have already given the observant. Did you catch it?

(roll over for captions)

sources of scrap

the George Booth illustrations
the album cover
all other images

Generational shift

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When I was a little boy in Montpelier, Idaho, the friend I probably played with the most was redheaded Jeremy Peterson who was my same age and lived directly across the street.

We had many good time together, Jeremy and me, but there was one striking difference that grew only more striking as we aged: Only one of us was a sports guy.

So Jeremy would come home from Little League practice (he was brought up from Pee-Wee early; I abandoned Pee Wee early) and would want to teach me fielding skills.

"Grab it like it's a bag of candy!" he would shout. "Throw it away like it's a bomb!"

I had a hard time getting into it. I missed being cowboys and shooting our cap guns.

Anyway, the years pass--twenty-plus--and I become a father with a preternaturally talented sports guy for a first child.

Right
now his thing is baseball, but he also shows the knack for football,
hockey, basketball, soccer and golf*. And today he got to go visit the Dude and he insisted
on bringing his bat and ball.

But here's the thing: the Dude doesn't get the whole it's-candy-/-it's-a-bomb thing. So I feel for him. His friend's coming over and all the guy wants to do is play baseball.

Why don't we play trains anymore???

Ah, those halcyon days of choochoos....



I hope they're having a good time.

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S'vithe

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Today we blessed the Large S in sacrament meeting and it reminded me of one of the most beautiful descriptions of what it means to be Mormon. I thought today I would simply pass it along. Margaret Young is a highly regarded LDS writer and after the PBS special, people were interested, so she wrote.

And people were interested! I've been surprised how many people watch PBS.

Anyway, here is her reply. I thought it really nailed the LDS experience in a lovely way.

If you can nail things in a lovely way....

----th.



last week's svithe

To your left (volume six)

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Cicada

Cicada was the first blogger I had never met (but who had boucoup online social capital) to laugh at my jokes and link to me. Ergo, I owe her my fealty. Don't tell her though because her needs are totally out of my league. Hoo!

editorgirl

I don't know if I should say anything at all about editorgirl because I like her too much to say only a little and I don't want to obligate her to read a lot and, well, she should really be working on her thesis.

Ambrosia Ananananananas

Brozy gave me a book. Brozy gave me a book. Brozy gave me a book.

I love love love Brozy!

I first met her at her apartment where she had cake and strawberries. This is also where I met editorgirl, incidentally, and a couple other people coming up ahead in this volume including

Bawb

who is so smart I get scared sometimes. Thank goodness he married someone not scary in Brozy. Not that she's not smart, but she's not scary. These things are not, contrary to popular believe, mutually inclusive.

J "don't call her jessica" B

was also at that party with her hubby Lunk, who blogs at the same link.

They, like us, now live near the Bay and we've gone for ice cream together. And this time--bonus!--they didn't totally make out in front of us.

Love you guys!

Daltongirl

Daltongirl is who I want to be when my kids are hers ages. Only she's a girl.

Or actually, you know what I really want? Her husband's hair. It's what I've wanted since high school, but mine is stubbornly colored. It probably won't change until Lady Steed's freaked out about me getting old and she'll make me dye it.

I'm going pink.

Edgy

It's startling to me, given how long we've known each other and through so many different venues of knowing, that I have actually only met Edgy once--at a Fobbian Blog Party. Unbelievable! He outreads me, is a renowned editor, and knows the alphabet.

I am ashamed.

Thirdmango

I'm not cool enough for Firstmango or Secondmango. So I'm awful happy that the man with the hair likes me.

Kirsa

Wait. Kirsa changed her name. I just remembered.

Shoot.

I gotta fix that.

And then assign her a brandnew personality.

Asmond

has
met Chuck Norris.

made me laugh.

sat on the floor for long periods of time.

prayed for my burning soul.

been absurdly cool and fun to hang with.

stubbornly insisted on being one of the scads and scads of people on this list who refuses to move to the Bay Area and eat ice cream with me.

The Franchise

All he cares about is winning Settlers of Catan. And you can tell him I said so.

Absent

Need a reason to party? Absent can give it to you. That seems like recommendation enough.

Nocturne

She's marrying Yarjka. Neither of them are posting. Draw your own conclusions.

The Gundos

They're in Hawaii right now.

Again.

They are ALWAYS in Hawaii.

Pretty much everyone I know is jealous.

Thank goodness we're all good Christians.

Stupidramblings

Stupid is consistently hilarious. What he's not consistently is posting and he had danged well better feel guilty about it because it makes me sad.

You're making me sad, Stupid!

On the bright side, Stupid bought the Thteeds barbeque once. That was awesome. Awesome is the opposite of sad.

So I guess if you won't post any more frequently, Stupid, you should buy us more food. That's always acceptable.

Also: Love the First Mate's room. Still.

Volume One, 1990 - 1999
Volume Two, 2000 - 2000
Volume Three, 2002
Volume Four, 2003 - 2004
Volume Five, 2005

Check it out! I finally finished off Voldemort!

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Check, check, check (21-40)

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(....continuing on the AFI's new 100 greatest american movies list....)

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21. "Chinatown," 1974.

I read a great book about Hollywood and the movies a couple years ago and Chinatown was a movie the author dwelt on quite a bit. So I'm totally excited to someday maybe getting around to watching it. Totally.

22. "Some Like It Hot," 1959.

No one is going to deny this movie is entertaining, but I don't understand the love people throw at it. What's the deal? It's a couple guys in drag! And Marilyn in a really hot dress! This is Great Art?!?!?!

Cool.

23. "The Grapes of Wrath," 1940.

Um, I've driven by the Keene Ranch many times. And yeah, the history here affects my home county pretty heavily. But no, I just don't care. I don't know if I ever will.

24. "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial," 1982.

Am I the only person of my generation who thinks this movie is totally overrated and not worth my time?

25. "To Kill a Mockingbird," 1962.

A good movie, certainly. Haven't seen it in years, but would not mind seeing it again.

26. "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," 1939.

Claude Rains rocked Casablanca and he rocks this movie as well. Jimmy Stewart rocked Vertigo and It's a Wonderful Life and he rocks this movie as well. This is the American Dream--not in a monetary sense, but in a Raise Hell in the Bureaucracy sense, which is every bit as powerful a dream.

27. "High Noon," 1952.

Holy smokes, have you seen this movie??? It is awesome. Gary Cooper can kick your dad's trash! And not only that, but he's so...quiet. noble. good. Not many heroes like him.

28. "All About Eve," 1950.

This movie deserves all the love it gets and more. If you haven't seen that girl sneak into Bette Davis's life, you cannot imagine how awful life can get. This is one of the few movies I am absolutely opposed to remaking, no matter that the story is excellent and a new generation should see it. You cannot remake perfection. Not even for boucoup box office.

29. "Double Indemnity," 1944.

You know this movie, right? Well, you should--it does mention Tehachapi after all. If you ever get tired of Barbara Stanwyck being nice (if such a thing is possible), check out her evil side. And if you only know Fred MacMurray from his flying-cars days, check out his noir side. This is dark and dirty and the sort of evil it's nice to come home to.

30. "Apocalypse Now," 1979.

Haven't seen it. Really want to, but I still haven't really forgiven Joseph Conrad for the things he did to me in high school. You understand.

31. "The Maltese Falcon," 1941.

The book was good, but I'm much more desperate to see the movie.

32. "The Godfather Part II," 1974.

Like the Godfather, I got it....I just haven't, you know, bothered to watch it yet. Don't ask me why. I don't have an excuse. Please don't kill me. Or my horse.

33. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," 1975.

Good movie. Jack's great. The nurse is evil. Billy is heartbreaking. The ending is horrible.

34. "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," 1937.

You're about to read me make a point I'll be making again on this list, which is this: This movie does not belong on this list and was not put here because of its own merits. This movie appears on this list where it does as a representation of the entire art of animation. And that is offensive. As if animation does not deserve to compete fairly with these other films instead of being corralled up, the represented by a single film! It's ridiculous!

Anyway, Snow White isn't even that great. It's just the first that ever there was and it was a huge blockbuster in its day. Arguably more tickets sold to see Snow White on its initial run than any other movie ever (possibly excepting Birth Of A Nation (off the new list--no doubt due to its blatant racism) and Gone with the Wind). So yes: it's a wildly important flick.

But it's really not that great.

And the reason it's here really ticks me off.

35. "Annie Hall," 1977.

Ah, Woody Allen. My man! I love this movie, buddy. I don't know if it's my personal favorite, but I do love it and it is probably your best. Glad to see it on the list.

36. "The Bridge on the River Kwai," 1957.

I'm just not that into POW movies. So even though Alec Guinness is in this movie, I probably will never see it. I just can't imagine he'll be all that hilarious in a POW movie. Aren't they usually downers?

37. "The Best Years of Our Lives," 1946.

I don't know anything about this movie other than Myrna Loy is in it. Ergo it is the greatest movie ever made.

38. "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," 1948.

I have no idea why I have not seen this movie yet. I've been desperate to for years.

39. "Dr. Strangelove," 1964.

I saw this movie in high school and the only part I really liked was when Keenan Wynn shot the Coke machine (serves 'em right). I didn't find Peter Sellers funny in any of his roles. Knew too much about the plot coming into it. Was a teenager.

People I respect say I should try it again now. That I'll probably like it.

They're probably right.

40. "The Sound of Music," 1965.

Watched it every year as a kid and always liked it. But that's a lot of watches and I just can't feel anxious to see it again. Not yet. Not yet....