The Doodle Family: Basic DNA

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Every September in the Berkeley Ward, we hold a New Member Dinner / Men's Cookoff. The cookoff is a surprisingly intense competition and all the families who've moved in during the last twelvemonth make a poster about themselves to help us get to know them.

This year I entered the dessert competition with the Doodle Family.

Today I'll share with you basic Doodle genetics and through the rest of the week I'll introduce you to the four Doodle brothers, using the same basic materials I used in making a fake new-family poster to advertise the goods.

I used this recipe for Mrs. Sigg's from allrecipes.com because it had over 2500 ratings averaging nearly five and over 30,000 had saved the recipe. These looked like good signs. Also, interesting fact, this is the first time I've used shortening in my entire adult life.

The recipe [my alterations]:

1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups white sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract [but splosh in more than this to the sound of about another t]
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt

Step one: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
[Actually, given our oven, I set it at 350.]

Step two: Cream together butter, shortening, cups sugar, the eggs and the vanilla.

Step three: Blend together the flour, cream of tartar, soda and salt; then add to the creamed stuff.

[Step four: Fridgerate it for a few days, tempting wife and children.]

Step five: Shape dough into [little] balls.

[Step six: (see the individual brothers)]

Step seven: Bake [6] minutes.

Come back tomorrow to meet the most famous of the Doodle brothers, Snicker!

Coming Soon!
Doodle Family DNA
Snicker Doodle
Skorcher Doodle
Porker Doodle
Pucker Doodle

Coming Soon to Thutopia: The Doodle Family!

Coming Soon!
Doodle Family DNA
Snicker Doodle
Skorcher Doodle
Porker Doodle
Pucker Doodle

Holy guacamole! Have you seen the fiction in the new issue of Irreantum?

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I think sometimes people don't believe me when I say that Irreantum is one of my two favorite literary rags; I can understand this --- after all, I'm a big booster of Mormon letters so it makes sense that I would want people to engage either way. But I'm not lying. Irreantum is, to the best of my knowledge, one of the two best literary journals going (I'm only talking about fiction here, by the way; other forms are necessarily secondary in my mind) (and the other of the two, incidentally, is One Story) (though it's been slipping lately and Irreantum, as we shall see, is getting better).

Three stories in this issue. Let's talk about them in pager order, which also happens to be the ascending order of excellence.

A Confession by Lisa Madsen Rubilar

Although my weariness for rural Utah fiction remains officially in place, two stories this issue made me forgiven them that sin, this being the first. A man, nearing death, commits to paper a defining series of events earlier in his life, in which a man he loved stole irrigation water from him and in which he saw an angel. I'll admit that part of the reason I originally conceived of an angel story myself was because of discussions (one example) that challenged me to do so. Because angel stories often suck. But this one did not. It was complex and uncertain and the main character never quite knew what the angel's appearance meant. Which makes angels like real life. Which means angels can be part of real life. Which is part of the Mormon challenge.

When We Remembered Zion by Thom Duncan

Like angel stories, Second Coming stories can, as a general rule, be assumed to suck. And while Duncan's story could be accused of sidestepping some of the most challenging tropes of the genre (Where, for instance, is Jesus?), he doesn't make any missteps when it comes to the story he is trying to tell. We're back in rural Utah, this time postapocalypse. A small band of Saints is alone and abandoned by the rest of the world (though that may be all for the better, given the violence of the past) when the hierarchy starts breaking down. A barely pubescent boy and girl fall in love while their mothers experience something called the Vision. The story dips into magic realism in subtle and appropriate ways and left me with a feeling of dizzy delight. One recommendation, when you get to the final page, be sure to cover the last line with your hand to keep from accidentally reading it before arriving there. Because as charmed as I was with the story, I was absolutely left weak by the utterly perfect last line. Don't miss it.

The Man and His Wife by Lon Young

This is Young's first published fiction and a couple moments of awkwardness in handling the diary entries and the movie memories are in play. But ultimately, those minor slips do not register because the story is absolutely astonishing --- one of my favorites in recent memory. Rarely have I seen such blatant symbolism handled with such subtlety and simplicity. Young clearly trusts his readers. Plus, it was nice to see nudity used as a positive symbol for a change. Hoo. I can feel my heart speeding up (not because of the nudity). I'm just so excited about the story told here. I've not heard this deliriously Mormon story told before but I suspect that everyone who does read it will have a hard time not writing their own imitation. It's just that bright and shiny and original. Beautiful stuff.

I have about forty more pages to read, but that's it for the fiction. I've read three of the essays (one engages is absolutely every technique that has made me sick of creative nonfiction, one is brilliant, and one is really good) and I've read the poetry (I didn't get Papworth's or Eggertsen's, but quite liked Babcock's and Chadwick's).

If I have anything else to say as I continue to read, I'll add it to the comments.

Oh. And nice cover, by the way. I didn't scan it, but here's an ittybitty rendition from their website. Click to subscribe. (That's an order.)

In defense of labor

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I understand that unions are part of the problem that many California cities are in danger of bankruptcy, and that fair wages and decent benefits are part of the reason schools are in trouble.

But.

Let's be fair.

The reason America's in the tanker now has nothing to do with unions. It's the fatcats sinking banks and taking huge bonuses. Imagine what schools could do with 10% of Wall Street's bonuses.

Micah 6:8 (svithe)

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The Lord hath shewed thee what is good.

And what doth the Lord require of thee,
but to do justly,
to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with thy God?

previous svithe

Next Five Books, yo (ugly and illegible Paint edition)

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040) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, finished September 1


Finally! I'm not too late the zeitgeist!

The book's about everything you've heard. Even I, who never rush through books anymore, rushed through this book. Even I, who never stays up late in an attempt to finish a book, stayed up late attempting to finish a book last night.

The book is imperfect however. After the natural conclusion, Collins attempted to introduce a secondary climax which fizzled, though I suppose it may matter in later books. I hope it does.

SPOILER PARAGRAPH: My other major complaint is that none of the heroic characters are made to murder another heroic character. That was the great moral complexity the book promised but utterly failed to deliver on. And while I suppose that was nice, it does make me wonder if the author's nervous of going to the truly dark places. And if she's afraid to go there, where else will she be afraid of going?

Anyway, I'm planning on reading the other two as well. (It's great getting books from the school library before it opens for students.)

three days



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039) Buy Ketchup in May and Fly at Noon: A Guide to the Best Time to Buy This, Do That and Go There by Mark Di Vincenzo, finished August 28


Lately, trips to the inlaws have resulted in interesting library books to peruse. I read all the When-is-it-best-to questions and a goodly percentage of the answers. And ever since (it's been a couple days now) I've been quoting salient and worthwhile facts. I want to get a copy of this book and share all the education-related ones with my students and just to have on hand next time I'm thinking about buying a refrigerator.

And, incidentally, buy ketchup in May because it's cheapest then, not freshest. Whatever you might mean by fresh Heinz.

(More tips from Vince, only online.)

an afternoon and evening



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038) Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut, finished August 25


Perhaps if this was your first Vonnegut book you might be suitably impressed, but otherwise you're apt to think, well, themes copied from this book and this books, narrative voice renewed from this book and this book.

So, in other words, not one of his best. But still enjoyable. Made me want to read Breakfast of Champions again since a) they share characters and b) I don't really remember it at all.

about a month



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037) In the Void by Michael R. Collings, finished August 21


When I first read Michael Collings --- in Irreantum --- it was one of those rare moments when a poem opens up and speaks to me as reader as if written in the moment for my eyes. I doubt this has happened ten times in my life, but it does happen and this was such an experience.

So when he sent me a copy earlier this year (full disclosure) I was happy to dig in. Particularly because I believe "genre" poetry has potential and I've never really seen it done well.

And this book's full title is, after all, In the Void: Poems of Science Fiction, Myth and Fantasy, & Horror.

Digression:

Another example of opening poetry occurred shortly after my high-school graduation in the pages of The New Yorker --- a poem about a snowman by Sparrow. I later had more indepth experiences with Sparrow while carrying a Sun subscription and found him half bore, half blowhard. But, then again, no way he could live up to the mythologized late-adolescent experience he had catalyzed.

I've had a similar experience with this book. I have enjoyed it. I've found numerous poems I plan to introduce to my students. I had some laughs and I had some dark smiles. I can recommend the book without reservation. I did not lose myself and rediscover myself in a new country.

But it's not fair to expect that from every book --- even one written by someone who has reached those heights before. SO let me leave you with a snippet:

....to dine, to surfeit on web-wrapped parts— the crimson spider at their heart.

about four months



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036) Three Men on the Bummel by Jerome K. Jerome, finished August 18


This I think, will be the final book I read on the Kindle before returning it. I downloaded it as a mobi from Gutenberg and it worked like a charm.

This book is the sequel to one of my all-time favorite books and while not as fully engaging as Three Men in a Boat, it was still mostly good. Some dry storyless patches in the middle where he just goes on and on about Germany (something he swore he would not do), but still worth a read.

What was heartbreaking though, was to read the Wikipedia article and learn that his companions in these two books, Harris and George, are not real. In fact, he had taken these vacations with his wife. I sputter impotently in disbelief. I wonder if Connie Willis knows.....

In the final chapters, his analysis of preWorld-Wars Germany is wonderful and delightful but also clearly primed for Nazis.

I wonder if this book is still as popular as it once was in German English-language classrooms and if so what the current generation thinks of the book.

Let's share a couple passages, shall we?

JKJ on being an early adopter:

I agree in trying new experiments up to thirty-five; after thirty-five I consider a man is entitled to think of himself.

JKJ correctly predicts the new lingua franca:

In the course of the century, I am inclined to think that Germany will solve her difficulty in this respect by speaking English. Every boy and girl in Germany, above the peasant class, speaks English. Were English pronunciation less arbitrary, there is not the slightest doubt but that in the course of a very few years, comparatively speaking, it would become the language of the world. All foreigners agree that, grammatically, it is the easiest language of any to learn. A German, comparing it with his own language, where every word in every sentence is governed by at least four distinct and separate rules, tells you that English has no grammar. A good many English people would seem to have come to the same conclusion; but they are wrong. As a matter of fact, there is an English grammar, and one of these days our schools will recognise the fact, and it will be taught to our children, penetrating maybe even into literary and journalistic circles. But at present we appear to agree with the foreigner that it is a quantity neglectable. English pronunciation is the stumbling-block to our progress. English spelling would seem to have been designed chiefly as a disguise to pronunciation. It is a clever idea, calculated to check presumption on the part of the foreigner; but for that he would learn it in a year.

JKJ on why Germans became the bane of the Twentieth Century:

Their everlasting teaching is duty. It is a fine ideal for any people; but before buckling to it, one would wish to have a clear understanding as to what this "duty" is. The German idea of it would appear to be: "blind obedience to everything in buttons." It is the antithesis of the Anglo-Saxon scheme; but as both the Anglo-Saxon and the Teuton are prospering, there must be good in both methods. Hitherto, the German has had the blessed fortune to be exceptionally well governed; if this continue, it will go well with him. When his troubles will begin will be when by any chance something goes wrong with the governing machine.

perhaps a month perhaps less



Previously in 2010 . . . . :

• First Five • Second Five • Third Five • Fourth Five • Fifth Five • Sixth Five • Seventh Five •

035) Utah: Sex and Travel Guide by Calvin Grondahl, finished August 10
034) E Pluribus Unicorn by Theodore Sturgeon, finished August 9
033) The Complete Peanuts, 1971 to 1972 by Charles M. Schulz, finished August 6
032) I Am Not a Serial Killer by Dan Wells, finished August 6
031) Rogue Clone by Steven L. Kent, finished July 26
030) Servant of a Dark God by John Brown, finished July 21
029) Drink Me, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blog by James Goldberg, finished June 9
028) Out of the Mount (tentative title) edited by Davey Morrison, finished June 8
027) Madman Boogaloo! by Mike Allred, Mike Baron, Bernie Mireault, Steve Rude; finished June 2
026) The Education of Robert Nifkin by Daniel Pinkwater, finished May 22
025) True Grit by Charles Portis, finished May 21
024) Old Man's War by John Scalzi, finished May 15
023) Pandora's Nightmare: Horror Unleashed, finished May 13
022) Anthem by Ayn Rand, finished May 11
021) Look! It's Jesus!: Amazing Holy Visions in Everyday Life by Harry Choron and Sandra Choron, finished May 9
020) Travels in the Scriptorium: A Novel by Paul Auster, finished May 5
019) Suburban Folklore by Steven Walters, finished May 4
018) The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall, finished April 30
017) Gracie: A Love Story by George Burns by George Burns, finished April 20
016) The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley, finished April 15
015) Dispensation: Latter-Day Fiction edited by Angela Hallstrom, finished March 24
014) The Best American Comics 2009 edited by Charles Burns, finished March 22
013) Icon: A Hero's Welcome by Dwayne McDuffie and MD Bright, finished March 17
012) There's Treasure Everywhere by Bill Watterson, finished March 15
011) Static Shock: Rebirth of the Cool. Finished right at midnight between March 13 and 14
010) Teen Titans: Year One by Amy Wolfram et al, finished March 7
009) The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, Book One by Bill Watterson, finished March 6
008) Apparition & Late Fictions: A Novella and Stories by Thomas Lynch, finished March 5
007) Stone Rabbit #1: BC Mambo by Erik Craddock, finished March 2
006) The Selected Works of T. S. Spivet by Reif Larsen, finished February 23
005) Missile Mouse 2 by Jake Parker (MS POLICY), finished February 5
004) Heroes of the Fallen by David J. West, finished February 4
003) Still Life in Milford by Thomas Lynch, finished January 19
002) Rapunzel's Revenge by Hales Shannon Dean and Nathan, finished January 16
001) Mormoniana by Mormon Artists Group, finished January 13

"17 Facts About Angels"

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Hooray for me.

I received an honorable mention from the Irreantum Fiction Contest, and two judges have contacted me saying I made judges cry. (Frankly, I think making Angela Hallstrom cry is a good life goal. So let's add that to my list and then check it off.)

Goldberg!

I like James Goldberg and I think he's an incredible writer. But the rules of engagement require that I now treat him as an enemy.

Karen!

My friend Karen Rosenbaum picked up some prize money as well. I first met her when she edited my story "The Widower" for Dialogue. I've since moved into her ward which, I suspect, makes our ward the best represented in the Irreantum contest. Berkeley Ward pride! Yay!

Notes

See the full list of winners here.

Letting someone else write a svithe on the "Ground Zero" mosque

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I've been wanting to write this, but Randy just took care of it.




last week's svithe

Classic Svithes: Eccelsiastical Svithery

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INTRODUCTION:

As you may have noticed, I have not been on top of my weekly svithing lately. In order to resolve this issue, I plan on dipping into the archives and bringing back svithes you a) probably haven't read and b) even if you did read it, you don't remember it. This week I'm bringing back the first classical svithe.

This svithe is apropos because today in Sunday School we discussed Ecclesiastes which, as you should know if you do not already, is awesome.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Eccelsiastical Svithery

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Someday I will go through the book of Ecclesiastes and write a long, long essay--maybe even a short book--on why I love it so much. Someday is not today, but I feel like touching briefly on its themes so I'm going to go ahead and do just that. For I am a wild-eyed libertarian.

What drives me crazy is how people dismiss Ecclesiastes as a bunch of pessimistic drudgery. Not so! First of all, people who say that don't really mean pessimism at all--they mean fatalism. Like here:

. . . and if the tree fall toward the south, or toward the north, in the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be.

Trees fall.

Where they fall, there they are.

This is not pessimism. And it's not precisely fatalism either. If anything, it's kind of taoey. The message here is relax. Don't worry about things you can't control. The tree fell? So what? The tree fell and there it is. Move on. Only worry about what you can control.

Following immediately after Proverbs as it does, with all its maxims of be good be strong be able do your duty do your best do more et cetera, Ecclesiastes is a breath of fresh air. The Preacher is not relieving the Bible-reader of any responsibility, but he is giving permission not to despair when things don't turn out just right. Yeah, you should follow the good advice in Proverbs, but you know what? Even when you do,

. . . the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

And that's frustrating. If I work the hardest, shouldn't I get the heftiest reward?

Sure you should. But it doesn't mean you will. And that's why the Preacher is always going on and on about vanity and death. Not because he's depressed or "pessimistic"--but to remind us that placing all our eggs in the basket of brilliant mortal success is nuts. Because we can't control that success.

What can we control, then? Is anything we do of worth? If I can work all my life and die a pauper, what's the point?

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment . . . .

In other words, the point is to forget about these short term rewards--what Jesus terms "that which moth doth corrupt and which thieves can break through and steal"--and let's just do the best we can and stop worrying so much about consequences. After all,

He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap.

So forget about the wind and the clouds and just do what you can.

That's not pessimism. That's a relaxed realism and I dig it.

Rejoice . . . and let thy heart cheer thee . . . walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh . . . . Remember now thy Creator . . . .

And he will remember thee.




original "last week's svithe"

last week's svithe

Demonstration of The Letter L

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Luh luh luh lollipop.
Luh luh luh lasagna.
Luh luh luh languid.
Luh luh luh leisurely.
Luh luh luh laughable.
Luh luh luh lethargic.
Luh luh luh lackadaisacal.
Luh luh luh Lenny.

El el el Paso.
El el el Elah Elahin.
El el el The El.
El el el Legos.
El el el Legolas
El el el Letter L.

Seventh Five Books Finished in 2010

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035) Utah: Sex and Travel Guide by Calvin Grondahl, finished August 10


I'm disappointed by this little collection of panel cartoons. Most of the stuff could be transplanted to any other locale and much of the rest to most any other locale. Plus, so many divorce jokes! Why so many divorce jokes? And not particularly funny divorce jokes, but bitter angry divorce jokes.

Which is not to say that this book doens't have its laughs. And Lady Steed, who was just flipping through it, likes it much more than I do. So there's that.

not long



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034) E Pluribus Unicorn by Theodore Sturgeon, finished August 9


I read the introduction to this book, set it aside for a few months then took it with me to Comic-Con where I read all but the final tale --- mostly while homeless.

The book is great. It offers one of the world's few good unicorn stories (they do exist!), some gay aliens (they do exist!) and a dizzying variety of voices and tones.

I finally have, after a year+'s hiatus, returned to read the last story and the timing is tremendous. It provided the sword to cut through the Gordian Knot for a project I'm currently working on.

Thank you, Mr Sturgeon!

If you're looking for genre short stories which prove genre's worth, this is a good place to start.

about sixteen months



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033) The Complete Peanuts, 1971 to 1972 by Charles M. Schulz, finished August 6


Holy moly! What a cliffhanger!

Sorry, but this volume ended in the middle of the story, and the next volume's sitting there waiting for me on that shelf right over there, so I'm going to go grab it if you don't mind.

Thanks.

about five months



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032) I Am Not a Serial Killer by Dan Wells, finished August 6


The second book finished in Experiment Kindle (and another pdf, this one very difficult to read) is also the most riveting book I've ever read.

(It's also a complete ripoff of me. Take one part "Happy St. Patrick's Day" and two parts my aborted reluctant teenage sociopath and you've got IANASK.)

I haven't had this much fun in a book for a while, and I can't remember the last time I turned pages so quickly. Everytime Lynsey took the Kindle to read Persuasion I wanted to, well, kill her. (I am not a serial killer.) (One will do me fine.) (He said hahahumurously.)

One of the most deeply flawed heros of all time, John Wayne Cleaver, is a kid that nature would have be a serial killer. He's trying to avoid that fate, but when a killer shows up in his hometown, the only way it can be stopped is if he kills him himself. And to do that, he must release his inner monster.

Great book. Don't miss it.

two or three weeks



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031) Rogue Clone by Steven L. Kent, finished July 26


(You can tell I have not yet fully joined the future because I feel obliged to mention that I read this on a borrowed Kindle.)

The Kindle I'm borrowing has a bunch of these Clone books. I picked one at random to be my first Kindle experience. Rogue Clone is not the first in the series and I do not know how typical it is, but, honestly, it wasn't any good. It had good moments, but as a book it does not hold together. It was several stories smashed randomly together, ending more, it seems, for the convenience of the author rather than for the pleasure of the reader. Because let's be honest. While I could come up with convoluted artistic justification for this book's quirks, ultimately they are errors and failures because the book claims no purpose beyond entertaining a reader. So I didn't ask many things this book. But cohesion and good sense were two of those few.

monthish



Previously in 2010 . . . . :

• First Five • Second Five • Third Five • Fourth Five • Fifth Five • Sixth Five •

030) Servant of a Dark God by John Brown, finished July 21
029) Drink Me, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blog by James Goldberg, finished June 9
028) Out of the Mount (tentative title) edited by Davey Morrison, finished June 8
027) Madman Boogaloo! by Mike Allred, Mike Baron, Bernie Mireault, Steve Rude; finished June 2
026) The Education of Robert Nifkin by Daniel Pinkwater, finished May 22
025) True Grit by Charles Portis, finished May 21
024) Old Man's War by John Scalzi, finished May 15
023) Pandora's Nightmare: Horror Unleashed, finished May 13
022) Anthem by Ayn Rand, finished May 11
021) Look! It's Jesus!: Amazing Holy Visions in Everyday Life by Harry Choron and Sandra Choron, finished May 9
020) Travels in the Scriptorium: A Novel by Paul Auster, finished May 5
019) Suburban Folklore by Steven Walters, finished May 4
018) The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall, finished April 30
017) Gracie: A Love Story by George Burns by George Burns, finished April 20
016) The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley, finished April 15
015) Dispensation: Latter-Day Fiction edited by Angela Hallstrom, finished March 24
014) The Best American Comics 2009 edited by Charles Burns, finished March 22
013) Icon: A Hero's Welcome by Dwayne McDuffie and MD Bright, finished March 17
012) There's Treasure Everywhere by Bill Watterson, finished March 15
011) Static Shock: Rebirth of the Cool. Finished right at midnight between March 13 and 14
010) Teen Titans: Year One by Amy Wolfram et al, finished March 7
009) The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, Book One by Bill Watterson, finished March 6
008) Apparition & Late Fictions: A Novella and Stories by Thomas Lynch, finished March 5
007) Stone Rabbit #1: BC Mambo by Erik Craddock, finished March 2
006) The Selected Works of T. S. Spivet by Reif Larsen, finished February 23
005) Missile Mouse 2 by Jake Parker (MS POLICY), finished February 5
004) Heroes of the Fallen by David J. West, finished February 4
003) Still Life in Milford by Thomas Lynch, finished January 19
002) Rapunzel's Revenge by Hales Shannon Dean and Nathan, finished January 16
001) Mormoniana by Mormon Artists Group, finished January 13

I'm not sure if this reflects well on my parenting or not

.

The Big O said this tonight:

"Cigarettes aren't as bad as television."

Patriotism compels me

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Yesterday was President Obama's birthday.

Sorry I missed it, man! Hope it was awesome!

Thbuzzkillsvithe

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Yesterday Lady Steed and I were able to go to the temple, which is not something we get to do that often these days, what with small children who aren't allowed inside. Although that's actually one of the draws. But our ward provided babysitting and off we went.

That was good, though I think (at least for me) temple attendance increases in meaningfulness with frequency of worship. But it still made for a great start to the day. (After that we and the kids fed ducks so, you know, best day ever?)

Today was Fast Sunday. Only the Big O and I were at church as son-number-two had thrown up in the night. Perhaps that lack of baby-wrangling explains the glory of that meeting. I have not felt as moved spiritually by a sacrament meeting in a long time. Testimonies shared --- including a few related to the previous day's temple trip --- slipped right into my heard, and I felt like I was bleeding love. Actually, that sounds like a bad thing. It wasn't. It was a good thing.

In the second hour we talked about Ahab and Jezebel and Elijah --- the most epic portion of the Old Testament (sadly reduced to but one week). Miguel Sanchez taught and our discussion of the widow and her son moved me in ways it never had before. Perhaps because I was thinking of other young women I know who've lost their husband and then things get worse. Or perhaps because Miguel observed that she was probably a Phoenician --- the enemy.

Then, third hour, I taught. I talked mostly about Sam Brannon (I relied primarily on these two sources: Bagley, Campbell). For a few reasons.

1) San Francisco has a rich Mormon heritage. For a while, the town was mostly Mormons. It's good for us to know that.

2) Sam Brannon had a fascinating life.

3) He's dead, so we can feel free to try and learn lessons from him without offending him.

The discussion went all right, but ultimately, I feel like maybe ending the day on an apostate wasn't the best cherry for the sweet spiritual Sunday that had been August 1.

Ah well.

Next time I'll have an alternate lesson prepared on William Prows. Just in case.

for the previous svithe, also related to pioneer day

I should never prepare for anything.

.

In a novel attempt to be responsible, I've been taking GRE practice tests. With each attempt, my verbal score drops 20 points. At this rate, when I take the test tomorrow, my verbal should below my quantitative.

What universe are we living in?

California Republicans are Stupid. (also, delicious food)

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So I, like plenty of Californians, am itching to get Barbara Boxer out of the Senate. And with anti-incumbency at high highs, this seems like the year for it. But then, in the primary, Republicans rejected probably their best Senate option in a long time in favor of someone who just might be crazy. Nice work, California Republicans. Brilliant move.

When Lady Steed and I were at Chez Panisse the other week, the table next to us upon whom we eavesdropped, was a group of people who reacted with audible gasps when they learned that one of their own's son had married a Republican. And, even more shocking, she seemed to be a descent person. Even though she was a Republican (and not an adventurous eater --- the other thing that her mother-in-law generally cannot forgive in a person), somehow she seemed to be a good person. Hard to believe, I know, but her mother-in-law herself admitted it to be true. Imagine!

Rich white liberals, I tell you. Sequestering themselves away from people unlike them. Not what the word liberal is really supposed to mean, imho.

The company may have been amusing, but the food was remarkable. Our big writeup is now up on Lady Steed's blog. At least skim it. We spent a fortune on this food. You might as well read about it.

Pioneer Day Svithe

.

When Brigham Young went off to declare some place The Right Place, he left behind a tawdry instant city set up in the middle of nowhere called Winter Quarters. Hosea Stout, as chief of police, was left behind to help maintain order. To deal with the drunkenness and theft and false prophets and all sorts of malarkey that was going on.

It got so bad that, according to Hosea's diary, on June 20, 1847, Orson Hyde had to "preach[...] his celebrated bogus sermon, denouncing all bogus makers, counterfeiters thieves &c & commanding all such & all who knew of such to come forth with and tell him & also absolved them from all former acts and covenants to keep secrets. This made quite a stir & caused some to 'confess their sins'"

So Hosea is dealing with rampant hooliganism, making friends with the Omahas the same time the feds are trying to recruit Mormon help to attack the Omahas, dealing with an endless series of people who try to either disband the police or cut their pay, etc etc etc. Almost makes the trek across the plains sound like the easier option.

And this is perhaps my point.

I think, as humans, we need role models to look up to. And, for instance, a sick Brigham Young in his cart declaring this valley the right place is a stirring image. But every Saint who stuck it through is a hero, even if they were left behind, even if they, like Hosea, spent half their time rounding up stray cattle.

Until October 8, 1847, that is, when Hosea Stout and 15 other men and 111 rounds of ammunition (enough to "enable" them to "make a good defence if occasion had required") headed West to intercept the returning pioneers. The weather moved from "the best of weather . . . warm and dry" on the 9th to "wet and cold" on the 11th to "pleasant . . . again" on the 12th to a "Very cold night & a hard white frost" on the 13th. On the fourteenth they met a small company who had been sent ahead by Brigham Young to get buffalo meat for the returning pioneers. They had abandoned that task however and just kept going. And when Brigham Young sent a rider up, asking them to return after the main body had been attacked and lost 80 horses to the Sioux, they did not but continued their return to Iowa.

 Hosea and the men with him felt "joy, anger & supprise" upon hearing this story and that "night was the most sad and gloomy time which we had. Not knowing where the Twelve and those with them were or what had become of them. Perhap they were broke down, & robbed of all their animals"

He worried they might still be clear back in Laramie, and imagine if that had been so! 16 men less than a week from Winter Quarters in mid October with a company to rescue on the other side of the plains! Dire!

While in this melancholy mood Bishop Calkins took me out aside and said that he felt like he wanted to speak in toungs which he said was an uncommon thing for him and if it was right & any one here who could interpret he would be glad to speak.

I spoke to the company about who all were anxious to hear him. Saying if there was any intelligence for us in toungs there would be an interpretation also. 

He spoke some time vehemently. Levi Nickerson only understood enough to know that it was relative to our situation and those we were in pursuit & that all was well.

Bishop Calkins then gave us the interpretation which in substance was that our mission was of God, whose eyes & the eyes of angels were over us for our good.

That the Lord had turned away our enemies from us & we had not been seen

For us to press on & be faithfull and our eyes should see those who we sought and we all should return to our homes in peace.

We all felt the force of what was said & agreed to try and do better if we could & press on untill we met them if we had to go to the valley.

This was a very singular circumstance for there was not one of us who was given to enthusiastic notions of this sort which is so common with some brethren But now we all felt an assurance that we would realize what had been spoken.

Two days after this spiritual reassurance  they chased their first buffalo and saw their first prairie dog town—30 times the size of Albany. And the day after those wonders, they found what they were looking for: the pioneers, returning from the valley, straggled out in a long line of three or four miles in length.

We marched fast, passing many who did not know us until we met the Twelve when we halted & every man ran to greet his friends.

It is useless for me to attempt to describe this meeting. The whole of us was in a perfect extacy of joy & gladness. They were worn down with fatigue and hunger with many an anxious thought on home and the welfare of their families & the church. Many of their animals had to be lifted up every time they laid down.

As for us, we only had one feeling now. All our anxiety & care was gone. In the midst of our brethren all our care and responsibility was gone we gave ourselves to the enjoyment of meeting & being with them. All was well & we had only to tell them that we was ready to assist them to anything we had.

The President said it was more joy more satisfaction to meet us than a company of angels for they heard from their families & we from the valley.

I suppose we can find plenty of lessons in this story, but the one I see plainly is that we don't need heroes. We just need each other. We are God's gift to each other. We as Saints can hold together and serve together and through the sustenance of the Spirit, we can accomplish great things.

In the name of . . . . . . 

previous svithe

Sixth 5books (includes a preliminary review of the Kindle and reasons why I'm finishing fewer books of late)

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030) Servant of a Dark God by John Brown, finished July 21


Holy smokes.

I had known I was finishing way way way fewer books this year, but I had no idea it's been over a month since I last finished one. Insane.

And so before we get to Brown's book, a bit of italicized speculating on why I am finishing fewer books this year.

First, I'm not reading as much comics. Not because I'm not reading comics --- in fact, I've never been deeper into comics (more on this in a future post) --- but I'm not reading booklength comics.

Second, I'm borrowing Recession Cone's Kindle. This might sound like it would lead to more reading, but there are a couple things you don't know. A) I'm driving to work rather than walking these past five weeks. B) Lady Steed won't let me carry the Kindle with me. She thinks it'll get me mugged. C) Between the books RC had on it and the one's I've added, when I have the Kindle, I haven't made a decision about what I'm going to read in the same way I have when I've picked up a book.

Third, I am, to pick a couple tired metaphors, spread thin, stretched thin lately. I have multiple writing and editing projects I'm in the middle of (eg, the comics thing mentioned above, Monsters and Mormons, more more more) and so I haven't been reading for readings' sake much of late.

Fourth, uncertainty about our future is making my brain leak and I'mm having a hard time concentrating on books. Never imagined such a thing was possible.

Before we get into Servant of a Dark God (because I haven't delayed this enough already), the Kindle.

Reading Servant isn't giving it a fair shake because it's a pdf I received (but didn't get read in time) for the Whitney Awards last year. I've been anxious to read it and the Kindle finally gave me that chance.

Even with the pdf cramping the Kindle's style, it was still fine to read on. My main complaint is that the contrast isn't stark enough. When reading in bed, if Lady Steed got between the Kindle and the lamp, I couldn't easily read anymore.

(It won't surprise you, given what I said in italics, that I have also been reading other books on the Kindle. I promised RC I wouldn't buy any books, but that doesn't stop my from reading in Kindle's native format with the books he'd already purchased, notably Rogue CloneRogue Clone by Steven Kent. [Interestingly, both writers are Mormon and both have badguyish peoples (in the sense of a race or nationality) with nearly identical names: Mogat and Mokad. Isn't that interesting?] So I can vouch for the better experience it is reading something other than a pdf on the Kindle.)

Being not much of a gadget fiddler, I haven't screwed around much with the Kindle's settings and bookmarks, etc. I suppose I should. I'm trying to get excited about that. But I'm really more interested in using it to read. Which it's reasonably dandy at. I think I read with less retention on the Kindle since I can't flip pages back and forth with the ease I do in books, but whether or not that's a problem is too soon to say.

Anyway. John Brown's book.

Well written high fantasy. I don't read much high fantasy these days so when I say something like UTTERLY ORIGINAL! I might be wrong, but I thought it was. I had a couple beefs (eg, the protag's age seemed to change over the course of the book), but for a first novel, I was mostly impressed. Excellent world, excellent concepts, excellent action, excellent fun.

Another thing I found striking was that while the whole book was one cohesive tale, after it ended, with a deft turn, Brown revealed how it can also be viewed as a book-one in a series (which it is, natch: here's a pdf of its first three [unreleased] chapters).

Any other questions?

estimate close to a month



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029) Drink Me, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Blog by James Goldberg, finished June 9


Well. If I had known you could get through a masters thesis navelgazing I might have done so ten years ago.

Having been in conversation with the author and (see book #28) reading a couple of his plays, I followed a link to one of his blogs and found his thesis in which he talks about his blogs (1 2 3). The paper is imminently readable although, as per its chapter four, I did skim several sections of it.

Rather than "reviewing" the book, I am, in response to all the self-quoting James did, I am now going to link to blog posts I have written which, in some way, respond to parts of his paper, thus continuing the conversation.

In America, "pissed" doesn't mean drunk (in which I overdo the linkery)

That much delayed Sunstone story, the horrifying one that I hope my students don’t hear (in which I, ah, am really really truthful)

What a way to start the month.... (more thonesty)

Post #300 in which we celebrate me by sharing humorous facts (in which I outnavelgaze the best of them and am simultaneously hilarious, a feat never before accomplished)

The Sin of Saint Onan (in which I sully another blog by being thobnoxious in my discussion of blogs as ephemera)

Okay. That's enough. Some good ones, a bad one. Should do it.

Your turn.


couple hours



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028) Out of the Mount (tentative title) edited by Davey Morrison, finished June 8


Because I'm involved in the publication of this book, everything I say may be fairly interpreted as puffery. But with that introduction, this is a great collection dealing with Mormon issues like faith, doubt, following, agency, love. Great stuff.

After you read your copy, come back with your five favorites. It'll be hard to choose I assure you, but here are mine:

"On Being a Priest" by Eric & Mary Emma Heaps
"Book of Mormon Story" by James Goldberg
"Gaia" by Eric Samuelsen
"Prodigal Son" by James Goldberg
"Little Happy Secrets" by Melissa Leilani Larson

Although I can look at that list and be totally satisfied, it still left out plenty of excellent work.

I love reading short plays and you should too, daddyo. Buy your own copy this September.

a week



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027) Madman Boogaloo! by Mike Allred, Mike Baron, Bernie Mireault, Steve Rude; finished June 2


Like most crossovers, this isn’t that great. (Sorry.) It’s really just an opportunity for creators to cross-pollinate their audiences. So how did these crossovers affect me, as a Madman fan?

The Nexus story did not sell me on the characters. In part because I don’t dig future superheroes, but also because Nexus isn’t my friend.

The Jam, like Nexus, is a not-my-friend character trapped in a subpar story, but this character I’m left interested in. I would read more Jam.

ggtt

under two weeks, but only, at most, forty minutes of reading



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026) The Education of Robert Nifkin by Daniel Pinkwater, finished May 22


Do you know Daniel Pinkwater? You should. His YA novels are delirious warpings of reality that boggle the mind. Which is what makes this book so hard to grasp.

See, this book is firmly in the school of realism yet, at the same time, it contains elements and characters so heightened into absurdity that calling this book realism is blatant lying. Yet, for all its wackiness, this still feels like a realistic look at 1950s Chicago high-school life.

What I find most charming about this book is its first page:

St. Leon's College
Parnassus on Hudson, New York

Admission Application, Page 4

64. Characterize, in essay form, your high-school ex-
perience. You may use additional sheets of paper
as needed.

Then the next 164 pages are his answer to that question.

So, the question begged is this: Will he be admitted?

I do not know. I cannot even hope to guess.


four days



Previously in 2010 . . . . :

• First Five • Second Five • Third Five • Fourth Five • Fifthe Five •

025) True Grit by Charles Portis, finished May 21
024) Old Man's War by John Scalzi, finished May 15
023) Pandora's Nightmare: Horror Unleashed, finished May 13
022) Anthem by Ayn Rand, finished May 11
021) Look! It's Jesus!: Amazing Holy Visions in Everyday Life by Harry Choron and Sandra Choron, finished May 9
020) Travels in the Scriptorium: A Novel by Paul Auster, finished May 5
019) Suburban Folklore by Steven Walters, finished May 4
018) The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall, finished April 30
017) Gracie: A Love Story by George Burns by George Burns, finished April 20
016) The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley, finished April 15
015) Dispensation: Latter-Day Fiction edited by Angela Hallstrom, finished March 24
014) The Best American Comics 2009 edited by Charles Burns, finished March 22
013) Icon: A Hero's Welcome by Dwayne McDuffie and MD Bright, finished March 17 012) There's Treasure Everywhere by Bill Watterson, finished March 15
011) Static Shock: Rebirth of the Cool. Finished right at midnight between March 13 and 14
010) Teen Titans: Year One by Amy Wolfram et al, finished March 7
009) The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, Book One by Bill Watterson, finished March 6
008) Apparition & Late Fictions: A Novella and Stories by Thomas Lynch, finished March 5
007) Stone Rabbit #1: BC Mambo by Erik Craddock, finished March 2
006) The Selected Works of T. S. Spivet by Reif Larsen, finished February 23
005) Missile Mouse 2 by Jake Parker (MS POLICY), finished February 5
004) Heroes of the Fallen by David J. West, finished February 4
003) Still Life in Milford by Thomas Lynch, finished January 19
002) Rapunzel's Revenge by Hales Shannon Dean and Nathan, finished January 16
001) Mormoniana by Mormon Artists Group, finished January 13

Normally, if I only give myself 15 minutes to drive to work, I'll be late

.

Today I went from asleep to school in 12 minutes.

#donttrythisathome

Beautiful spam!

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It's been a while since I posted a spam letter, but the new religious version of the Nigerian businessman trope seems to have reached its apotheosis, so I had to share:

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

From Mrs. Sheila Johnson
reply-to sheilajohn64@aol.com
date Sun, Jul 18, 2010 at 10:43 AM
subject God Bless You !!

Dear Beloved in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, having known the truth,I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God & his mercies and glory upon my life.

I am Mrs.Sheila Johnson the wife of Mr Harold Johnson, my husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Kenya for twenty years before he died in the year 2007.

We were married for ten years without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christians.

Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$3.5M. (Three Million Five Hundred Thousand U.S.Dollars), with a Bank in Europe.Presently,this money is still with the Bank and the management just wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to sign for the release of this money or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I can not come over.

Presently, I'm in a hospital in Kenya where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer.I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few weeks to live. It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations anywhere in the World.Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them.

Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me Stand and collect the Funds from the Bank.

I want a person that is God fearing that will use this money to fund churches,orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth.I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner.

Hence the reason for taking this bold decision, I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going and I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.

Exodus{14 VS14}says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my soundless voice and presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of my attorney who is in Europe as he will be the one to assist you in laying claims for this funds.

Kindly send your reply to my private email address which is as follows:
sheilajohn64@aol.com

Your Sister in Christ,
Mrs.Sheila Johnson.