2006-05-15

Post #300

in which we celebrate me
by sharing humorous facts

.

  • There are no unknown particles. Only ones Thmazing hasn't told us about yet.

    That's Thmazing!
  • To say Thmazing knows everything is to be redundant.

    That's Thmazing!
  • If Thmazing opens a door for you, it's not so much to be polite as it is an opportunity to show off that he can manipulate matter with his hands as well as his mind.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Since the birth of Thmazing, IQ tests are no longer scored on a curve. Psychiatrists discovered that doing so gave the world one genius and six billion idiots.

    That's Thmazing!
  • There are no lost causes. Only causes untouched by Thmazing's dazzling intellect.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing was responsible for the great Yellowstone fires of '88. His family was driving through and he had a particularly incendiary thought about pine trees.

    That's Thmazing!
  • String theory was proved to be true when Thmazing blew twelfth dimensional snot into a tissue.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Some people cry when they're in emotional pain. Some people cry from delirious happiness. Everyone cries when they meet Thmazing.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing discovered fractals while trying to figure out what the heck his hair was up to today.

    That's Thmazing!
  • French people don't like Thmazing because their collective sneers can't touch his on a bad day.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing's sneer can be measured on the Richter scale.

    That's Thmazing!
  • If the country's headed downhill, it's because politicians no longer seek the wisdom of Thmazing. Too many had perished under his withering gaze.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Not only is Thmazing awesome, he's also a really nice guy. By last count, he has allowed over six billion to live.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing : brilliant : : the sun : kinda visible on a clear day

    That's Thmazing!
  • There's no such thing as someone who doesn't know Thmazing. There are only people who can't quite comprehend what that magnificent presence is that permeates their lives.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Earthquakes are caused by the background radiation synching up with Thmazing's brain waves.

    That's Thmazing!
  • There were going to be Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but Thmazing doesn't like horses.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Lots of people think Thmazing is a cocky bastard. But no one blames him for it.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Given that birds suddenly appear every time he is near, Thmazing was able to prove that spontaneous generation is true after all.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Some people think space is infinite. Those people have never compared space to Thmazing's intellect.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Feeling it was impolite to group Thmazing with themselves, taxonomists created the designation Homo thmazinius.

    That's Thmazing<!
  • Thmazing has decided not to pursue a career in film because the makeup technology does not exist to make starlets his equal.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Most asylums now have a wing to treat those who looked upon Thmazing without preparing themselves first.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Compasses don't work within a hundred miles of Thmazing; his personality overwhelms magnetic north.

    That's Thmazing!
  • One of Thmazing's favorite tricks is to give the masses vertigo by raising only one eyebrow.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing never introduces himself when meeting people for the first time. He doesn't want to embarrass them.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing can make bread merely by warning wheat of the consequences of disobedience.

    That's Thmazing!
  • When Thmazing visits a steak house, he never has to wait in line.
    It's the cows that are clamoring to get in.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Some people think the word "Thmazing" refers to a way of life. I suppose that's true....

    That's Thmazing!
  • Some people gossip that Thmazing once saved the world. When asked about it, he looked confused and said, "Once?"

    That's Thmazing!
  • When Thmazing takes a wrong turn, it becomes, by virtue of his presence, a scenic shortcut.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing has completed his Theory of Everything, but he published it with Mad Libs just to mess with the scientific establishment.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Most people don't realize that potato salad began as a metaphor for Thmazing. (That's not a joke.)

    That's Thmazing!
  • Dan Brown's books is such a joke. The real Da Vinci code is about the historical necessity for a Thmazing.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Languages die when people realize they still can't keep secrets from Thmazing.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Descartes's first draft read, "Thmazing is, therefore I am."

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing's personal space is necessarily larger than others' to keep people from being crushed by the gravity of his intellect.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing can't write fiction. By virtue of his having imagined it, his stories become documented fact.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Thmazing was acquitted of murder when it was established that the victim had challenged him to a staring contest.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Monkeys want Thmazing to be their king.
    They're going to have to wait in line.


    That's Thmazing!
  • Not everyone respects Thmazing. Not everyone lives a life free of mental distress and acute paranoia either.

    That's Thmazing!
  • The APA considered removing "athmazuality" (failure to be attracted to Thmazing) from their list of mental disorders, but they couldn't stop laughing.

    That's Thmazing!
  • Some people say Thmazing should learn to edit himself. Others cry,

    "SACRILEGE!"

  • 10 comments:

    1. Wow. That's quite Th'ego. Can't wait for #400.

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    2. My favorite is: "Thmazing can make bread merely by warning wheat of the consequences of disobedience." It's very biblical. Like making bricks without straw.

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    3. I do agree with absent minded secretary, but I also like "Lots of people think Thmazing is a cocky bastard. But no one blames him for it."

      Pahaha. Memories of you using that word at Christmas time at the Bras(s)Clan's house. Hahahaha.

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    4. If it helps, I never once thought of you as a cocky bastard. Just a bastard.

      Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you.

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    5. Thmazing has rendered Stupid...well...stupid...

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    6. You sound like a twisted combination of Ghandi, Rush Limbaugh, the Beatles, and an M-class planet. Weird. When I met you, I just thought you were a really nice guy. I mean, I felt the gravitational pull and all, but I thought that was just your hat.

      btw, the Web says, "Narcissists are toxic and abusive. When you see one, get away and stay away." That's food for thought, my friends.

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    7. BWAH hahahaha! That's great! :D Who needs Chuck Norris?

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    8. Some have speculated on whether Jack Bauer could take Thmazing in a fight. They forget, Jack Bauer is a fictional character. And Thmazing writes fictional characters. For breakfast.

      ReplyDelete