[Note: this is the first in an occasional series that will build upon my Erotic in LDS Lit series. Both series will share the same lds-eros tag which can be found at the bottom of each article.]
Recently I referred readers to the Sunstone article When Virgins Collide, which presumes that the author's experience of orgasmless years of marriage are typical of Mormon marriages. Shortly before that I was with a few other LDS couples and two of the women mentioned a similar story from somewhere in the Bloggernacle about a woman who couldn't make sex happen at all for some portion of her marriage and they chuckled and said that's crazy! and, it wasn't that way for me! and therefore, she's a freak! a one-of-a-kind! because obviously my experience is typical!
Remember when we were kids and we assumed everyone was like us? If I want a submarine, then a submarine makes the perfect birthday gift for my friend. But as we get older, this happens less and less as we grow and learn that other people have different needs and different desires and different interests --- that other people are just different. But this broadened understanding doesn't seem to happen with sex. Why? I suspect it's because we just don't talk about it enough.
Now, if you're read my previous posts, you know I don't advocate constant sexual discourse and anysuch, but in The Sex Talk, I do argue for more openness than we tend to now.
To be fair, the anonymous author of "When Virgins Collide" does as well* --- she even gives a sex talk to her Relief Society. I don't think that bringing every personal detail out into the open (or perhaps any at all) is wise and good, but as a generic topic? Needed. And it can only be genericized, made safe, by talking about it.
And until we do start talking, we will continue to make erroneous assumptions about others' needs and desires and interests, just because we are unaware that ours are not universal.
And that can only lead to hurt feeling and awkward pauses and other unpleasantness. Ick. And we don't want unpleasantness.
Official Thmusings Policy: Unpleasantness not preferred.