The Yawn that Lived

Yawning Artist.

Once upon a time, there was an evil wizard named Ssteve who really hated yawning. I mean, he really hated yawning. Like, a lot. So he invented this wicked spell that killed yawns.

Now, in those days, yawns used to flit from face to face and mouth to mouth with a fluidity we never see before. One person would yawn and the yawn would squeal with delight and leap to another person who would yawn and send the yawn onwards, living a long and happy life bringing stretched jaws and extra oxygen to the people of this happier time.

And then came Ssteve.

He saw these happy yawns and they reminded him of the time his underwear got caught in the swing in the park when he was ten years old and Suzy Loulee saw him fall on his face in the sand, his green shorts half left on the seat. Boy that day still pissed him off to think of. Between that and his third-grade teacher, it was pretty much guaranteed that he would grow up to be a villain, but it was the way Suzy Loulee yawned upon seeing him the next day that really set his gullet against yawning in particular.

Anyway. So he came up with this way to kill yawns.

Oscitia! he would cry when he saw a yawn, a green bolt shooting to the unfortunate face and killing the yawn dead, a sense of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction left in its wake.

The slaughter was massive and yawns, which used to be such carefree little things, turned nervous and jittery. Where they used to involved the entire face, now they shrunk and squeaked and hid behind hands. The yawns were on the run and Ssteve was their cruel drivemaster.

But there was one yawn, a little yawn nameless as its kin, whose bliss was a little purer and whimsy a little freer. And when Ssteve screeched Oscitia! at it, the bolt dissipated in midair and the yawn found a new home on a new face. And when he screamed Oscitia! again, the serious, glum blast of green reached for the yawn yet failed to arrive.

And the yawn, unaware, skipped and scattered onward, sharing stretches and the eight element with all it encountered.

Ssteve considered this and refined his attack and rushed onward, killing yawns as he went, and when he found that yawn again, he was really. Oscitiaitiaitia! he said, calmly as death, and the white lightening struck the yawn straight on and spun around its fancy, spinning faster and faster until it careened off, faster than before, its power greatly increased, and struck Ssteve full in the face, and the Yawn that Lived found purchase there, stretching Ssteve's jaw and bringing a rush of oxygen to his lungs, heart, brain.

And as Ssteve yawned, he changed. And although he remained quite a fearsome villain, he ceased his crusade against yawning. And the Yawn that Lived moved on, from face to face and soul to soul and the world was stretched, and breathed.

1 comment:

  1. It doesn't take magic to kill a yawn. Next time someone sitting next to you yawns, simply poke the yawn--it'll pop like a bubble. It's pretty much the most annoying thing in the world: there you are, yawning, and the jerk sitting next to you sticks a finger in your mouth--doesn't even touch you, just sticks his finger in and--pop!--no more yawn.

    Yeah, that really sucks.

    On the other hand, there are few things as entertaining as being that jerk....