It's important to tell jokes. We all have a moral responsibility to tell jokes and really, I fear hell for not being more consistently funny. Which is to say, if you don't laugh at the joke I'm about to tell you, I fear for my very soul. So before you choose not to laugh, ask yourself: Do I really want the stain of a lost Theric upon my conscious? I'm assuming the answer is no. So listen up and prepare to laugh heartily.
So there was this girl, right? She was a looker of course, because I want you to stick with me to the punchline and I'm not sure you have enough depth as a human being to stick with an ugly girl. No offence, but you sort of give off that impression.
Anyway, she was walking down the street and since it was a hot day she was jogging --- not because it was a hot day, but because she wants to stay hot. Get that? Bit of a pun to keep you going. And so she's wearing shortshorts and one of those trainer top things only the kind they wear in magazines that are cut a little lower. And she's sweaty. A thread or two of her hair hanging down onto her face.
So she's jogging down the street, right? Jogging with all the motions and stuff, arms and legs and so forth. That kind of thing. Keeping healthy. And as she turns to head up the hill that will take her home and into her shower, she sees this shiny green thing off the side of the road in the weeds, just before this little bunch of trees, so sort of in the shadows kind of, only before the shadows get that deep because it is daytime, you know. Not safe to jog alone after dark.
So she slows down and jogs in place to look for a while and after a second the green thing hops up and over towards her in the street and it's this sort of iridescent frog thing. I mean, it is a frog, but iridescent frogs aren't exactly natural, you know. So she's surprised of course and says, what? and the frog says, what yourself! and she laughs because she's the kind of girl who laughs when she's surprised.
And the frog hops closer and she stops jogging in place so she can crouch down and check it out.
The frog says he's a prince and the girl says that's crazy. the frog says, why? and she says, we live in a democracy, and the frog says, well maybe I'm not from around here, and she says, well then you have no domain anyways and what's a prince without a domain anyways? so the frog gets all huffy and says, fine if that's the way you're going to be then maybe I won't let you kiss me! and she says, ew like I was going to kiss you anyway! and so they're at an impasse.
Which is too bad of course, from the point of view that we should all try to make sincere honest connections with others while we're on the earth, but ignore that because I don't want you to be sad when we get to the punchline and we're almost to the punchline and when you get to it, it's really important that you laugh. Don't forget.
So they're at an impasse and the girls says that she guesses she should maybe get going but the frog says, wait! so she waits because she feels bad about saying, ew.
The frog gets himself up on his hind legs and they look each other in the eyes and then the frog says, aren't you going to ask me why I'm glowing?
So she says, sure I guess why are you glowing?
So he kind of smirks and says, you'll never guess what you have to get a witch to do to become a frog in the first place.
And that's the punchline. I'll admit that it needs some tightening up and probably I could tell the same story and end with a more weekend-appropriate punchline but I think you'll agree that with the vampire rage coming to an end, amphibians are apt to be the next hot thing with teenage girls and I got to start now if I want to break that market.
Anyway I feel a little bit better now for making you laugh and staying one more day away from damnation. Hit me up next week for another. I've got some real guffaws in the works. I'm serious. I've got a joke about a frog and a pony (not sexy) and a frog that dies by unicorn (too sexy for my blog). Just got to tighten the old screws a bit.
Big shoutout to my man Mark Twain before we go! I'm pretty sure stuff like this is what he had in mind when he told that gag about the ghosts and the gold leg or something. He really had some laughs, that guy.