The Ultimate Svithe SmackdownSanta -v- Jesus

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What did Jesus
ever do for
Santa Claus
on his birthday?
~Steven Wright

Last night the Berkeley Ward had their Christmas Party and, as expected, one Jolly Old Elf made an appearance. And as I watched the kids go up to see him, and I thought about the Amazing Feats allegedly performed by said Elf each Christmas Eve, I had the idea for a short story wherein it is learned that in order for said Elf to accomplish said feats, a yearly sacrifice of one child is required.

Then I remembered I just wrote a short story wherein Santa is murdered by a ten-year-old child and thought I had better hold off an any more Bloody Christmas Stories for a while lest people get the Wrong Idea about Theric.

Then I was talking to my good friend the Chemist and he was telling me that he has been trying to instill his Rational Ideals in his daughter S-Boogie (no relation), but she insists on being faithful.

"You know, Santa's just pretend, honey."

"No!"

I was one of the faithful myself, and my final apostasy from the Cult of Santaism may be the reason I now cover him in blood while carrying signs outside Santa Square.

You see, I didn't fully give up on Santa till high school.

Here's the thing: I knew Santa wasn't real like, say, I was real. I knew I could make up his history and that my version was as good as anyone else's. Ergo, Santa was pretend. And this I knew.

But I was also a possessor of Perfect Knowledge. You see, I saw Santa. I was, oh, eight? And I SAW SANTA COME THROUGH MY FRONT DOOR AFTER EVERYONE ELSE WAS ASLEEP AND PUT PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE WHILE I HID BEHIND THE HALL DOORWAY.

I still don't know how to explain it. It's one of my clearest memories of childhood. I saw Santa, and he was not my dad and he was not some old guy from church or a volunteer fireman or any of the other Santas I regularly saw. He Was Santa.

And so, notwithstanding all the evidence to the contrary, I believed.

I think this is why I have no desire to teach my child about this devious elf. Santa is dead to me. It took a long time, and now that it's over, It Is Over.

Someone once said to me--this was a couple years ago--that one of their sibs was confused when they learned Santa is a Big Lie because his/her parents had spoken of Santa in the exact same way they spoke of Jesus. Was Jesus a big hoax too?

I was raised to treat Santa as a religious icon. But only with Santa was I warned not to tell others he was Fake and thus Ruin Their Christmas. Denying Jesus was never given the same weight as Denying Santa. I'm sure this was just because only the notion of Denying Jesus was untenable, but how was a child to know?

It seems to me that two benevolent, godlike presiders over a single holiday is one too many. I don't know what rôle Santa will play in our house as the Big O ages, but I don't want there to be any confusion over which god is the god of Christmas.

Santa's just pretend, honey.

He wasn't at the manger.

Santa's just pretend.

. . . . .

Excuse me now while I go cry in my eggnog.









last week's svithe

Apology

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For some time I have been meaning to draft a statement of purpose for Thmusings (or at the very least a styleguide so people can figure out what the heck my name is), but I have never quite gotten around to it. One reason for this is I'm still figuring out what the rules are myself.

I have newly discovered one by breaking it. For breaking this rule, I apologize.

Thmusings has many posts that are non sequiters or absurdities and such I have no problem with--anyone interested in getting to know the Baizzerist should expect such madness from time to time.

But you should always feel comfortable in knowing that all such non sequiters and absurdities do not place the author and the reader on unequal footing. I never know any more about them than you do. Granted, we see them from different angles, but our knowledge of them is equal. They are what they are and that is all.

My recent post on Santa broke this rule. I was never quite comfortable with the post, but I became enamored with the line "Well, I finally killed Santa today" and had to post it. It was not until Silly Marie commented that I began to realize how unfair this post was to my readership. It referenced something that no one but Theric knew about and thus was unfair to post without explanation. I give you that explanation now:

In the spirit of Halloween, I checked out a short story collection that I have been skipping through and which, as a whole, has been pretty good. The collection includes a story by James Dorr that disappointed me, however. It was not well writ and was too obvious. But the concept was brilliant--a little boy with a grudge against Santa leaves him poisoned treats which kill instead his mother's boyfriend. Good: Kid who wants to kill Santa. Bad: "A Christmas Story" by James Dorr.

So I decided to coöpt this concept and write a better story. My story stars the real Santa, does not have a grudge-holding tot, and, I hope, is much more violent and horrific.

Note: as Lady Steed said upon learning of this story, there is something wrong with me

I made short work of the ~1700 word rough draft and was pleased enough with it that I mentioned it on my blog, but decided to do so in a mysterious, joycean way that embarrasses me now. To make up for it, here are the first five rough-draft paragraphs of "Out for Santa":

It’s a make-believe world but no one knows it. Santa is real and is constrained by maintaining his seeming fancy. Parents always assume the other [parent] or some other brought that little extra and Santa knows exactly how much he can bring without causing suspician / and get away with it. Which means rich kids get much and poor kids get little or nothing and there’s nothing he can do about it and he hates it but that’s the way it is. He can’t risk getting discovered by those with the power to legislate and enforce and he is, after all, make-believe. Children belive he is real make-believe, but not that he is real—and thus it must remain. He wound’t have it any other way. And thus he is limited.

The great paradoxes of Santa’s existence produced by logical sixth graders do not trouble him at all. Of course, he does not literally visit every house in the world in one night, but the millions he does? No problem. In and out, in whatever way seems most convenient, a hundred million times, all in one night. He is Santa, Father Christmas, der Weinachtsmann, Juletomten, Pere Noel--of course he can do it. The doing of it causes him not the least anxiety. The only thing that troubles Santa is how transient all his gifts are / prove / prove to be. How few lives he changes. How worthless his efforts are. But of course he does not stop. He cannot stop. He is make-belibe. And so many believe.

He is Santa.

Now. About Jimmy. There will never be as many Jimmys as there are people named James, but there are many, many people named James, mostly English speakers, overwhelmingly white, nearly all male. It’s a popular name. And a reasonalble number of them spend their younger yeards as Jimmy. Jimmy is one of these. He is six years old (too young—10? 12 too old), English-speaking, white, male. A typical Jimmy. He has freckles.

Jimmy attended (attends?---might be good in present tense) fourth grade at Norvest Elementary and was a reasonably good student except he loved saying butt when the teacher’s back was turned. His friends all agreed it was hilarious. Jimmy was an intense dodgeball player but otherwise he did not behave in a way that would raise suspician. In the shouebox in the hollow below the dead elm tree in his backyard were the heads (are) of six squirrels, two chipmunks, three robins, six sparrows, a starling, and the nieghbor’s toy poodle.

Is Santa real?

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021) Does Santa Exist?: A Philosophical Investigation by Eric Kaplan, finished March 11

First, regardless of what Matt Groening says, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar is a funnier book on philosophy.

Nice to get that off my chest.

As you may recall, I have at best an ambiguous relationship with Santa Claus. And so . . . and so I'm not sure why I even picked this book up. Maybe for therapy.

In brief, Kaplan starts by talking about how the Santa question drove a (parent-drive) wedge between his son and a friend. He then addresses the question of Santa's existence via logic, via mysticism, via comedy, via kabbalah.

Logic and mysticism get a thorough rundown (logic's is more thorough, but mysticism can get redundant, so we'll forgive this). His most intriguing argument is putting comedy on an equal philosophical footing with logic and mysticism, though I feel constrained to call the chapter a bit underdeveloped. For a couple reasons. First, he doesn't have as many experts to rely on to bolster his argument. Second, he bumps into a problem, sort of a corollary to Poe's law:

Kaplan's corollary: After establishing a humorous tone, it's impossible to tell if lesser humorous portions of a work are intended to be taken more or less seriously than the work as a whole.

For instance, he gives a long exegesis of the the Cheese Shop Sketch, claiming it "is obviously about the Holocaust and the destruction of European civilization in World War I and II" (143). Really? I mean, ha ha?
Anyway. I really did like the comedy section best. He makes a solid argument that laughter is how we resolve paradox. And he uses that solution to dig into the absurdity of the book's very existence.

As we're reading about comedy, I'm really loving this book and wishing there wasn't a three-page explication of a Sarah Silverman joke about licking a penis. I'm not sure I can fit that into a high-school curriculum.

He even manages to tie in the English-class definition of comedy:

Since ancient times, comedies have always ended in a wedding. This is because they are the formation of larger wholes---both between people and between warring subsystems within the self. (149)

(Maybe you have to read the book.)

Anyway. Kabbalah. As Kaplan will eventually explain, this is because these sorts of explanations are ultimately personal. And as an esoteric Jewish fellow, he's attracted to teachings from the Ari and friends. Stands to reason.

The problem is that the book was structured to make the comedy chapters the [philosophical] climax of the book, and so the next section on the unfamiliar, kabbalah, though it eventually (evehhhhhhntually) paid off, was at times a total drag.

Which is why I'm stopping here and not citing any other of my bent pages with Kaplan's explanation of what makes all this search for Santa ultimately personal:

I'm not really advocating that you take my mixture and swallow it. I'm just showing you how I did it so you can do it yourself. So my brain and my life have gotten to a place where I can more or less function by putting together these reflections oj logic, mysticism, comedy, and the kabbalah. If you're a half-Belgian, half-Pakistani lion-tamer atheist, I would expect your take on Santa Claus would include a mixture of Sufism, atheism, lion lore, and Luc Sante. I'm not saying I'm not trying to start a cult---of course I am. Cult leader is a great job, and anybody who had the chance to apply would be crazy not to. But you should start a cult too, and I'll let you be in my cult if I can be in yours.

That, I think, is the ultimate value of this volume. Not that it determines the existence of Santa (spoiler alert: he exists), but that it demonstrates the process of thinking (and feeling) (and laughing) through the process of deciding what Santa, or, rather, life, means.

And that's something high-school students would do well to grapple with. Jellied penises or no jellied penises.

two or three weeks



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020) Babymouse #8: Puppy Love by Jennifer L. Holm and Matthew Holm, finished March 11

Aren't the Babymouse books fun? Manic and fun. Fast and manic and fun. And jampacked with added-value jokery.

mere minutes



Previously in 2014 . . . . :

Santa v Jesus redux

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I've stopped getting many hits from Google for people looking for Santa versus Jesus.

And since I always side with Jesus (even when he's not there, I've still killed Santa), I thought I would share this image with you:

also available as a greeting card

Christmas Tales

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For those of you who found the last Christmas collection I was in to be a bit saccharine, how about this collection?

I haven't started reading it yet, so I can't comment on the relative quality of the anthologies, but I'm sure they will not have the same flavors.

Anyway, I'm glad to have finally found a home for my story "Out for Santa" which I've had kicking around for a while.

But now, if you only have time for one Christmas collection and need a thmazing holiday fix, would you rather read about the kindly Southern couple who plays Santa, or the cocky young kid who wants to kill Santa?

Tough choice.

Iceskating's for big, burly, muscle-bound sissies

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We (the Brass Clan) (see previous posts) went to the Shark Tank tonight because Papa Brass is a season-ticket holder and tonight was free holiday skating for season-ticket holders and their guests. And free chips and pretzels and peanut butter cookies and rice krispie treats and other unholy and unhealthful substances that are nonetheless delicious for season-ticket holders and their guests.

Somehow it was decided that, since the ice was crowded, it would not be a good night for the Big O to learn how to skate. And since it is a well established fact that I don't see the appeal of skating, that I would sit with him and ingest the worst kind of calories. And so I did.

The Big O saw Sharkie skating around in a Santa suit and said "Arrr! Arrr!" much as he would have had he seen a lion in a Santa suit. And so I was not too resistant to Papa Brass's desire to get O's picture taken with Sharkie.

But--and here's a lesson to all parents--when a child has got a definite fear of Santa, introducing him to one with a thousand-tooth smile just ain't going to work. In fact, it is apt to make him scream and clutch you and shudder as if he is about to, well, be drug under water and devoured by a six-foot plush predator.

Honestly, I can't think of anything scarier either.

Of course, we didn't try to take a picture with O and an actual hockey player, so who can say?

Ending the year in cinematic style

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Last year, I didn't manage to see many new movies. And the ones I did see were mostly mediocre.

This year, I did slightly better on numbers (more than double 2021, but still not a lot) and the quality was better as well. Nothing terrible and many excellent.

You'll note that last link is to Letterboxd. I haven't used it a lot, but I remain boxd-curious. If you're their, friend me. It'll encourage me to make better use of it. If you're not, it's cool, but do you have space for another social media? I'm not sure I do, which is entirely the problem.

Anyway, onto the movies!

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HOME
Prime Video

The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999)

What a remarkable movie. I'm going to need some time to mull it over. It does make me wish I was watching the Drieir film immediately adjacent. It's the one I've been trying to watch for years. This one never interested me, but it's the film-group film for December. And: no regrets. Fascinating film. Milla Jovovich is great (which thing I did not know or had forgotten) and Dustin Hoffman's appearance was both utterly unexpected and exactly right.

That said, her dark hour in her cell, while provocative, ultimately meant less to me than that scene as played in Martyr's Crossing. I do feel there is a place for God's silence and for the secondguessing of spiritual experiences, but ultimately, my view of Christianity supposes a God who accepts us in our flaws and takes the side of the downtrodden.

One thing Jovovich and the editing together accomplish is a deep sense of trauma. While people can debate whether this Jean is inspired or schizophrenic, everyone can agree that her life is lived between bouts of crippling PTSD. And she was such a happy child. (The girl who played young Joan was excellent; this appears to be her only film credit.)

Anyway. I know it's been 23 years, but what did you think?

ELSEWHERE
our dvd / HBO Max

The LEGO Movie (2014)

This is the first time students chose this movie as the capstone to our dystopia unit. I was looking forward to the discussion and it held up. And it was pretty fun to watch with them. But I'm not sure it was the right choice. But, you know, that's okay. We're breaking for two weeks on Friday.

Read the next review too. They go together.

ELSEWHERE
our dvd / HBO Max

The Matrix (1999)

This is what the other class chose and it was dizzying to watch them interwoven with one another. (Incidentally, my dvd player when on the fritz day two and students stepped up with streaming. If you were wondering what that was all about.) Because although I've read much about The LEGO Movie being Nineteen Eighty-four interwozen with a bunch of other dystopian novels, it plays like a straight-up parody of The Matrix. I'd seen people comparing Trinity and Wyldstyle and being able to see reality in numbers is pretty obvious, but there's more. If we're lucky, LEGO may've put some nails in the Chosen One's coffin. Ugh.

One problem with watching a culture-shifting film with people who were born after it came out is that no matter how well they may intellectually understand that fact, it still plays out to them like tired cliches. You know. Like Hamlet.

HOME
library dvd

Midnight Run (1988)

This movie kept getting recommended on the BW/DR twitter feed and so I wanted to see it. And now I have.

And I loved it! It's an excellent cops-and-robbers/buddy/chase movie but, most impressively at all, it took its time and slowed down near dead-center (not where you usually look for this sort of thing) and provided a truly moving moment. I think that's the part I'll remember best of all.

Just know, when someone inevitably recommends it to you, they're doing right by you.

ELSEWHERE
Kanopy

Patch Town (2014)

I remembered the movie being in Russian. And it probably should be in Russian.

Before I pitched it as a possibility to my class, I doublechecked the language. Then I remembered an undercast (in things I watch) Canadian's in it. So English.

I'm still not sure it's good but oh is it something! Absolutely worth watching it.

With my fuzzy memories and watching it with fresheyed teenagers, I noticed that it has some humor that could be described as distastefully "ethnic" and fat-shaming, but those interpretations are so far afield from the movie's overall themes, I wouldn't want to dismiss the movie over that.

Anyway, it's totally sort of a Christmas movie if you're looking for one!

HOME
Roku

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022)

Son #1 is home from college and this is obviously something we must watch together so we popped it on and:

He doesn't know what he was expecting, but the movie demolished his expectations.

I felt freer to laugh this second time because I wasn't afraid of missing anything "important." And it was absolutely entertaining the second time.

I still want to know if anyone's interviewed Madonna yet.

HOME
our dvd

Elf (2003)

I made an effort to look at parts of the frame the director's not aiming me at and thus found lots of delightful details I don't recall from previous viewings.

Although when Zooey Deschanel is on screen, I just watch Zooey Deschanel. I find her a marvel.

HOME
Disney+

The Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special (2022)

It was a pleasant enough watch. Terrific soundtrack. Although when I say soundtrack I do not mean score, so this disappoints. I might've bought the soundtrack. But I guess I can look up the songs I don't already own one by one.

HOME
our dvd

The Shop Around the Corner (1940)

Not difficult to understand why this is a classic. While it's barely Christmasy, it does take place at Christmas and that means you've an excuse to revisit a favorite. Isn't that 90% of Die Hard rewatches?

Anyway, all I really knew is the basic concept and that You've Got Mail (which I haven't seen) is based on it. And the way it plays with point of view and dramatic irony surprised me. Is it gentle? Is it cruel? Who is the butt of this joke? Anyone? Or is the movie kinder than that?

It's a fair question. Just as our lovers should ask which version of themselves—or the other—is real. Should they be in love?

We're at the end of a depression and staring war in the face. It's dangerous to be vulnerable. It's dangerous to let down your guard, to love.

Take the chance.

HOME
Hoopla

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

Note: there's a cool poster I could have chosen, but this film does not deserve it. Instead, this film absolutely lives up to its billing as one of the worst films ever made. From putting the ape before the horse to the sleigh's magical powers to the overlong interstitial Jack and the Beanstalk to the regular naps Santa takes to the weird choice of freezeframes and slowmotion to the lousy dubbing and foleywork, everything about Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny is awful. I mean—who the heck even is the Ice Cream Bunny??? The film has no idea. It just seemed like something kids would like.

Highly recommended for sons one and two. Highly not recommended for son three and wife.

HOME
library dvd

Batman Returns (1992)

I wanted to watch this right after Batman back in April, but that didn't happen. Waiting for Christmas wasn't just a bad idea, however. Although college son, having seen The Batman, is deep into realism/gritty Batman. The other two are more willing to accept a cartoony archetype. And we get a lot of that here. Nevermind our pastiche of 1930s/50s/80s America, the Penguin and the Catwoman are pushing their fingers directly into your jungian unconscious. And it works, in my opinion.

If I remember correctly, I last saw Batman Returns on tv by myself late at night with the volume down after my family was asleep. NOt sure if I was still in high school or not. Not ideal circumstances but I did think the movie was good.

I still think so. I hope our next Batman reboot leans more into a cartoony irreality.

Shoutout to Stan Winston whose penguins appear to be a mix of real penguins, puppets, people in penguin suits, and, in a couple shots, pre-Jurassic Park CG—which movie came out only a year later. Good stuff, Stan.

I think we'll go to 1966 next, but the big question is, do I revisit Batman Forever? Even at the time I didn't think it was great, but it did have a powerful immediate effect on my psyche. I felt like a superhero in the hours after watching that movie. And Nicole Kidman did the single sexiest thing I've ever seen on celluloid. I will not have that experience again. And for the last almost thirty years, I've left that experience alone.

I think I'll keep leaving it alone. But, in the unlikely event the kids ask, am I up for it?

HOME
YouTube

Barber Westchester (2022)

Multiple animation styles. Lots of chaos. The number of fingers a character has at any given time seems to hold some symbolic meaning. Science and religion. Both are fundamentalist cults. Lots of unclear queer subtext.

You know: indie animation.

HOME
library dvd

Mirai (2018)

"Mirai" means future, and the title in Japanese means Future of the Future, Mirai being the baby's name and sometimes the little boy sees a future version of her. Which is probably a confusing introduction.

(In French it's Mirai My Little Sister and in Korean it's Future's Mirai.)

Better to say a little boy gets a baby sister and has a hard time adapting. He has daydreams or maybe magical experiences in which he meets his sister as a teenager and his dog as a man and his deceased great-grandfather as a young man and his mother at his current age, et cetera. The film builds, each magical sequence allowing him to grow, and the final sequence taking both siblings through their family tree.

This is one of the greatest films that is, simply, about family I can remember seeing. I suppose it's also "about" other things but, ultimately, family is the subject of this film. The one you live with and generations that brought you here.

I found it funny and strange and intensely moving.

HOME
Hoopla

The Compleat Al (1985)

Like many an anthology film, although this is entertaining from top to bottom, it can still drag because the whole doesn't always cohere.

That said, it's loaded with funny bits, including one of the best . . . I guess it's a wipe? ever put on screen:

And on toppa all that, the kids have now seen all of Al's feature-length work. So that's one bitta parenting compleat.

HOME
Hooola

A Unicorn for Christmas (2021)

It would take the runlength of this film to note down everything that was dumb about it. Because it was all dumb. All of it.

But my sixyearold daughter was absolutely delighted every moment. She jumped for joy and grabbed me in excitement. There were occasional squeals and gasps of wonder.

And, let me ask you: For which of us was this movie made?

HOME
library dvd

The Batman (2022)

He had to go to college and return, but son #1 finally persuaded his brothers and his mother to watch his favorite Batman movie. It was good last time; it's good this time.

That said, I really don't care who the bad guy in the sequel will be. Riddler and Joker? Hush? I don't care. What I'm interested in is that this Batman learned the value of family in his first movie. And so I want the Batfamily. I'm not saying that kid needs to become a Robin, but this Batman needs to negotiate positive human relationships. And not just Alfred and a rotating love interest. Family. That's what I want to see.

Someone tell Matt Reeves.

In other news, I'd forgotten how much this movie made me want to watch David Fincher films. Specifically Zodiac (which I've never seen) but also Se7en (which I've never seen through). But this is not a time of life where we can put the kids to bed AND THEN watch a movie. Which makes David Fincher films . . . difficult.

(The Batman didn't make me feel this way, but I'm also feeling absurd that I have not seen The Social Network, The Game, or rewatched Fight Club in maybe two decades.)

HOME
Disney+

Moana (2016)

I love it when the whole corporate process really comes together and creates something intricate and beautiful.

Also, I finally (finally!) remembered to look up kakamora and this is what I learned. Intriguing stuff!

HOME
our dvd

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

Beleive it or not, I have never seen this movie before. I was scared to watch it as a kid (monkey brains! hearts torn from chests!) and that was probably right in 1984. That imagery would have been nightmare fodder at the time.

A few thoughts:

1. This is a proudly dumb movie. It's excellent fun and adventure, but it aspires to nothing more.

2. The British Raj gets to be the heroes. Yay?

3. The sexual chemistry makes sense, but it's a darn good thing that character didn't come back. There's no future in this relationship.

4. Bummer Short Round never returned, though.

5. This might be peak Harrison Ford. You'll be interested to know his physique, in the credits, is attributed to Body by Jake.

6. This movie is for kids. Kids a little braver than I was, but in a real way, Short Round's the easiest character to fantasize being. This is a deliberate choice the movie makes.

7. Had it been a one-off, it would be forgotten now, but as part of the franchise, huzzah!

8. Hard to see why people were so mad about the nuclear fridge. Their fall from the airplane was comparable.

Previous films watched

MOST RECENT POST

2022
jan feb mar apr may
jun july aug sep oct nov dec

2021
jan feb mar apr may
jun jul aug sep oct nov dec

2020

jan feb mar apr may
jun jul aug sep oct nov dec

2019

jan feb mar apr may
jun jul aug sep oct nov dec

2018

jan feb mar apr may
jun jul&aug sep oct nov dec

2017

qu1 qu2 qu3 qu4

2017

qu1 qu2 qu3 qu4

2016

qu1 qu2 qu3 qu4

2015

qu1 qu2 qu3 qu4

2014

qu1 qu2 qu3 qu4

2013

th1 th2 th3

Comic Con miscellany

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I don't have it in me to put together a real post today, but Comic Con was, in blog years, about a century ago, so if I'm going to say more I need to get cracking.

Jerry Robinson, the creator of the Joker, thought Superman would never last. He also named Robin Robin to keep him human.

Gary Gianni recommends the following movies: Chandu the Magician, The Black Pirate, The Orphanage, A Cottage on Dartmoor and Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages which Mike Mignolia also loves. (One of these films is not like the others.)

I learned from Lewis Trondheim that 'good mayonnaise' is French for 'good chemistry'.

From the new Spike and Mike show, may I recommend the following?

i would love to show more but these are the only ones i can find online

Peter Jackson says imagination is a muscle. And he exercises his with Goodfellas and Casino. I'm guessing he's more excited than I am for Shutter Island.

I've been meaning to write about the EW-sponsored panel featuring Peter Jackson and James Cameron. I was impressed by the culture of giving that they represented. Cameron did, yes, some, but really I'm talking about Jackson here, how he picked up an unknown to direct Halo and how he gave a very thoughtful answer to a ten-year-old aspiring filmmaker. Peter Jackson really represents the best filmmaking has to offer, as far as human beings are concerned. (Definitely follow the link if you want to see the crazy guy.)

The Star Wars Spectacular panel was the most hideously boring thing at the Con. Everything was heavily scripted and painfully uninteresting. At least the Clone Wars cast reading showed some spunk. The voice actors were a little less containable. Good for them.

This movie Legion? Looks stupid. And it doesn't help that writer/director, when asked about the film, can only answer, "It's angels with machine guns! How cool is that? Angels with machine guns." You can plan on skipping this one.

(The actor playing the angel said, regarding holding two machine guns and emptying them out, "I was in the Royal Shakespeare Company, but this is why I wanted to be an actor.")

District 9 on the other hand looks really really good. A couple of the guys I was staying with got in to see the whole thing and wouldn't shut up about how great it was. I saw probably ten or fifteen minutes and you're lucky I can still shut up about it.



(Sorry for the crap up front --- the official version has disallowed embedding. Disallowing embedding of trailers, stupidest thing ever? Discuss.)

The script for D9 was just an outline and the actors were unscripted. The lead actor had no professional acting experience. But all this plays into the documentary feel.

You can watch the short film it's based on here.

Here's the original short 9 is based on:

I saw an extended clip from this as well and it looks fun. I don't have much else to say other than, Hey! Stop asking the actors questions! And you don't need to tell Tim Burton he's great!

Although speaking of Tim Burton, he was like Peter Jackson when it came to the director of 9, Shane Acker. Every time a question was directed at him, he would either give a worthless answer (if the question was purely for him) or gently push it over to Acker. He took none of the glory to himself. I thought that was marvelous.

Disney is going to start making shorts again. One though was expanded and will appear this December as a Christmas special on ABC. It's called Prep & Landing and I saw the opening sequence and I will definitely be tuning in.

Although, speaking of Santa variants....

I saw Bill Plympton's Santa: The Fascist Years twice. It's pretty good but the most amazing thing is this: he animated it in four days. How is that possible?

I also saw the newest entry in his Dog series. And I think "Horn Dog" might be the best since the first.

And that's probably enough for one post, don't you think? More next week. (Next time, if there is a next time, I should definitely bring internet along with me so I can post as I go....)