2024-12-15

I'm just grateful no students have discovered these....

 

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As part of the class I teach high-school seniors, they each, at some point in the semester, share two poems from the book by different authors. They talk to their classmates about each poem separately, then make some comparisons. It’s a low-stakes/high-reward assignment.

It’s wild to me, given that the Norton has 1,828 poems in it, that I tend to largely see the same poems, year after year. By this point it’s pretty rare that someone covers a poem I haven’t seen before—and some poems (I’m lookin at you, “Window”) can’t seem to escape multiple attentions over the course of the year.

(Props to the young scholar who brought Witter Bynner to light for the first time ever today!)

One poem that shows up probably every other year by someone who wants to be daring but still safe (incidentally, this poem is also included in probably a third of the poetry journals, another Norton-based assignment), is “I Have Gentle Cock.” It’s about a rooster. But it sounds like it’s about a penis. Or: It’s about a penis. But it sounds like it’s about a rooster. Those are the two main interpretations shared of “Cock.”

(In the journals, I also get a bunch of “To moderns ears it sounds dirty but people didn’t about sex back then.” To which I say: “Wrong.”)

Anyway, after the presentations today, I left my book open to the last shared poem. When I sat back down, I read a poem on the adjacent page and OH MY but am I glad no student has ever presented on this one! Perhaps it’s never happened because this poem (and the other I’ll be sharing) is a bit longer. Perhaps because it (and the other I’ll be sharing) does not have an exciting title. Perhaps it is dumb luck? Or perhaps whatever mysterious force that keeps me hearing about “Grass” and “The Shout” but never “Adonais” or “The Mower Against Gardens” (not so mysterious, perhaps, in the case of these four) is just at it again.

And this is where I feel I ought to mention that while, in public spaces such as where you read these words today, I have often written about sex (see the LDS Eros series on Thutopia), and while my creative work also has interest in sex (see my most recent publication), I’m now about to take us to a very horny seventeenth century and, well, I did say I’m very glad my high schoolers have not found these. Even in the Bay Area, I can imagine this leading a parent to the Board of Education.

You sticking around?

Okay.

Let’s go.

The two poems were originally published in a collection of John Wilmot’s poems. It wasn’t until later that the second was correctly attributed to Aphra Behn.

But they both—and I cannot make this too clear—are very horny writers. Words will appear herein that have never appeared on my blog/newsletter before and may never appear herein again.

You’re sure about this?

Because the poems first appeared together they’ve been often paired ever sense. But they also share a topic: premature ejaculation and the shamefulness thereof.

(It’s not too late to leave.)

We’ll start with Wilmot’s:

The Imperfect Enjoyment

Naked she lay, clasped in my longing arms,
I filled with love, and she all over charms;
Both equally inspired with eager fire,
Melting through kindness, flaming in desire.
With arms, legs, lips close clinging to embrace,
She clips me to her breast, and sucks me to her face.
Her nimble tongue, love’s lesser lightning, played
Within my mouth, and to my thoughts conveyed
Swift orders that I should prepare to throw
The all-dissolving thunderbolt below.
My fluttering soul, sprung with the pointed kiss,
Hangs hovering o’er her balmy brinks of bliss.
But whilst her busy hand would guide that part
Which should convey my soul up to her heart,
In liquid raptures I dissolve all o’er,
Melt into sperm, and spend at every pore.
A touch from any part of her had done ’t:
Her hand, her foot, her very look's a cunt.
Smiling, she chides in a kind murmuring noise,
And from her body wipes the clammy joys,
When, with a thousand kisses wandering o’er
My panting bosom, “Is there then no more?”
She cries. “All this to love and rapture’s due;
Must we not pay a debt to pleasure too?”
But I, the most forlorn, lost man alive,
To show my wished obedience vainly strive:
I sigh, alas! and kiss, but cannot swive.
Eager desires confound my first intent,
Succeeding shame does more success prevent,
And rage at last confirms me impotent.
Ev’n her fair hand, which might bid heat return
To frozen age, and make cold hermits burn,
Applied to my dear cinder, warms no more
Than fire to ashes could past flames restore.
Trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry,
A wishing, weak, unmoving lump I lie.
This dart of love, whose piercing point, oft tried,
With virgin blood ten thousand maids has dyed,
Which nature still directed with such art
That it through every cunt reached every heart—
Stiffly resolved, ’twould carelessly invade
Woman or man, nor ought its fury stayed:
Where’er it pierced, a cunt it found or made—
Now languid lies in this unhappy hour,
Shrunk up and sapless like a withered flower.
Thou treacherous, base deserter of my flame,
False to my passion, fatal to my fame,
Through what mistaken magic dost thou prove
So true to lewdness, so untrue to love?
What oyster-cinder-beggar-common whore
Didst thou e’er fail in all thy life before?
When vice, disease, and scandal lead the way,
With what officious haste doest thou obey!
Like a rude, roaring hector in the streets
Who scuffles, cuffs, and justles all he meets,
But if his king or country claim his aid,
The rakehell villain shrinks and hides his head;
Ev’n so thy brutal valor is displayed,
Breaks every stew, does each small whore invade,
But when great Love the onset does command,
Base recreant to thy prince, thou dar’st not stand.
Worst part of me, and henceforth hated most,
Through all the town a common fucking post,
On whom each whore relieves her tingling cunt
As hogs on gates do rub themselves and grunt,
Mayst thou to ravenous chancres be a prey,
Or in consuming weepings waste away;
May strangury and stone thy days attend;
May’st thou never piss, who didst refuse to spend
When all my joys did on false thee depend.
And may ten thousand abler pricks agree
To do the wronged Corinna right for thee.

I decided to give you the entire thing because…because I didn’t want to excerpt anything and make you think I was being deliberately crass in my excisions.

The first observation I’ll make is that for someone who’s been labeled a pornographer for centuries, the earl writes a great poem. This is excellent work. His choice of detail (“Her nimble tongue…Within my mouth” [etc] is exceeding alive) and his…I want to say mounting action but I also really really do not want to say that…brings the scene to life. The speaker ends up being a pretty gross womanizer but there is a sort of beauty that comes from his keen regret that this failing happens while he is with someone he really truly loves.

Or so he says. I rather suspect he often says much the same to many the lady.

I also love how the poem devolves from storytelling to angry apostrophe directed at his penis. If we are to have sexy poems in the world, let them be beautifully written.

The poem’s sexiness is at one with its theme as well. The rising heat of the poem slams into the speaker’s sexual failure. And since that heat was getting passed on to the reader, his frustration becomes our own.

Anyway, solid work.

(Sorry about the adjective. Hope that doesn’t hurt your already tender feelings.)

On to Ms Behn!

The Disappointment

1
ONE Day the Amarous Lisander,
By an impatient Passion sway'd,
Surpris'd fair Cloris, that lov'd Maid,
Who cou'd defend her self no longer ;
All things did with his Love conspire,
The gilded Planet of the Day,
In his gay Chariot, drawn by Fire,
Was now descending to the Sea,
And left no Light to guide the World,
But what from Cloris brighter Eyes was hurl'd.

2
In alone Thicket, made for Love,
Silent as yielding Maids Consent,
She with a charming Languishment
Permits his force, yet gently strove ?
Her Hands his Bosom softly meet,
But not to put him back design'd,
Rather to draw him on inclin'd,
Whilst he lay trembling at her feet;
Resistance 'tis to late to shew,
She wants the pow'r to say — Ah! what do you do?

3
Her bright Eyes sweat, and yet Severe,
Where Love and Shame confus'dly strive,
Fresh Vigor to Lisander give :
And whispring softly in his Ear,
She Cry'd — Cease — cease — your vain desire,
Or I'll call out — What wou'd you do ?
My dearer Honour, ev'n to you,
I cannot — must not give — retire,
Or take that Life whose chiefest part
I gave you with the Conquest of my Heart.

4
But he as much unus'd to fear,
As he was capable of Love,
The blessed Minutes to improve,
Kisses her Lips, her Neck, her Hair !
Each touch her new Desires alarms !
His burning trembling Hand he prest
Upon her melting Snowy Breast,
While she lay panting in his Arms !
All her unguarded Beauties lie
The Spoils and Trophies of the Enemy.

5
And now, without Respect or Fear,
He seeks the Objects of his Vows ;
His Love no Modesty allows :
By swift degrees advancing where
His daring Hand that Alter seiz'd,
Where Gods of Love do Sacrifice ;
That awful Throne, that Paradise,
Where Rage is tam'd, and Anger pleas'd ;
That Living Fountain, from whose Trills
The melted Soul in liquid Drops distils.

6
Her balmy Lips encountring his,
Their Bodies as their Souls are joyn'd,
Where both in Transports were confin'd,
Extend themselves upon the Moss.
Cloris half dead and breathless lay,
Her Eyes appear'd like humid Light,
Such as divides the Day and Night;
Or falling Stars, whose Fires decay ;
And now no signs of Life she shows,
But what in short-breath-sighs returns and goes.

7
He saw how at her length she lay,
He saw her rising Bosom bare,
Her loose thin Robes, through which appear
A Shape design'd for Love and Play;
Abandon'd by her Pride and Shame,
She do's her softest Sweets dispence,
Offring her Virgin-Innocence
A Victim to Loves Sacred Flame ;
Whilst th' or'e ravish'd Shepherd lies,
Unable to perform the Sacrifice.

8
Ready to taste a Thousand Joys,
Thee too transported hapless Swain,
Found the vast Pleasure turn'd to Pain :
Pleasure, which too much Love destroys !
The willing Garments by he laid,
And Heav'n all open to his view ;
Mad to possess, himself he threw
On the defenceless lovely Maid.
But oh ! what envious Gods conspire
To snatch his Pow'r, yet leave him the Desire !

9
Natures support, without whose Aid
She can no humane Being give,
It self now wants the Art to live,
Faintness it slacken'd Nerves invade :
In vain th' enraged Youth assaid
To call his fleeting Vigour back,
No Motion 'twill from Motion take,
Excess of Love his Love betray'd ;
In vain he Toils, in vain Commands,
Th' Insensible fell weeping in his Hands.

10
In this so Am'rous cruel strife,
Where Love and Fate were too severe,
The poor Lisander in Despair,
Renounc'd his Reason with his Life.
Now all the Brisk and Active Fire
That should the Nobler Part inflame,
Unactive Frigid, Dull became,
And left no Spark for new Desire ;
Not all her Naked Charms cou'd move,
Or calm that Rage that had debauch'd his Love.

11
Cloris returning from the Trance
Which
Love and soft Desire had bred,
Her tim'rous Hand she gently laid,
Or guided by Design or Chance,
Upon that Fabulous Priapus,
That Potent God (as Poets feign.)
But never did young Shepherdess
(Gath'ring of Fern upon the Plain)
More nimbly draw her Fingers back,
Finding beneath the Verdant Leaves a Snake.

12
Then Cloris her fair Hand withdrew,
Finding that God of her Desires
Disarm'd of all his pow'rful Fires,
And cold as Flow'rs bath'd in the Morning-dew.
Who can the Nymphs Confusion guess ?
The Blood forsook the kinder place,
And strew'd with Blushes all her Face,
Which both Disdain and Shame express ;
And from Lisanders Arms she fled,
Leaving him fainting on the gloomy Bed.

13
Like Lightning through the Grove she hies,
Or Daphne from the Delphick God ;
No Print upon the Grassie Road
She leaves, t' instruct pursuing Eyes.
The Wind that wanton'd in her Hair,
And with her ruffled Garments plaid,
Discover'd in the flying Maid
All that the Gods e're made of Fair.
So Venus, when her Love was Slain,
With fear and haste flew o're the fatal Plain.

14
The Nymphs resentments, none but I
Can well imagin, and Condole ;
But none can guess Lisander's Soul,
But those who sway'd his Destiny :
His silent Griefs, swell up to Storms,
And not one God, his Fury spares,
He Curst his Birth, his Fate, his Stars,
But more the Shepherdesses Charms ;
Whose soft bewitching influence,
Had Damn'd him to the Hell of Impotence.

We’ve moved from the first person to a third-person narrator in this poem. Again we have a womanizer as our male lead but instead of consensual sex with his beloved, he’s overcome with passion for a resistant virgin. It seems he has some skill of seduction however because, for all the scene’s rapiness, she eventually moves from trying to get away to passive presence to open readiness for consummation.

Only, once again, the penis fails to come through for our lovers.

The first poem’s rage against priapic failure is a bit safer as the rage’s source is largely the man himself (his lover, by contrast, remains kind and hopeful as she cleans “the clammy joys” from her body). This second poem, however, is apt to give male reader fewer chuckles because the virgin’s disappointment and shame is multiplied against the narrator’s rage and disgust against the terrible Lysander.

You had one job, manbody. One job.

The stories share other similarities as well. For instance, although our modern sensibilities revolt at Lysander’s approach, the narrator seems rather ambivalent about his forcefulness. He himself is not that important. He’s annpying this poor girl, sure, but he doesn’t really matter until she has decided that she wants more, please, and all of it. And then he fails her. And upon failing Cloris? Then the narrator has very strong opinions indeed. You’re gonna take this girl? rip off her clothes? waste all her time? and then not finish her off? Are you freaking kidding me, Lysander? What is wrong with you?

(Incidentally, I know Cloris is a traditional name for a woman in pastoral poetry, but its punny echo of a particular sex organ deserves a nod.)

Anyway, both these poems are successful at building up one set of emotions and then abruptly jerking us into another set of emotions. And so even though I don’t subscribe to either’s moral judgments, and even though they don’t end where their first halves promised, I think both are enormously successful at being poems about sex and about what what sex is means to humans who engage in it.

A friend of my students, Professor Foster, complains, “ How many options do you [the writer of a sex scene] have? You can describe the business clinically as if it were a do-it-yourself manual – insert tab A into slot B – but there are not that many tabs or slots, whether you use the Anglo-Saxon names or their Latinate alternatives. Frankly there just isn’t that much variety, with or without the Reddi-Wip, and besides, it’s been written in the mass of pornography ad nausea.“

Yes, that’s true, but pornography never stops coming because we never get tired of the tabs and slots, no matter how few their might be. And so artists who can work within the medium of the crass will always have a place in the firmament of filthy stars. Because humans need art to cover all aspects of life.

Just—maybe not until you’re old enough. Get some experience, kids, before hitting up our friends Wilmot and Behn.

And the rest of you—don’t expect anything nearly so dirty in these pages again for a long, long time.

(A natural reaction to the disappointing events just experienced.)

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Incidentally, it occurs to me that the poems may have struck me so hard today because I just finished a work of fiction which ends with a character hinting he may be worried about this very problem. Truly, the universe rhymes.

ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴘᴏᴇᴛʀʏ ғʀɪᴅᴀʏ


2024-12-11

New in 2024
(old news, judging by the calendar)

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By no means a massive year for me, but I’m pretty pleased with what came out, even if the total number of entries is just okay.

First, let’s mention the novella “The Price of Meat," published in Malice by Dragon Soul Press back in October (amazon). I’ve already written at length about this piece, so I’ll refrain from saying more now.

I have not already written about August’s “The Orgasmic Orchestra" (The Alien Buddha #3: The Final Trackamazon) because I’m waiting for its companion piece to arrive so I can write about them together. I think that will be in January? For now, I guess I can just say it’s exactly what it sounds like?

“The Hunger of Ghosts” was written for (and rejected by) a kickstarted anthology back in 2020, but finally found a home on its fourth trip out of the house in Ghostly from Lintusen Press in September (amazon, bookshop).

If you pay close attention, you may have caught this conversation I had with one of the other authors, a friend of mine. (Don’t miss her new MLB story!)


Mine is a story about haunted pens and it begins with this: My grandmama taught me something about craftsmen.

On to poetry!

• Filming the Gods at Ground Level (Triggerfish Critical Review in January) *read*
• Seven Short Monologues for Palm Sunday (Bay Area Council for Latter-day Saint Studies: Palm Sunday Musical Devotional in March) *read* *watch*
• Outlaw Diary (Defenestration in August 2024) *read*
• Homesteaders (Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought in Fall) *read*

“Monologues” was commissioned (thank you, BACLDSS), but the other three had been previously rejected, respectively, 8, 1, and 4 times. You might think the 8 is therefore the weaker poem. But that number’s a sign that I think it’s pretty good. Why else keep sending it out?

Of course, I may be wrong. Of all the things I know I should be skeptical about, my own opinions on my own poetry is quite a large one.

This year I was also on the Mormons Who Are Making Comics panel at San Diego Comic-Con International with Trevor Alvord, Camilla Stark, and Matt Page. Always fun to go to Comic-Con. And we always get a good crowd.

Accepted but not out yet, expect stories (“I Dreamed of Oil,” “A Mouse’s Tale,” and “Vomit Was Never the Problem”), poems “(better sleep in the cold)” and “(atonement poem)”, and some scholarship “Allusions to Restoration Scripture in the Novels of Nephi Anderson (with Jacob Ahana-Laba). Fingers crossed they all come to life in 2025.

</selfaggrandizement>

2024-12-08

Teaching Primary kids the D&C (a svithe)

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I was asked to run a teacher training for the Primary teachers today. This is the outline I prepared for our discussion.

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When I was a kid, if you went to Church every Sunday, you got 96 hours of Primary every year.

Kids today get 48.

Two days a year instead of four.

And that impacts what we're able to accomplish in Primary.

The way I see it, Primary has two main purposes. The first is to teach kids about Jesus. Prepare them for baptism and other ordinances, explain the atonement, expound the doctrines. That's what the manual is about. This is important stuff. The most important.

But the other purpose is also important. The other purpose of Primary is to teach kids how to be Latter-day Saints. What it means to be part of this community. How to participate; how to throw in; how to mourn with those who mourn; how to show up and accept a calling; how to serve with our heart, might, mind, and strength—to know how it FEELS to be a Latter-day Saint.

There’s a story about the young Joseph F. Smith I think about a lot. Keep in mind, when he was a kid, his father and uncle were murdered by a mob, and his entire community had been driven across a continent. So he’d seen some stuff.

[ask someone to read]

Joseph F. Smith was 19 when he returned from his mission in Hawaii. As he traveled from California to his home in Utah, he was confronted one morning by a “wagonload of profane drunks … , shooting their guns, yelling wildly, and cursing the Mormons.” One of the drunks, “waving a pistol,” came toward him. Although Joseph “was terrified, he felt it would be unwise and useless to run … , and so he advanced toward the gunman as if he found nothing out of the ordinary in his conduct. ‘Are you a [bleeeep] Mormon?’ the stranger demanded. Mustering all the composure he could, Joseph answered evenly while looking the man straight in the eye, ‘Yes, siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.’ Almost stunned by this wholly unexpected response, the gunman stopped, dropped his hands to his sides, and, after looking incredulously at Joseph for a moment, said in a subdued tone, ‘Well, you are the [bleeeep] pleasantest man I ever met! Shake. I am glad to see a fellow stand for his convictions.’ So saying, he turned and walked away.”

While the idea of being a “true blue Mormon” has become an internet thing (with all that that implies), what would it look like, in your opinion, for our kids to be “dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through” by the time they enter adulthood?

[discuss]

I read something recently that said “the D&C is often neglected among the Saints as far as serious devotional study goes,” and I have to admit: I felt really accused by that. The D&C itself, the actual scripture, is mostly just a bunch of boring Thus sayeth the Lords. Which I know is a terrible thing to say, but in the Bible and the Book of Mormon and the Pearl of Great Price, the revelations are integrated into the stories. You see Jesus climb a mountain and then he gives us doctrine. You watch Alma travel from town to town, giving his variations on a theme, and different peoples react in different ways.

All that is left out of the Doctrine & Covenants. And I think it’s our job, as teachers, to add it back in.

It’s especially important this year because while last year Nephi and Abish and Moroni taught us how to be Christians, the people in this year’s stories will teach us how to be, specifically, Latter-day Saints.

And, as pointed out, we have half as much Primary to accomplish this task. So let’s tell the kids some stories! Emma cleaning the floorboards is just as important as God saying don’t smoking so you can run and not be weary. In fact, they are the same thing.

I have two main recommendations, but we don’t have a lot of time, so I hope they will work more as a place to start. There’s awesome stuff out there.

Both my recommendations come from the Church, which means you can access them for free online. They also both come in handydandy book form which, I mean—who doesn’t like carrying a nice book around? Books are real. Kids see you with a book (he editorialized) they can see what it is. They see you with a phone, well, then Snapchat and Candy Crush look exactly the same as the scriptures, right?

THING NUMBER ONE: Revelations in Context

[summarize]

THING NUMBER TWO: Saints (all the volumes—not just the first)

Like Revelations in Context, the first volume of Saints covers much of what’s happening as the Church is being formed and the Doctrine and Covenants is being built.

But don’t sleep on the rest of the volumes! Just because something didn’t happen in New York or Ohio or Missouri or Illinois doesn’t mean it can’t teach a useful lesson. Here’s a story I read in volume three that I really love:

Elder Wells spoke German well, and Elder Pratt spoke fluent Spanish. But Elder Ballard spoke neither language and seemed overwhelmed by his new surroundings. Everything about Buenos Aires—the language, the warm December air, the stars in the southern sky—was unfamiliar to him.

The missionaries spent their first days in Argentina visiting with the German Saints…. [On] December 12, 1925, they baptized Anna [and] Jacob [Kullick] and the couple’s sixteen-year-old daughter, Herta….

Once the South American Mission was officially open, the missionaries and members worked together to share the gospel with their neighbors. Herta Kullick, who knew Spanish, sometimes shared the gospel with her Spanish-speaking friends at school….

In January 1926, Elder Wells returned home because of ill health, so Herta became responsible for helping Elder Ballard and Elder Pratt communicate with the German Saints. Elder Ballard would prepare a message for the Saints in English, Elder Pratt would translate it into Spanish, and Herta would translate the Spanish into German. It was a complicated—and sometimes very funny—process, but the missionaries were grateful for her help.

During their meetings, the missionaries often presented slideshows using a projector they brought from the United States. Thinking her friends might take an interest, Herta invited them to attend the shows. Soon, nearly a hundred young people—most of them Spanish speakers—were appearing at the Saints’ rented meetinghouse, and the elders organized a Sunday school to teach them.

Parents of the youth, curious about what their children were learning, started meeting with the Saints as well. At one meeting, more than two hundred people crowded the meetinghouse to see slides about the Restoration and hear Elder Pratt teach in their native language.

(Incidentally, there are now 484 wards in Argentina.)

How could this story be used in Primary?

[discuss]

(Before we move on, let me mention that the Church historians have very strict rules in writing Saints. They can’t say a December rain was cold unless that have a letter or journal saying the December rain was actually cold. Also, it’s written at the same difficulty level as popular fiction—and honestly, it’s as fun to read—so really anyone—including kids in senior Primary—can read and enjoy it.)

Finally, surprise, THING NUMBER THREE.

Don’t forget, as you teach the restored gospel, that you yourself are a Latter-day Saint. Stories from your own life—including childhood—are relevant and useful and twice as interesting as stuff from a thousand years ago. What stories do you have about the Word of Wisdom or the Three Degrees of Glory or the sacrament that you can share? Because you do have them. They’re inside you. Somewhere.

The first Come, Follow Me lesson of 2025 suggests this question: What does the phrase “the heavens are open” mean to you?

For our last couple minutes, lets answer that question. And let’s generate some stories from each of our lives that we can share with the kids on our first week with the D&C.

As we head into that, let me just say that I love Church history—I love the men and women and children that started this journey we continue today. And I promise that as we bring their stories—and our stories—to the kids in our classes, they will feel the Spirit as they learn that being a Latter-day Saint is a really cool thing to be. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

[discuss]

---

2024-12-07

Gimme a 1! Gimme a 2! Gimme a 3!

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I'm with Roger Ebert. Just a work of art by what it is trying to be. Not against some other arbitrary standard unrelated to it's intentions.

With that in mind, Serial Killer gets an A-, Magic Pen a B, One Step Enough an A, Ether an A, and The Big Clock an A+. Even taking into account modern grade inflation, an excellent set of books!

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119) The Serial Killer's Guide to San Francisco by Michelle Chouinard, finished November 22

Funny how a book can pop into your life at just the right moment. For the book, I mean. I found this advance copy in a little free library and was charmed by the title and brought it home. A couple days later, the book I was carrying around wasn't in the right spot as I was leaving this house and this fresh arrival was easy to grab and so I did. Plenty of books in its position never get opened.

I like a lot of stuff about this book. I enjoyed spending time with the protagonist who is my own age and seems like a good person to know. She runs crime-themed tours in San Francisco and is getting along. Unfortunately, a serial killer who has popped up who is mimicking the murders her grandfather committed fifty years prior. You know how it goes.

In related news, her daughter's tuition source has disappeared and so to make money she has no choice but to start a podcast about the murders and to try and solve them before they get placed upon her or her daughter. You know how it goes.

Anyway, it's fun to read. I didn't know who the current killer was. And I was wrong about who the actual, nongrandfather killer of fifty years ago was, even though I was convinced I knew from early on. Unfortunately, I was misremembering a crucial detail.

Pretty sure that misremembering was my fault, but I can't be sure. This advance copy is riddled with errors—more than I'd expect for a book this far along. And the some elements—most notably the podcast recording—are so awkward I can't help but wonder if they were added in a last-minute rewrite. And other parts—like the hacking—seem more like plot convenience than reality.

The contemporary mystery ended so near the end I was figuring the old-time mystery and the flashing-arrow romantic option would have to wait for the sequel. But no. They wrapped it all up in the last dozen pages.

I was entertained. This is pure candy-bar fiction but it has the occasional deeper pleasures of all good entertainment. If it's got peanuts, it's a Snickers. And it's a Snickers.

Don't love the cover though. I always felt like oppressive gender normers were out for me, carrying it around. And yeah, middle-aged single mom solving crimes as she makes a true-crime podcast could not be a more female-coded novel in 2024, but still. I read it. And, you know, I'm, like, super manly and stuff. So there.

probably three weeks


120) Magic Pen by Dylan Horrocks, finished November 23

I think it's worth starting by clearly stating this graphic novel ends somewhere true and meaningful and in a significant point worth making. A finale that perhaps justifies the path that took us here. Because the story quite intentionally creates a series of pornographic events in its exploration of desires, the morality of desire, and the intersection/relationship of fantasy and reality. Sometimes it dwells longer than necessary on sexy green ladies and sometimes it lingers too long in philosophical hokum. Fewer nipples and less blathering would not hurt this book a bit.

Magic Pen is also autofiction. It's protagonists speaks at a symposium Horrocks spoke at and writes an autobiographical comic with the same title as Horrocks's.

And, in the end, is it any good? Even if I like the conclusion and if it's visually exciting, is it good?


Well, perhaps I should answer that by noting that although the book occasionally seemed vaguely familiar—like maybe I'd read a couple excerpts before—I did not know until finishing the autofiction paragraph above and finally looking around that, ah, I've read it before. And clearly it made very, very little impression. It appears I like it more this second time, but still: Doesn't add up to much of a recommendation.

three or four days


121) One Step Enough by Carla Kelly, finished November 28

This is the sequel to Kelly's My Lovely Vigil Keeping (thutopia, thubstack) which I adored and whose sequel I purchased a few weeks after finishing the first book. I likely would have purchased it sooner except I had not known there was a sequel.

It's quite a different sort of novel. The first is a romance. And although the outer world's story is of a tragedy that is pending from page one, this is a romance, and so the inner story is one of love and of choosing the right man among more than one excellent choice.

This one is different. Our heroes are married. And struggling to overcome the tragedies that have defined their lives thus far. Not just the massive one at the end of My Lovely Vigil Keeping but also the loss of her father and his wife and cetera and cetera and cetera. They have a lot of pain to overcome.

(Which gets to the one Actual Historical Character whose [nonlocal] appearance I did not love. I mean—I didn't mind his existence, but let us either recognize him or not. You don't need to later get a character to say his full name [Sigmund Freud] for the bit to work.)

The book is filled with crises and redemptions as two adults learn how to be married to one another. It's not easy.

The supporting cast is marvelous. I felt like Della came down harder on her uncle in this book. Which isn't to say he didn't deserve it, but to say it felt out of place thematically. For most of the book, Della's personal growth is manifest in her ability to love others with less baggage. Not so her uncle.

A volume of loose ends are tied up in this book. Some more conveniently than others but all believably. This is the sort of book where, by the end, you love all the characters. And regardless of how they came into the story, you're happy to know them. It is a work of joy.

probably a little over a year

 

122) Ether: A Brief Theological Introduction by Rosalynde Frandsen Welch, finished November 29

I fear I grow weary of this series, but Rosalynde's book is another winner. And if I was too tired to gain all I could have, I yet gained much.

For instance:

• Reread Ether 12 understanding the word after (where the grammar allows it) in the same way as in the phrase "after the manner of happiness" and see what you discover.

• Perhaps scripture lives only through our continuous retranslation. That is what makes a scriptural tradition.

• Scripture becomes scripture only when it is read with "the Lord [as he gives its reader] grace, that they might have charity" and thus discover scripture—and the Lord therein.

• Moroni models for us how to imagine Christ's love beyond the boundaries were, in our fallen way, naturally feel.

• The brother of Jared's shock at the finger of the Lord may well have been at how . . . normal it was. How not-mighty-seeming.

• The coming of Christ is happening over and over, every time a willing soul opens themselves up.

One to go!

about a month


123) The Big Clock by Kenneth Fearing, finished December 7

I'd never heard of this book.

I heard of the (first) movie based on it a few weeks ago on YouTube, but in my failed search to find the movie, I discovered my library had the book. I checked it out, not expecting to actually read it.

But it was the most convenient book at a moment I needed a book so I decided to carry it with me, read the first couple chapters, see what I thought.

I ended up having time to read a quarter or a third of this slim volume and let me tell you: so glad I did.

I did find the movie for free today (and I intend to watch it) but I'm glad I didn't on my first pass because this is one of the most tightly wound works of literature I've ever read.

In short, a man in put in charge of a manhunt. But he knows something no one else knows: their unidentified target—is himself.

The machinery winds its trap and he does what he can to get closer and closer without stepping inside.

It's excellent.

It's also an early mystery to take on multiple points of view. And it's got plenty of subtext for your book group.

I loved it.

a couple weeks or more



===========================================================

 2024 × 10 = Bette Davis being Bette Davis

001) Zita the Spacegirl by Ben Hatke, finished January 1
002) The Complete Peanuts: 1977 – 1978 by Charles M. Schulz , finished January 6
003) The Sandman: The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman et al, finished January 10
004) Zita the Spacegirl by Ben Hatke, finished January 17
005) Touched by Walter Mosley, finished January 19
006) Opposable Thumbs: How Siskel & Ebert Changed Movies Forever by Matt Singer, finished January 20
007) Evergreen Ape: The Story of Bigfoot by David Norman Lewis, finished January 24
008) What Falls Away by Karin Anderson, finished February 1
009) Peanuts Jubilee: My Life and Art with Charlie Brown and Others by Charles M. Schulz, finished February 3
010) Legends of Zita the Spacegirl by Ben Hatke, finished February 3

A few of my favorite things

011) Roaming by Jillian Tamaki and Mariko Tamaki, finished February 3
012) The Return of Zita the Spacegirl by Ben Hatke, February 9
013) Things in the Basement by Ben Hatke, February 10
014) A Charlie Brown Religion: Exploring the Spiritual Life and Work of Charles M. Schulz by Stephen J. Lind, finished February 10
015) 1st Nephi: A Brief Theological Introduction by Joseph M. Spencer, finished February 10
016) Dendo by Brittany Long Olsen, finished February 11
017) The Ten Winners of the 2023 Whiting Awards, finished February 12
018) The Peanuts Papers: Writers and Cartoonists on Charlie Brown, Snoopy & the Gang, and the Meaning of Life edited by Andrew Blaune, finished February 17
019) Do Not Disturb Any Further by John Callahan, finished February 17
020) Mighty Jack by Ben Hatke, finished circa February 19
021) 2nd Nephi: A Brief Theological Introduction by Terryl Givens, February 24

Let's start with the untimely deaths

022) The Life and Death of King John by William Shakespeare, finished February 28
022) Mighty Jack and the Goblin King by Ben Hatke, finished February 29
023) Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel García Márquez, finished March 4
024) Millay by Edna St. Vincent Millay, finished March
025, 026) The Life and Death of King John by William Shakespeare, finished March 6, 8
027) Murder Book by Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell, finished March 11
028) A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller, Jr.
029) The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett and Paul Kidby, finished March 15
030) Karen's Roller Skates by Ann M. Martin and Katy Farina, finished March 18

Four comics could hardly be more different

031) The Sandman: The Wake by Neil Gaiman et al, finished March 18
032) The World of Edena by Mœbius, finished March 23
033) Three Rocks: The Story of Ernie Bushmiller, the Man Who Created Nancy by Bill Griffith, finished March 23
034) Mighty Jack and Zita the Spacegirl by Ben Hatke, finished March 23

Jacob says be nice and read comics

035) Jacob: A Brief Theological Introduction by Deidre Nicole Green, finished March 24
036) Starter Villain by John Scalzi, finished March 27
037) Mister Invincible: Local Hero by Pascal Jousselin, finished March 30
038) The Toon Treasury of Classic Children's Comics, edited by Art Spiegelman and Francoise Mouly, finished March 30
039) Harley Quinn: Breaking Glass by Mariko Tamaki and Steve Pugh, finished April 1
040) The Super Hero's Journey by Patrick McDonnell, finished April 5 

Eleven books closer to death

041) The Stranger Beside Me: Updated Twentieth Anniversary Edition by Ann Rule, finished April 9
042) Huda F Are You? by Huda Fahmy, finished April 13
043) Enos, Jarom, Omni: a brief theological introduction by Sharon J. Harris, finished April 25
044) The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson, finished April 27 
045,046,049) The Mysteries by Bill Watterson and John Kascht, finished April 29, 30; May 3
047) The Children's Bach by Helen Garner, finished April 30
048) No. 1 with a Bullet by Sehman/Corona/Hickman/Wands, finished May 2
050) Over Seventy by P. G. Wodehouse, finished May 7
051) The Happy Shop by Brittany Long Olsen, finished May 16
052) Shades of Fear, finished May 21
053) Love Poems in Quarantine by Sarah Ruhl, finished May 21

And a vibrator makes it five dozen.....

054) The English Understand Wool by Helen DeWitt, finished May 25
055) Mosiah: A Brief Theological Introduction by James E. Faulconer, finished May 26
056) Lives of the Monster Dogs by Kirstin Bakis
057) 100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write: On Umbrellas and Sword Fights, Parades and Dogs, Fire Alarms, Children, and Theater by Sarah Ruhl, finished June 1
058) Our Malady: Lessons in Liberty from a Hospital Diary by Timothy Snyder, finished June 4
059) Dead Man's Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl, finished June 6
060) The Next Room, or the vibrator play by Sarah Ruhl, finished June 8

And with Ursula, 69

061) The Robber Bridegroom by Eudora Welty, finished June 10
062) Blood of the Virgin by Sammy Harkham, finished June 11
063) Mulysses by Øyvind Torseter, finished June 11
064) Between the River and the Bridge by Craig Ferguson, finished June 12
065) Cranky Chicken by Katherine Battersby, finished June 12
066) Mile End Kids Stories by Isabelle Arsenault, finished June 12
067) Tiny Titans: Field Trippin' by author, finished June 14
068) Brief Theological Introductions: Alma 1–29 by Kylie Nielson Turley, finished June 16
069) Words Are My Matter: Writings on Life and Books by Ursula K. Le Guin, finished June 16

Numbers 70 through 75

070) Better Living Through Criticism: How to Think about Art, Pleasure, Beauty, and Truth by A. O. Scott, finished June 17
071) Alice, Let's Eat by Calvin Trillin, finished June 20
072) My Lovely Vigil Keeping by Carla Kelly, finished June 21
073) Dreamsnake by Vonda N. McIntyre, finished July 9
074) The Red House Mystery by A. A. Milne, finished July 11
075) Best. Movie. Year. Ever. How 1999 Blew Up the Big Screen by Brian Raftery, finished July 16

Comics soup and rice

076) I Survived the Attacks of September 11, 2001 by Lauren Tarshis and Corey Egbert (et al), finished July 16
077) Skull Cat and the Curious Castle by Norman Shurtliff, finished July 18
078) Epileptic by David B., finished July 19
079) Amethyst: Princess of Gemworld by Shannon and Dean Hale, and Asiah Fulmore; finished July 30
080) Fadeaway by E. B. Vickers, finished August 2
081) You're Dad by Liz Climo, finished August 4
082) Meanwhile...A Comic Shop Anthology, finished August 5


Lobsters are vermin you eat

084) Lobster Is the Best Medicine by Liz Climo, finished August 7
085) Lunar New Year Love Story by Gene Luen Yang and Leuyen Pham, finished August 12
086) Alma 30–63: A Brief Theological Introduction by Mark A. Wrathall, finished August 18
087) The Pearl by John Steinbeck, August 20
088) The Woman in the Woods and Other North American Stories, finished August 20
089) Our Lady of Darkness by Fritz Leiber, finished August 23
090) Radiant Vermin by Philip Ridley 

Six books closer to the end of all things.

091) After the Blast by Zoe Kazan, finished August 30
092) The Nether by Jennifer Haley, finished August 31
093) Mr Burns, a post-electric play by Anne Washburn, finished August 31
094) The Voynich Manuscript ed. by Raymond Clemens, finished September 4
095) Brass Sun by Ian Edgington and I. N. J. Culbard, finished September 5
096) Termush by Sven Holm, finished September 7

Ally Condie kills it (+2 more)

097) The Unwedding by Ally Condie, finished September 13
098) Enola Holmes: The Case of the Missing Marquess by Nancy Springer, finished September 18
099) Helaman: A Brief Theological Introduction by Kimberly Matheson Berkey, finished September 21

The end of one century and the beginning of another

100) Motor Girl: Real Life by Terry Moore, finished October 2
101) The Winter's Tale by William Shakespeare, finished October 5

The If-Dagwood-Was-Mormon Sandwich

102) 3rd, 4th Nephi: A Brief Theological Introduction by Daniel Becerra, finished October 6
103) My Best Friend's Exorcism by Grady Hendrix, finished October 10
104) The Moviegoer by Walker Percy, finished October 11
105) Bed-Knob and Broomstick by Mary Norton, finished October 12
106) Psycho II by Robert Bloch, finished October 17
107) Osamu Tezuka's Original Astro Boy: 3 by Osamu Tezuka, finished October 19
108, 109, 110) The Winter's Tale by William Shakespeare, finished October 22, 22, 23
111) Here by Richard McGuire, finished October 23
112) Sequential Drawings: The New Yorker Series by Richard McGuire, finished October 25
113) Mormon: A Brief Theological Introduction by Adam S. Miller, finished October 26


Would you rather live on the Moon or in Rome?


114) Frankissstein by Jeanette Winterson, finished November 4
115) Motor Girl: No Man Left Behind by Terry Moore, finished November 4
116) Life on the Moon by Robert Grossman, finished November 10
117) The Griff by Christopher Moore and Ian Corson with Jennyson Rosero
118) Cato by Joseph Addison, finished November 16

2024-11-30

November? More like Yesvember!

.

I look over this list and I am pleased with what I see: Variety. New, old. Classic, crap. Sad, happy. Big, small.

Thank goodness for art.

.

HOME
Hulu
Over the Garden Wall (2014)

Probably the best it-was-all-a-dream ever made.

(Perhaps because that's not what it is at all?)








ELSEWHERE
our dvd
Won't You Be My Neighbor? (2018)

Ward Family Home Evening.

Spend some quality time with a quality person.









HOME
our dvd
Dave (1993)

Instead of watching election-night returns, we decided to watch a charming (and slightly naive) fantasy about, sure, a conspiracy theory come to life. But it's hopeful. And it believes in America.

Tomorrow we can discover is Americans also believe in America.

(Also, aren't you so glad Kevin Klein got this job and not Robin Williams?)


HOME
Tubi
Dancer in the Dark (2000)

If this movie were forty minutes shorter, I probably would have watched it twenty years ago. I wonder what I would have thought of it then?

Now, I guess I appreciate it as an experiment, but I can't say I liked it. And since Lars Von Trier is a tool, that's okay.

Apparently it wasn't, but it looks like it was shot on video.

I didn't hate it or love it to the extreme some critics did/do, but I do tend to agree with the one who said "if it had been made by an American and shot in a more conventional manner" it would not have been as well regarded.

Why is it that so many artistic movements are powered by a******s?

Anyway, I knew it was going to be sad but I had no idea that it was shaped like a proper tragedy whose slides into musical did not prevent slides into mawkish melodrama.

But that's just my opinion.

UPDATE: apparently is was shot on video (sort of)


HOME
Disney+
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

James Gunn is good at this stuff. And with just a little over two weeks left on our Hulu/Disney+ subscription, I definitely needed to catch up on the Guardians before we lost access. And it was great.

Not perfect, sure. I think the first Guardians film is still the best capsule expression of the aesthetic, but this one finds new depths and provides a satisfactory conclusion to the trilogy. Even if a couple things barely make sense (I'm looking at you, suddenly capable magical whistler).

After all, making sense isn't the point of a movie like this. The emotional and character beats need to work. Everything else is gravy. And this movie's macguffin is pure character and emotion. And everything else followed from there.

WHICH IS TO SAY, although I seem incapable of just admitting it, I had a wonderful time watching this movie. There.


HOME
Hulu
Anatomy of a Fall (2023)

I get why people liked it but not why they liked it so much.

I am curious where people land on her guilt. I appreciated the films insistence on ambiguity, but I felt she must have been innocent, even though numerous details lent themselves guiltward. Until, that is, the final bit of the trial, which, one imagines, sealed her innocence for the jury. But, to me, made it at last seem more likely that she was not.

The kid was terrific, incidentally.


ELSEWHERE
Prime Video
Minority Report (2002)

Fascinating how some parts of this movie still seem wildly futuristic (the freeway system), some seem right around the corner (personalized ads), and some seem like a past future we left long ago (computer memory).

Still: great movie. Everyone is fully, fully entertained.






ELSEWHERE
Prime Video
Strawberry Mansion (2021)

This was every bit as gloriously weird as I'd hoped but, much more importantly, it spurred fantastic classroom conversation. So many excellent observations and hypotheses. So much interesting speculation. Sure, not everyone liked it equally but liking a classroom movie is much less important than having something to say. And, sure, this is currently a more successfully conversative class than the Minority Report class, but while everyone loved Minority Report, it was nearly imposible to get a conversation going. Which is wild to me, but, if you're unused to the closereading of film, a movie you already know how to digest doesn't force you to suddenly become a closereader.

Anyway, from the opening sound design and first lines of dialogue, it was obvious this was from the makers of Sylvio (he even made a cameo in a closing crowd scene; though I suspect that actor wore a mask or two more over the course of the film).

Anyway, it's about a dream auditor and it's nonstop strange. Sad to have missed it in theaters but, well, 'twas the era.


ELSEWHERE
Hoopla
Alphaville (1965)

Okay. I wasn't expecting Star Wars or anything, but this is a strange movie. Speaking of Lucas, I'd say weirder than THX-1138. And I'd say it's a safe bet that Lucas was influenced by Alphaville. And Kubrik. And Nolan. And a host of others. Even though this is a science-fiction movie with almost nothing that "futurey" about its appearance, it has clearly passed its DNA out like Ghenghis Khan. I mean. Not in the same manner. Just the quantity. Moving on.

The sound design is bizarre and unpleasant. The editing is just weird. One fight scene was more like La Jetee with a punchline. Followed by a carchase that, although much shorter, not unworthy of comparison to Bullitt.

It's clearly pulling from the great (and still reasonably fresh) English-language dystopias of Brave New World and Nineteen Eighty-four, but it's not up to the same thing. What is it up do? No idea. This is not a once-and-understood sort of movie. So the real question is do I keep offering it to students as an option? I've been offering it maybe five years and this is the first time it was chosen. Not a huge hit. But intellectually stimulating—at least for some. We'll see how the writing turns out.


HOME
Disney+
The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

A few years ago I read an oral history of The Emperor's New Groove (I believe it was the earlier version of this) and decided I would have to actually see it. That all the people who like it may well be right. Since then, we've had a subscription or three to Disney+ and now, finally, three days before it expires this time, I finally put it on. Everyone joined me and we all loved it. It's hilarious. And fun. And the right length. And it still has an emotional thruline that actually functions in a human way. Pretty neat!


HOME
Disney+
Jim Gaffigan: The Skinny (2024)

I can't help but wonder if I could enjoy these jokes even half as much if I didn't know he was Christian or if I didn't know he loved his kids.









HOME
Hulu
Ava (2020)

Clearly this was meant to be Jessica Chastain's Bourne. And with a cast like her and Common and John Malkovitch and Geena Davis and Colin Ferrell—people, sure, appear in stinkers and the unremarkable but whom one is apt to see as an excellent sign of potential excellence, hopes might be high. But this is not good.

It wants to be. Ohhhhh, how it wants to be! It's got all sorts of serious ideas in there (parent/child, addiction in at least three stripes, crime, commerce, you name it), but it doesn't really know what to do with them. The plot turns feel Lifetimey, the dialogue is AI-level, the fights look oh so choreographed, the pacing and editing are dry and soulless. There's just nothing here.

I was listening to Tom Hanks talk recently and he was going on about how no one ever tries to make a mediocre move. No one really even thinks they are making one. But then the film exists and . . . usually, they're not masterpieces. I'm sure everyone signed on to this movie thinking alcoholic female action hero! This is going to be awesome!

So it goes.


ELSEWHERE
my parents' dvd
Top Dog (1995)

I never anticipated watchhing this movie but I was pulling dvds off my parents' shelves and I happened to notice that this one was written by Ron Swanson! Yeah, apparently, before he got into city government he made an effort at breaking into Hollywood. And kinda fun as it is, I have to say, he made the right choice leaving town.

Woof.




HOME
Prime Video
Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero (2016)

Son #3 found this via an Instagram click and asked that we watch it which is about the most proactive they ever get regarding stuff we do together so watch it we did.

I know Maz Jobrani entirely through his appearances on Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! so I can't really say how typical this is of his fare, but it was a fun movie. Lots of solid jokes. A little more prescient than one might like and also weirdly dated. Pre- and post-Trump is going to prove a major marker in American culture.

Anyway, it's a dumb wish-fulfillment comedy of the sort where the dumb guy gets everything he wants and also does not. His cousin's hot thought and I think he did finally figure that out. So that's something.

It is intersting that although their stories take place decades apart and they come from wildly different parts of Asia, Jimmy Vestvood and Sami Malik have such similar wardrobes.


THEATER
Cinemark Century Hilltop 16
Moana 2 (2024)

Moana 2 commits many typical sins of sequels; sins I, as a child of the 80s, am well aquainted with. Moana 2, for instance, decides to tell the same story as the original by adding a lot more characters without providing anyone sufficient motivation for this new adventure. From plot logic to character development, the movie is subpar.

HOWEVER, the animation is so beautiful and the story's movement is so activing and the sound is so enwrapping (even noting the mid songs and the music cues out of 80s television) that it's entirely possible to enjoy every minute. I imagine it will be a huge hit and most people won't even notice that it's, ah, kinda bad.

I mean—I had fun. You can too!

(although, ugh, did they really have to set up #3??)


HOME
YouTube
Christmas in July (1940)

Not the greatest Preston Sturges film but it's a delightful confection and at 67 minutes you can watch it twice in the time of some more recent comedy that sucks. So why the heck not?

I haven't fallen for an actress this hard in a long time. She was great from go, but when she cried for joy she turned into sommething special. She was huge, once, but this is the first movie of hers I've seen.

We'll all be forgotten someday.

Anyway, this is a COMEDY. It's the tailend of the Depression and a feller's tricked into believing he's won a huge radio contest. There are lots of small but wonderful gags and fabulous character acting, but over it all hangs this question: what happens when the balloon pops?

The rich run our lives. And, incidentally, we again have the sort of wealth disaprity that led to the Depression.

Oh: and this is a COMEDY. We laughed a lot. Try not to think about the world outside the film and you'll be fine.