Believe it or not, THIS COMB IS NOT NEW!!!!!
Yes, friends! That's right! It's not new!
I can hear you asking yourselves, "Thmazing, sir--how is this possible? I look and I look but I can see no evidence of built up grease and dead skin on the teeth. I don't mean to impinge your honor, Thmazing, sir, but I just don't think I can accept your statement.
Well, friends, I understand your amazement. I myself before just last week would have considered a comb as sparkling and clean as this to be factory-fresh or as impossible and a seventy-foot unicorn, but I can assure you on my good thname that this is not so!
It's true! While the government would have you believe that such clean-combness is impossible without the aid of nuclear-grade cleaning materials available only at your finer military bases, I can assure you this is not so. Friends, difficult as it is to believe, I have cleaned this comb without any harsh chemicals likely to destroy all carbon-based life!
Now, if you're like me, and I know you are, you yourself have struggled to clean a caked-up comb yourself. You tried Q-tips and forks and your own blessed fingernails, but all you did was take well organized grime and make it horrible to look at. Then you either threw the comb away or tried again. Hours later, you put back on the shelf and tried to forget its foulness so you could someday use it again.
Friends, no more! I am hear to save the day and your combs!
The miracle solution came to me as I was about to pack my comb for a trip. I saw the built-up filth on the comb teeth and had a revelation. This comb has teeth--what else has teeth? Why, I have teeth! And how do I clean between my teeth? Floss! So I grabbed some floss and....
Well, friends, the rest is history. History and big clumps of a couple years' worth of hair oil and decomposed skin cells falling in a flurry of furry clumps into my lap.
A miracle friends! And this is just one example of how thgenius of Thmazing's Household Hints can help you! Just send your order along with $29.95 (Only $59.95 for two!) in the comments section of this blogpost and Uncle Thmazing will be making your life easier in no time flat.
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But Uncle Thmazing, what are those who don't floss to do?ReplyDelete
Well, friend, I'm glad you asked. Those who don't floss have either the option to start or to live a life in filth and squalor. Your Uncle Thmazing won't take your options from you, but he does recommend taking a good hard look at your life and see if maybe you don't have a few areas where you might still improve.
And speaking of such things, your Uncle Thmazing has a booklet on that as well! Thmazing's Guide to You-Improvement is back in print after many long years of legendary unavailability and you're welcome to purchase your own copy for the low low Friends-of-Thmazing rate of an even twenty-four American dollars. Act now!
I saved enough time with "Thmazing's Household Hints" to get in a few extra hands of bridge with the girls before Bob gets home -- and he's none the wiser! Thanks, Thmazing!ReplyDelete
I don't get it... do Combs get dirty? Mine never have...ReplyDelete
Just had to laugh at the picture of the rows of teeth--both your comb and your smile.ReplyDelete
I don't have any combs to try out your tip on (brushes seem to work better longer, bushier hair), but of course I'll pass it on to friends and family.
I'm glad to hear it, friend. Uncle Thmazing won't rest till the world is the best place it can be.