Seriously not joking: Make me the American Taskmaster

.

I had never heard of Taskmaster before an article in The Atlantic a couple shows into the Jason Mantzoukas season (as we call it in America). I figured I’d watch a couple episodes and that would be it. After all, I don’t really watch tv. The only season of anything I’ve watched from beginning to end in the last couple years (other than, spoiler alert, Taskmaster) was the latest season of Andor. Not even Severence season two, even though I’m deeply excited about it, live in constant terror of it being spoiled, and know perfectly well it came out six months ago.

Anyway, other than occasional clips of Fool Us on YouTube, I never watch game shows or reality shows, so not for a moment did I think I would watch that entire season of Taskmaster as well as full seasons of Taskmaster New Zealand, Taskmaster Australia, and Taskmaster Junior.

And all those shows are good and have high highs, but the original Greg Davies remains the best of the Taskmasters and I think it’s for the reason the cognoscenti loves to go on about, a detail that I long dismissed as irrelevant but now suspect might be, in fact, exactly it: Greg Davies once worked as a teacher.

Presumably, from online chatter, he was a stereotypically strict and switch-wielding British schoolmaster—and who knows: maybe—but I can tell you that teaching certainly is excellent practice for finding clever and funny ways to offer criticism so people take their licks and willingly come back for more. I’ve spent approximately 20,000 hours in a classroom. I suppose thirty teenagers is similar chaos to five comedians.

You know, anytime I consume any kind of entertainment I think about where I would fit in as a participant. The obvious ones with Taskmaster are creating and completing the tasks, and the first many hours of watching I certainly imagined doing both. After all, both would be great fun and I believe I could do them well but, also, I don’t think I could do them better than any other reasonably talented individual. It’s come as a surprise to me, as I come near to finishing my fifth season of one Taskmaster or another to realize that my real strength would be in the role I had initially dismissed as the Taskmaster’s surface traits are being mean, bring rude, being cutting. But surface is the point. The episodes work because he is mean. The seasons work because you like the guy. In other words, it’s exactly like the first three weeks of AP Lit. At first I am scary and say awful truths about the quality of your writing you never wanted to hear. But I said them in a funny way that made it possible to keep listening. And then, by the end of the semester, you’re an English major.

Of course, my big disadvantage here is that I’ve never been a professional comedian, which is generally considered to be a requirement. And, having never been a professional comedian, I don’t bring a sizeable national audience. At best, you get my four thousand former students and maybe some of their parents, the ones who thought my share of back-to-school night was the best fifteen minutes of their week. (BTSN is improv night: parents through out suggestions and I perform in response. Or, in other words, it’s a Q&A.)

But, Little Alex Horne, if you’re listening, swing by my classroom sometime. Preferably at the beginning of a semester. Observe my endless bounty of facepunching metaphors.

You could do worse.

A couple other bullets:

1) I'm cheap. I only cost a SAG card, lodging for a week, and basically whatever minimum wage is for that job.

2) I don't have preexisting relationships with comedians to build on or to garner respect but hey. That's nothing new for me.

3) The Taskmaster is always a second job, so it's not like I'm relying on it. I'll keep teaching. Although maybe if it goes really well I'd make my first job writing books, but let's not hold our breath. I'll keep teaching. You can't get a better human-interest story than that.

4) I recognize that the Taskmaster also likely works as a writer on the show. While my experience in this field of writing is scant, I work well with others. It’ll be fine. Though it might be nice if the network paid for my sub?