Dental Daniel


Sure, I collected Garbage Pail Kids when I was a wee thing. Of course I did. They were great. Haha and gross and so on. Everything cool. But of all of them, this fellow has stuck with me most. I have, in fact, lived in terror my whole life of accidentally thrusting my brush through my cheek. I think of it once a week, at least, this threat to cheek integrity.

On December 5 of this year, I was brushing my teeth and watching Gotham at the same time and at a jump scene I jumped and stabbed the roof of my mouth with the toothbrush. I ran back to the bathroom and stood over the sink bleeding, bleeding, bleeding, whimpering, unable to speak. The hole left in my palate was as grotesque (and is taking as long to heal) as the tonsillectomy holes made in the back of my throat two months ago, complete with constant need for drugs (without which I could not move my tongue or jaw to speak) and giant white scabs. I now carry around a bottle of KANK+A with me and may, at any moment, may paint the roof of my mouth with anesthetic.

So it's finally happened. I have become Dental Daniel. In terms of preventing permanent aesthetic alteration, my palate was probably a better thing to stab than my cheek. I hit that bone so hard.... I may well have torn through my cheek had I been brushing different teeth at the moment.

Lesson: stick with romcoms.

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