WARNING: This post is scatalogical in nature


The English language is the most beautiful and inclusive thing on the planet. And yet it has a serious lack---or at least my own English vocabulary does. I've brought this idea cavity to the public's attention before (including on this very blog), but everyone always thinks I'm joking around. I am NOT joking around. this problem needs to be solved.

Here's the problem. There are certain basic physiological needs that humans have. And each need can be expressed with use of a single adjective. For instance, if I am in need of food, I am hungry. I may be famished or starving or, on the other end, peckish. I am in need of food, expressed with a single adjective.

I am thirsty. I am parched.

I am tired or sleepy. Exhausted.

I am choking or suffocating. I am in need of oxygen.

I am horny. Aroused. Titillated. (I need you.)

But what if I need to expel waste from my body? What single adjective do I have to express myself? This is the great lack of which I speak.

But fear not, anglophones. I, Thmazing, have solved your linguistic abcess. And the word that the Muse delivered to me? Poopish.

It's not elegant, but I think it's clear. "Excuse me, I'm feeling poopish. I believe the others at the table will catch your meaning.

Of course, poopish is only half the story. So we need a second word. Peeish? Peïsh? No. Urinish? Eh. Even worse. Littlegirlroomish? Egad.

And then I had it:


That should do the trick.

Now, poopish and leakish are not refined, but the euphemistic tendencies of English should help us there soon enough.

But finally, this ancient weight has been removed from my shoulders.

Feel free to thank me.


  1. .

    I wrote this for the blog years ago, but just finally typed it up. About time! I fear the world has suffered as I dawdled.

  2. What about defecatious? I guess that only solves the #2 problem though.

  3. .

    Defecatious is good. It sounds more polite, being Latinous.