2006-01-27

When you cook Spam on a clean, hot griddle, it dances for joy

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I like flipping through Next Blog. One thing I don't do as much as I once did is flag spamsites. I don't, because after looking closer, I can no longer be sure whether they truly are spam or not--I simply cannot tell what the purpose of the blogger is. Are they trying to sell me something? Are they just using Blogger to keep track of their expenses? Are they mad ramblers stuck in a frighteningly commercial stream of conscious-like activity? I can't tell! And the disease isn't just attacking blogs--it has spread to the once sensible-if-evil email-spamming population as well!

In the interest of spammers who don't have a decent role model, I hereby present a thmazing list of rules for spammers:

1. Have some idea of what you are selling--any idea at all.

2. Learn the proper use of the keyboard (hint: to type the letter P, hit the key that has a vertical stroke with half an oval attached to the top right--if you can see the reasoning behind this, you will swiftly discover the use of each key).

3. Be sure that the words you use make sense in the order you have placed them and somehow relate to what you are selling.

4. Send your thmazing spam to your fellow stupid people and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
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11 comments:

  1. Tolkien Boy1/27/2006 3:38 PM

    Did we spontaneously come up with the same blog thought? Have our minds melded? Are we, in fact, the same person?

    I'm so freaked out at this point. You might call me froken.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Th.1/27/2006 3:42 PM

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    No, although I thought it was weird that I have linked to you twice in a row now. The truth is, I stumbled across the Chuck Norris link and looked for a way to use it. No doubt your influence can be blamed on that.

    Oh--and check out Fake Knowledge on my sidebar.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Th.1/27/2006 3:43 PM

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    Sorry--Pretend Knolegdge

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  4. Th.1/27/2006 3:43 PM

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    Oh, forget it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sarah1/27/2006 4:11 PM

    Who do you think you know that I know?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Th.1/27/2006 5:25 PM

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    Oh, it's just that you are at BYU--as are so many of the bloggers that I link to. That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Limon1/27/2006 8:56 PM

    Great blog you've got here. Please come and check out my blog at wanttosellyoustuff.com. We can be friends and business partners!

    ReplyDelete
  8. stupidramblings1/30/2006 9:39 AM

    Sometimes I scroll through 'next blog' as well. Until...I found objectionable material...

    Coolest word verification ever--badzbx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Cicada1/30/2006 3:51 PM

    Yeah, the whole Spam-Spam of Th.-TB freaked me out, too, especially since I read yours afer TB's.

    Does anyone have any idea of why spam makes no sense? There has to be an explanation other than "spammers can't speak English." I simply don't believe it. Is there some technical answer?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kirk L. Shaw1/30/2006 4:05 PM

    So spam actually isn't that bad as a breakfast meat along with eggs and orange juice and a few Internet viruses.

    ReplyDelete
  11. B.G. Christensen1/31/2006 6:49 AM

    Cicada--Check out Svoid's explanation on TB's Spam post.

    ReplyDelete