Watch me turn into a monster


First I roll up my slee---

No, actually, I had better just take off my shirt; I really like this one.

Okay, there. Now, just roll my shoulders a couple times, pop my neck, stretch my jaw, excellent. Feeling good.

Step one'll be warming up my voice. Bit of rrarr, bit of grrerrgh, but of waarrllmm. Increase the volume. Very nice.

Now, hunch over, sway the arms, let the neck go reptilian as my upper lip krinches and my eyes slit into glowing embers--the more glowy the better.

The hair, the hair, longer, more unkempt, matted, dirty, down my back and arms and face. Nose disappearing into my skull, darkening, brow dropping.

My knees change the direction they bend and my spine curves more deeply; My pants dissolve into my skin, leaving stains and scars and a rancid smell.

One hand falls upon the ground and now I can truly scream into the night. The children will not sleep well tonight. Those that sleep at all.

But now, now, now I am here and I am hungry. I am a monster. I breathe in the air, normally dormant regions of my brain process the information; I turn my head and the fire leaps from my eyes and I see where I must go.

For I am a monster. And I am hungry.


  1. I would have said Wayne, but I just now remembered your last name.

  2. Remind me not to go out jogging tonight.

  3. My favorite part was when you mentioned the "rancid smell". Even as a child, I never imagined the smell part. How interesting!

  4. .

    Hey, thanks. No teacher like experience, I always say.