2007-10-22

The Manly Meme

Manly Men.

An acquaintance of mine recently created a baby-new meme from a Popular Mechanics article. I thought I would coöpt it for myself here.

But real men don't tag. So only do this yourself if you think you're man enough. Or if you have something to prove.

So. A real man should be able to:
    1. Patch a radiator hose
      Um. Is it like fixing a bike tube?


    2. Protect your computer
      From ninjas? I'm there.


    3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
      Depends. Are there sharks? What about walruses?


    4. Frame a wall
      Depends. Embezzlement, yes. But I draw the line at capital crimes.


    5. Retouch digital photos
      Within reason, yes. Note the example above.


    6. Back up a trailer
      Now that I finally have a DVD-R drive, yes.


    7. Build a campfire
      Yes. Of course. I totally got my pyro merit badge. I can also build a house fire if you need any help.


    8. Fix a dead outlet
      Who do you think I am, Ned? Seriously though, my father-in-law has shown me how to do this like a zillion times and I still can't. Mostly, I think, because I am certain I will die.


    9. Navigate with a map and compass
      That's cute.


    10. Use a torque wrench
      Is that those strappy things?


    11. Sharpen a knife
      Only on the jawbone of an ass.


    12. Perform CPR
      With or without showgirls?

      I've never actually had to, but I'm sure whoever gets to be my guinea pig will die. So to answer the question, I need to know if the CPRee needs to survive for it to count.


    13. Fillet a fish
      Theoretically. Ask when the last time I went fishing was.


    14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
      Done it many times. Take that!


    15. Get a car unstuck
      From what? Time? Cause Billy takes care of that for me.


    16. Back up data
      Yes. Should do it more frequently though....


    17. Paint a room
      Alas, yes.


    18. Mix concrete
      Yes. But don't tell Lady Steed.


    19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
      Um. No thank you. Guns make me nervous. Sort of like electricity.


    20. Change oil and filter
      Yes! In fact, it's been ages since we paid for an oil change--not since moving here at least.

      Although.... Nevermind. Just ask my dad. He'll tell you. I don't want to go into it.


    21. Hook up an HDTV
      I wish I had opportunity to try....


    22. Bleed brakes
      What. Mechanics don't believe in germ theory?


    23. Paddle a canoe
      I actually used to be awesome at this. But I haven't tried in, ah, fifteen years?


    24. Fix a bike flat
      Used to do it all the time.


    25. Extend your wireless network
      "Extend"? Let's start with "start".


Phew. It's a good thing we have the Big O around. At the very least, he'll be able to mow the lawn. And knock our old oil filters out of the ballpark with his totally awesome batting skills.

O MOWS

8 comments:

  1. Are there no real men to comment on this post? I think you frightened them all away with your "skills".

    Nice!

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  2. Sam read this to me this morning and we had a good laugh. Then I started thinking. "Hey I can do about 90 percent of that! I have actually DONE most of those things. Wow for me!" And to think that I was named "Mostly Surprisingly Not A Struggler"!

    I have to admit, I have not patched a radiator hose - I just change 'em. Good thing it didn't say a real man can write a Java page.

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  3. I like my torque wrench. I pretty much never actually need it, but the thing is, I have it and know how to use it if I ever DO need to use it. Well, I think I remember how to use it. My dad explained it to me when he gave it to me. I might have to call him up and get a refresher course. In the meantime, I know my torque wrench makes awesome clicking noises, which I love and adore.

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  4. .

    Oh....that's a torque wrench!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The "Jawbone of an Ass" comment cracked me up.

    ReplyDelete
  6. And Big O will also be able to support you with all that professional baseball money.

    ReplyDelete