2009-07-01

The 12th Five Books, 2009 (kimball, wowza, beedle, ted, dud)

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060) The Dud Avocado by Elaine Dundy, finished July 1
    I am very sad to learn that Elaine Dundy died last year. Because I liked her book and her afterward, not three years old, is very charming.
      The Dud Avocado
      Dear Mrs Tynan [her married name], I don't make the habit of writing to married women, especially if the husband is a dramatic critic, but I had to tell someone (and it might as well be you since you're the author) how much I enjoyed The Dud Avocado. It made me laugh, scream and guffaw (which incidentally is a great name for a law firm). If this was actually your life, I don't know how on earth you got through it. Sincerely, Groucho Marx.

      I liked your book. I liked the way your characters all speak differently. My characters all sound the same because I never listen. [Ernest Hemingway]

    (It was the first one that finally got me to pick up the book.)

    So this novel has been called the world's first chicklit, and there's a lot to that, I suppose. Sally Jay Gorce goes to France and madcappery results. It took me a good number of pages to get into it, but I finally did and I quite enjoyed it.

    It's a first novel, which brings up the ol' how-autobiographical-is-it question. She says, "When people ask me how autobiographical the book is I say, all the impulsive, outrageous things my heroine does, I did. All the sensible things she did, I made up."

    In the intro by Terry Teachout says it's full of sentences she wishes she had written. Her examples all come from the beginning of the book, but mine come mostlyn later and some could be construed as spoilers, so tread carefully.

      And I remember a little later wondering why things always turn out to be diametrically opposed to what you expect them to be. It's no good even trying to predict what this opposite will be because it fools you and turns out to be the opposite of that, if you see what I mean. If you think this is geometrically impossible all I can say is that you don't know life.

      - - - | - - -

      What a world, I thought. Nothing but sex as far as the eye can see.

      - - - | - - -

      Larry was right. What was the use of remembering? If it was unpleasant, it was unpleasant. It it was pleasant, it was over.

      - - - | - - -

      We looked at the menu. "Hah! Avocados," he said, brightening. "How I love them. Cheer up, my little avocado," he said to me, pinching my hand. "You know, these American girls are just like avocados. What do you think, am I right, Max? Who ever even heard of an avocado sixty years ago? Yes, that's what we're nowadays." His avocado arrived and he looked at it lovingly. "the Typical American Girl," he said, addressing it. "A hard center with the tender meat all wrapped up in a shiny casing." He began eating it. "How I love them," he murmured greedily. "So green--so eternally green." He winked at me.

      "Stefan, please. . . ."

      "No, it's true. And I will tell you something really extraordinary, mes enfants. Do you know that you can take the stones of these luscious fruits, put them in water--just plain water, mind you--anywhere, any place in the world, and in three months up comes a sturdy little plant full of green leaves? That is their sturdy little souls bursting into bloom," he finished off, well satisfied with his analogy.

      - - - | - - -

      It's not real, I'd say over and over again. It can't be real. Judy lying in the hospital, probably dying. Larry pimping and theiving and beating up girls. Me in jail. How did it happen? We're all nice people.

      - - - | - - -

      There was a letter from Uncle Roger. I held it in my hand awhile, breaking into one of the cold sweats that had formed such an integral part of my temperature in recent days [...]

      - - - | - - -

      "Sally Jay," he said earnestly, "promise me, promise me you'll never try to kill yourself."

      "Oh I promise, I promise," I assured him, stretching lazily, feeling utterly euphoric. "The world is wide, wide, wide, and I am young, young, young, and we're all going to live forever!"

    I don't know that I agree with Teachout that this will be one of the books that survives to become Literature, but it is a fine book and chicklit lovers could do much worse.

    at most a month



059) Letters from a Nut by Ted. L. Nancy, finished June 21
    I've been wanting one of these for a decade so thanks to my brother Schmett for the great Christmas present. Some of these letters are impossibly funny.

    If you're not familiar with the Letters from a Nut books, Ted L. Nancy sends strange strange letters to companies or famous individuals and engages them in bizarre correspondance. For instance, writing Greyhound about traveling by bus dressed as a gigantic stick of butter. That sort of thing.

    Anyway, you probably don't need to buy your own copy, but next time you're in the Devil's Den, pick one up and read until you're laughing so hard they kick you out.

    Return next day.

    Repeat.

    just under six months



058) The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling, finished June 21
    I'm only sad there were merely five. They felt like true old tales and I consider that high praise indeed.

    perhaps two weeks



057) Lowboy by John Wray, finished June 16
    I took this book home from the library because of this line from Kirkus Reviews on the back: "The opening pages recall Salinger's Holden Caulfied, but the denouement and haunting aftertaste may make the stunned reader whisper 'Dostoevsky.' Yes, it really is that good."

    Now there's no love between me and Holden, but the journey from Salinger to Dostoevsky was too intriguing not to take up.

    Final analysis? Great book. I loved it. I'm still not sure about the ambiguous ending --- Dostoevsky or not --- but overall, I give it to you highly recommended.

    (Note to New York writers who want to show off how well they know their city. Read this book. See how the city is a character in the book? See how Wray isn't just showing off how Newyorky he is? See how the reader cares where Lowboy is, and not just that the writer knows where Lowboy is? You should all take a lesson.)

    Lowboy is a schizophrenic kid escaped from the hospital so he can save the world. He is in the world and the world is in him and both are getting hotter and if he can just let the world out ---

    The book makes me feel like I understand shizophrenia in the way The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time helped me understand autism and Bound on Earth being bipolar. And I must say: schizophrenia is the worst.

    (Movie aside: too bad del Toro's so busy --- he would be perfect.)

    Anyway, good book. Pick it up.

    about a month



056) One silent sleepless night by Spencer W. Kimball, finished June 14
    President Kimball recounts a insomniac night filled with pain and memories in a New York hotel. Large type and copiously illustrated (watercolors by Sherry Thompson) and lots of whitespace = very short book indeed, even at only 63 pages. Although by no means a great book, it is an interesting book in terms of structure and concept.

    Anyone familiar with the Kimball Story probably knows how he thought his usefulness was over when he had his vocal cords removed. Watching him autobiographicize the past during his recovery offers an interesting perspective, complicated by the fact that the book was actually written almost twenty years after his silent sleepless night an four years after becoming president of the Church. Makes me wonder what his motivation was. I'll have to ask him someday.

    about seven months



Previously:


the first five, 1-5
the second five, 6-10
the third five, 11-15
the fourth five, 16-20
the fifth five, 21-25
the sixth five, 26-30
the seventh five, 31-35
the eighth five, 36-40
the ninth five, 41-45
the tenth five, 46-50
the eleventh five, 51-55

2009-06-30

David O. McKay: See if you can find the hilarious part

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David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism (Hardcover)
by Gregory A. Prince (Author), Wm Robert Wright (Author)

Hardcover: 550 pages
Publisher: University of Utah Press; 1 edition (March 9, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0874808227
ISBN-13: 978-0874808223
Product Dimensions: 10.3 x 6.9 x 1.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #63,070 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Popular in these categories:
#1 in Books > History > Middle East > Oman
#33 in Books > Religion & Spirituality Christianity > Mormonism

2009-06-29

Good review

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“Happy St. Patrick’s Day” caught me off guard from the very beginning. I didn’t know how to react to the old couple. At times, they were charming, menacing, intriguing and horrible. Their complexity really sold me on the story.

------------------------------------David Drazul

I had never as yet made the attempt to svithe vocally

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I'm reading a fascinating article right now that I may well svithe again, if it weighs as heavily on my mind next week as it has been this weekend. But it's so late now, I'm just stealing one quote, which originated here.
    We are so verbal, especially in the Protestant tradition, that it's hard for us not to imagine prayer either as monologue, in which I tell God things and God listens, or as a conversation in which I tell God things and God answers back. But from what I understand out of the ancient monastic materials I work on, prayer is really an entire relationship, and the verbal part is only one element. A lot of what we learn when we pray is to be quiet. We need to stop thinking that a relationship is constituted only by language. The closer we get to other people, and the better our friendships are, the more silence these relationships contain. The people we talk to all the time are probably the people we don't know.terribly well and whom we don't trust. The issue is not so much "Does God talk back and if so how?" but whether we can learn just to be in God's presence.

She has a pretty good point. Prayer is more than address-thank-pray-close, or can be. How do we arrive at prayers that move beyond the limitations of our human vocabularies?

Discuss.


last week's svithe


2009-06-26

Omnifobbery

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The B of F O B is everywhere this weekend with two of his Fob Bible stories released on popular blogs for discussion. If you haven't read these stories before, do now. If you have, stop by to help get the conversation going. They're both great. I should know. I'm their freaking editor.

Abraham's Purgatory

The Changing of the God

2009-06-25

On BYU's new MFA

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The [Card] School Internship Office provides academic credit for [writing] internships that meet the following requirements:
    The internship must be a good [writing-]related work experience;

    The intern must be given [writing] projects that require higher level [creative] skills;

    Interns must have an [editor] supervisor to train, mentor, and evaluate them;

    Interns must [write] at least 45 hours for every credit hour they are taking, i.e., 90 work hours for two credit hours, 135 work hours for three credit hours.


(read the rest here)

More Fob Goodness

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The second half of Tyler Chadwick's Fob Bible review is up on AMV.

This one has way more sex.

I'm just sayin'.

2009-06-23

Why post the unpostable?

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Because I am Theric.

And I can.

2009-06-22

Eleven reasons to buy stock in Elephant™ Brand Phone Nails

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1. They're the industry leader.

2. Their phone nails are made only from genuine Naugahyde.

3. With the increase of people using their phones for photography, phone nails are expected to increase in sales 29% in the coming quarter alone.

4. Would you have bought stock from these guys?

5. Be honest now: How many times today have you already wished you had a phone nail handy?

6. Phone nails are green.

7. Elephant™ is the only brand of phone nail being exported into China.

8. Elephant™ is opening five new manufacturing facilities in the US in 2009, at a time when other industries are shedding jobs like psoriasis.

9. Unlike most phone nail brands, Elephant™ brand phone nails have been certified Golden Delicious by Apple's Accoutrement Corps.

10. Available in dozens of colors while most brands are still only available in Ford black.

11. I get 10% for every person who signs up using my special code: thuckerswanted.

Thanks in advance!

2009-06-21

Svithing fathers, starting with myawesomeself

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It's Fathers Day in America and this is America and I am a father so let's talk about me, shall we?

This week has been good for my ego. It seems like everyone want to compliment me? To excerpt from these compliments, here are some phrases suitable for placement under my name on a business card:

    stellar
    jack of the narrative trade
    one of the most interesting
    sharing [my] wisdom
    enjoyable, unpretentious and hard working
    That's meat and potatoes stuff. God bless it.
    ahead . . . but not too far ahead
    courteous
    doing a thmazing job
    good, moving
    thought provoking

If I seem a little full of myself lately, now you know why.

All these statements were speaking to my skill as a writer.

I believe that the raw capacity for working with words is part of my uncreated intelligence. But if I were to thus claim sole credit for my successes, removing God from my gratitude, would not be tenable. That would be like a poor kid in Potosí who's capable of becoming the world's finest surgeon failin to thank the philanthropist who saw him into a city with a decent high school and from there to Harvard. The kid would have been lucky to get a job choking on led dust, but instead he gets a consultant credit on House.

Me, I could not be who I am without the opportunity great God has given me to come to this earth and partake of human life and mortal opportunity. I'm only as good as the ultimate Father has provided me the chance to become. So what can I do in return? As King Benjamin said:

    I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another --- I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

So paying God back is out of the question. All I can do is follow his simple requests. And be the best I can be.

Isn't that what every father wants for his children?

Thank you, Dad.

last week's svithe